


Next To You

by thegirlonpeetamellark



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:25:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 54,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1881582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlonpeetamellark/pseuds/thegirlonpeetamellark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She closed her eyes and saw his perfectly chiseled face and then imagined those boxers of his falling to the floor before he got in the shower. The last thing she needed was to be attracted to Rye Mellark's older brother." Desperate for a place to live, Katniss moves in with her friend, Rye, who has always had a crush on her. Then she meets his older brother, Peeta. Modern Day AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time she met Peeta Mellark she was in her underwear.

It was her first night in her new apartment. After a mix-up in the housing office she had suddenly found herself without a place to live two days before school started. Desperate, she had done something she probably shouldn't have.

She had reached out to the only person she knew who lived off campus and who she was semi-friends with.

"You want to live here?" Rye Mellark's eyes had widened with delight, unable to keep the grin off his face.

"I kind of don't have a choice," she had shrugged, already getting a bad feeling about it.

"Well, you're in luck, Everdeen. We were actually looking for a third roommate since our other roommate just bailed on us."

"We?"

"Yeah, my older brother Peeta lives here." He had eyed her up and down, scanning the length of her body in a way that made her uncomfortable.

"How much a month for rent?" she had asked, trying to keep him focused.

"I'm sure we can come to an arrangement," he had smirked and she couldn't help but to roll her eyes.

"Rye, we need to get something clear if I'm going to live here," she had begun, steeling her resolve. "You're my friend. That's it. I'm sorry, but I just don't like you like that."

His face had sobered immediately and she had instantly felt bad. She had never quite been so direct and brutally honest about it. Having had some classes together as freshmen, they had become decent friends over the years. 

But Rye never tried to hide the fact that he had a thing for her. And it wasn't just harmless flirting. She saw the way he got when she talked to other guys and the way he would really look at her when he thought she wasn't looking. She never led him on, but a part of her still felt bad for not being able to return his feelings.

He had exhaled, looking at her with resigned acceptance.

"Fine, I'm not going to keep pining after something that isn't there." He had tried to come across unaffected, but she could see the hurt in his eyes. "You're lucky I like you, Everdeen," he had added, smiling again. "And that I'm not one of those guys who bitches about being friend-zoned. I just don't do it for you. A bit hard to swallow with my pride and all..."

"Yeah, and your ego," she had laughed, pushing him on the shoulder.

"But that doesn't mean I'm completely no longer interested in your company. And if we become roommates we'll be seeing a whole lot of each other," he had said with a grin.

"Shut up and help me with my shit," she had countered.

And then she was living with him. And his older brother, though she had yet to meet this older brother by the time they had moved all her things into her new room, ordered pizza for dinner, and then retired for the night.

So it wasn't until well past midnight when she finally put down her Kindle and decided she would brush her teeth that she ran into Peeta Mellark. Literally ran into him. Wearing only her underwear and a loose t-shirt.

"Oh my god," she gasped, bouncing off a solid chest in the dark hallway outside her room that led to the bathroom. "I'm so sorry."

It was dark, so she couldn’t really see him that well, but she could definitely feel him. His hand automatically went to her hip to steady her, and his touch against the thin t-shirt she was wearing got her heart beating at a frantic pace. She realized then that she was only wearing a bright pink pair of boyshorts with her thin cotton t-shirt, and nothing else. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, hoping to preserve some modesty.

The person who she had run into took a step toward the bathroom they had both been walking towards and flipped on the switch, allowing them to see one another.

Her breath caught. Rye’s older brother, Peeta, was fair skinned and broad shouldered and just a bit taller than her. She could see the resemblance with Rye, but all she could focus on were the things that made them different. Peeta’s jaw was more defined, his hair was wavy and medium length instead of short and straight, and his shoulders and arms were stronger and definitely bigger.

She swallowed back her nerves and mumbled a quiet ‘hello.’

He looked her up and down once, no emotion playing across his face. “Rye has a bathroom in his room,” he said flatly, “you should probably use that one.”

Her eyebrows pinched in confusion as he continued, “And he probably wouldn’t be thrilled about me seeing you in your underwear, so let’s keep this between us.”

Her face flushed in embarrassment before realization washed over her: He thought she was some random hookup of Rye’s.

“Oh, um, no,” she cleared her throat, summoning some confidence to talk to him, in her underwear, like it was no big deal. “I actually moved in today. I was desperate for a place and he said you guys had a spare third room.”

He folded his arms in front of his chest, emphasizing the size of his muscles that were being hugged by his white tank top. She realized he was also in his underwear—black briefs—and she had to look away before she started staring. 

“So you live here now?”

“Yup,” she offered him a tight smile, not sure if he was thrilled with the idea.

“What’s your name?”

“Katniss Everdeen.” 

He made a scoffing sound in the back of his throat, leaning back against the wall, like he didn’t believe her.

“You mean the girl my brother has had a thing for since freshman year?”

She tried not to roll her eyes. "We're friends. We've always only been friends. I made that clear to him before I decided to move in," she explained, for some reason feeling like it was important that he understood she didn't return his brother's feelings.

"Yeah, and I'm sure he's over you just like that," he replied sarcastically. "That's going to make these living arrangements just perfect."

She bristled, feeling annoyed that he was annoyed. "Look, I'm sorry but I really needed a place to stay. I studied abroad last semester and I was planning on living on campus for the rest of the year, but there was a mix-up. Do you not want me to be here?"

He softened a bit; she could see how his features relaxed in the harsh light coming from the bathroom, but his words were still curt. "It doesn't matter if I want you here. You already moved in and I'm not about to kick you out."

"Gee thanks," she grumbled.

"I just hope you know what you're doing," he added. When he saw the confusion on her face, he continued. "You know, living with a dude who has had a crush on you for years. Maybe he gets that you just want to be friends, but that doesn't mean it's not going to hurt him to be around you all the time. Or if you start bringing your dates home."

She blushed, flustered and caught off guard by what his words, which she had to admit had some truth to them. She didn't know how to respond so the first stupid thing she could think of popped out of her mouth. "I don't date."

He laughed a little, the sound causing something warm and curious to stir in her chest. She looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"Alright. You don't date," he conceded. And then his eyes traveled up and down the length of her body, scanning her from head to toe and making her feel totally and completely exposed. "But walking around in your underwear probably won't do the guy any favors, so maybe investing in some actual pajamas wouldn't hurt."

She felt the heat crawl up her neck and she looked away, trying not to let him see how he affected her.

"I'll do that," she mumbled, trying to will her blush away.

"So we, um...share this bathroom?" she asked when she had composed herself. "I forgot to ask."

"Yup," he nodded, pointing to the door across the hall that was right next to hers. "That's my room, and I guess this is our bathroom from now on."

"Oh okay, well I was just going to brush my teeth..." she trailed off when he started to strip his tank top off, leaving his chest bare for her eyes.

She knew she was gawking at him and she knew she should look away, but she just...couldn't. Her mouth actually went dry at the sight of his naked torso before her.

"No problem, I was just going to hop in the shower," he said casually, like he had no idea what he was doing to her. "I'll brush my teeth too while the water warms up." He moved into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

She followed him dumbly and started to brush her teeth on autopilot, staring down at the counter. She saw him out of the corner of her eye start to brush his teeth alongside her, glancing over at her every once and a while.

When she finished she spit and rinsed her mouth out before looking over at him awkwardly. "Um, okay, uh night..."

His hands went to the waistband of his briefs, ready to tug them to the floor. "Night," he replied simply.

Her eyes widened, and she turned and fled the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

When she was finally back in the safety of her room she realized her heart was pounding in her chest.

It took her a long time to recognize what she was feeling, and when she finally did she groaned and rolled over on her side, burying her face in her hands.

She had never felt it before to this degree: the way her heart beat sped up and a flush came over her, how her chest tightened and something tugged low and deep in her stomach. She closed her eyes and saw his perfectly chiseled face and then imagined those boxers of his falling to the floor before he got in the shower.

The last thing she needed was to be attracted to Rye Mellark’s older brother.

But she had a feeling it was already too late.

X

She didn’t see him in the morning, but when she got home from class that evening he was sitting next to Rye on the couch in the living room, watching the game. 

“Well hello, roomie,” Rye greeted her as she put her things down.

“Hey,” she returned, her eyes briefly flicking to Peeta, who watched her as he took a sip of his beer.

“Peeta tells me you two already became acquainted last night.”

She tried not to show any emotion on her face as the thought of him sharing their encounter in their underwear crossed her mind. Luckily she was spared from having to respond when Peeta spoke up.

“Would have been nice to have had some heads up before we practically ran into each other in the hallway.”

“I knew you’d be home late,” Rye protests. “I wanted to make the introductions myself in the morning.”

“It’s fine,” she interrupted them, “I want to order Chinese for dinner. Do you guys want some?”

After ordering the food and going back to her room to change and put her things away, she was walking down the narrow hallway back towards the living room when the sounds of her roommates’ hushed voices stopped her.

“I’m not fucking calling her back, Rye, forget it.” Peeta’s words were clipped and angry.

“Why not? Just see what she wants. It’s been fucking years. Maybe we should hear her out, see what she has to say.”

“Whatever she has to say I’m not interested in hearing it.”

There was a pause in the conversation, and she figured it was as good a time as any to re-enter the living room and ease the tension she could feel between the brothers.

“Has the food come yet?” she asked, taking the oversized chair next to the couch.

Peeta looked over at her and took his time taking her in. She suddenly felt very self-conscious about the running shorts and long-sleeved t-shirt she was wearing. He had told her to invest in some pajamas, so what was wrong with this?

“Nice pajamas, Everdeen,” Rye quipped with a smug grin.

She rolled her eyes and leaned over to steal the remote from him. 

She channel-surfed for a while before there was a knock on the door and she jumped up to go get the food.

She wasn’t even gone five minutes but as she returned to the living room she heard their voices start to rise.

“I don’t want anything to do with her!” Peeta shouted.

“She’s our fucking mother!” Rye yelled back.

She stopped a few feet away, frozen and afraid to intrude on their argument, although it was already pretty clear she had heard everything. Peeta’s eyes darted past Rye’s shoulder and saw her. His face tensed. He stood up immediately, walking down the hall towards his room and slamming the door behind him.

Rye glanced over at Katniss looking sheepish. “Sorry about that. Dumb family shit.”

“No worries, you want some mu shu pork?”

They split the food and didn’t mention the argument again.

Peeta didn’t come out of his room for the rest of the night.

X

Jo dragged her to a bar the first Friday of the new semester to celebrate her being back from her time studying abroad. Madge and Annie were meeting them there.

She had already taken four shots by the time she saw him. He was wearing jeans, a white t-shirt, and a leather jacket, and he was standing with a guy who she immediately thought was just too good-looking.

“Peeta!” she called over to him before she could think better of it.

He turned his head and caught sight of her, pushing through the crowd to reach her.

"You're 21?" he asked skeptically when she was within earshot.

"I turn 22 the day after graduation," she explained as they got jostled by the bodies moving past them, pushing them closer together.

"How old are you?" she asked sipping on her fruity cocktail through a straw.

"I'll be 26 in a couple months," he responded, catching a blonde waitress' eye and ordering a Jack and Coke.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Annie throw her arms around Peeta's GQ model friend. "Your friend knows Annie?"

"Your friend is Finnick's new girlfriend?"

"Guess so," she mumbled, realizing this was probably the guy Annie had started to see while Katniss was studying abroad.

They watched the pair start making out in the middle of the bar like nobody was watching. She cringed and looked away.

When the blonde waitress returned with his drink she smiled at him a lot and asked if he needed anything else. She trailed her hand down his forearm and Peeta stared back at her like he was bored until she got the hint.

When the waitress left he tossed back almost half his drink with two large gulps. Katniss stood there awkwardly, looking for something to say, when she got elbowed from behind, causing her to bump into Peeta's chest. His hand went to her hip to steady her and those same feelings from the other night came back full force. She took a deep breath to try and compose herself.

Glancing around, she realized she had lost Jo and Madge. And Annie was clearly preoccupied with Finnick's tongue down her throat.

"You want to play pool?" he asked, finishing the rest of his drink in one long swallow.

"Sure," she shrugged, following him across the way to the table.

He ordered another drink, so she did too.

By the time they had played two games she had lost count of how many drinks she had had. Peeta had matched her and then some. She was a little impressed and a little concerned at how much he was drinking, but she was right there with him so she couldn't really talk.

"Fuck, I really suck at this game," she slurred when she completely missed the ball she had been trying to hit.

"You don't suck, you're just drunk," Peeta said, that hand of his going to her hip again as she leaned down over the table. She sucked in her breath at the feel of him behind her, almost pressing her up against the table. 

"You're right I should probably go get some water," she said, standing up and brushing past him, needing to get away before she got any more overheated from his proximity.

She got a glass of water at the bar and then went to the bathroom, splashing some water on her face when she got out of the stall. She inspected her appearance in the mirror and swayed a little on her feet, realizing she was still really drunk.

When she stepped out into the narrow hallway outside the bathroom, she ran straight into a solid chest...again.

"We’ve got to stop meeting like this," Peeta laughed in her ear, his hands automatically finding her hips like always.

She looked up at him, and other than his hooded eyes and relaxed demeanor, there was nothing to indicate that he was as drunk as she was. But she knew he had to be because he had had almost two drinks to each of hers, and she had had quite a few herself.

"I'm really drunk," she admitted, placing her hands flat on his chest.

"Me too," he laughed, but it was a pained laugh and she could tell he didn't really find it all that funny.

She looked him over again and in a moment of brief sober clarity she could see the sadness in his eyes and the way the alcohol numbed him from everything else. She worried a bit that he had as high of a tolerance as he did, but glad at least that he could control himself so well after so many drinks.

A group of girls pushed past them in the cramped hallway on the way to the restroom, forcing her back up against the wall. Peeta was practically pressed up against her with his hand resting on the wall beside her head and the other still attached to her hip. His hand seemed to be glued to her hip. She was getting used to having it there. 

His head hung in the space next to her cheek so he was breathing on the curve of her neck. His breaths were deep and steady, and she could feel her heart start to thump louder and faster with every passing moment that they just stood there like that.

She was afraid to move. She was afraid to touch him. She was afraid to do anything that would break this moment.

"We should go home," he finally whispered, shattering the silence.

He pulled away before she could respond, grabbing her hand and leading her out the back door. The cool night air felt good for a moment against her flushed skin and then it didn’t. Her stomach gurgled in protest and the next thing she knew she was bent over vomiting on the sidewalk.

She was vaguely aware of Peeta holding her hair back and rubbing her back, but she couldn’t focus on anything other than how shitty she felt. He must have called a cab at some point, because then she was being shuttled into the backseat of a car, leaning her head against the cool window.

The time between that and when she finally ended up in her bed was a blur. She only came to briefly when she realized someone was pulling the covers over her and setting a glass of water on her nightstand.

She reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it and pulling it towards her.

“Peeta,” she whispered.

The person whose hand she was grabbing tensed and then pulled away after a moment.

“It’s Rye.”

She was already fading at this point, not realizing what was happening.

“Go to bed, Katniss.”

She was passed out before he could close the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

"So who was that hottie you ditched me for at the bar last week?"

Katniss and Jo settled into the usual corner of their favorite coffee shop. But before Katniss could even bite into her bear claw, Jo was interrogating her.

"Rye Mellark's older brother."

Jo's eyes went wide. "No shit, well damn, I guess they kind of look alike, but he's so much more..."

She didn't even have to finish. "I know," Katniss sighed.

"And Rye is nice, but he's just kinda like..."

"Yup." Katniss nodded her head in agreement.

Jo paused, like something just occurred to her. "Wait, so he's your new roommate now? You're living with both of them?"

Katniss nodded her head stiffly.

Jo laughed loudly, tossing her head back, her glee over the predicament apparent. "Oh man, brainless, you are so screwed. Rye Mellark has wanted to bang you forever. And now his older brother is making your panties wet." 

She scowled at Jo in annoyance, but didn't attempt to deny it, because well...

"You got to tell me how that works out," Jo begged her, taking a sip of her latte with a pleased smile. "So how are they as roommates?"

Katniss shrugged, staring down at her own drink. "Actually not bad, especially for boys. They're not crazy messy and they're considerate. It's just..." she trailed off, not quite sure how to explain it, "They're so different. Rye is so happy-go-lucky and carefree, and Peeta can be so dark and broody sometimes. He has this sadness about him that I don't quite understand."

She met Jo's eyes, only to realize her friend was staring at her like she was crazy. She flushed and looked away. "What?" she asked defensively.

"Nothing," Jo began carefully, "you just seem like you're in really deep with him. I thought you just had a crush."

"I don't have a crush on him." Katniss dismissed the idea. She had barely had a handful of conversations with Peeta. She was definitely attracted to him, but she didn't even know him. "And I'm not in too deep. I just...I guess I feel like I sympathize with him, having to do the whole ‘brave face’ thing when your family life is shit."

Jo furrowed her eyebrows. "What's wrong with their family life?"

She debated for a moment whether to share the argument she had overheard between Peeta and Rye over their mother before deciding that while Jo was a lot of things, she was definitely someone she could trust not to go repeating what she was told.

"Damn, they haven't talked to her in years? What do you think happened there?" Jo asked when Katniss got done telling her.

"No clue," she shrugged in return, "but it had to have been bad. I don't think Peeta would hold a grudge for nothing."

"Well, all I'll say is that you should be careful. That dark, broody sadness thing can be all hot and mysterious one moment and then turn ugly and hurtful real quick. Don't get in over your head," Jo warned seriously. "Especially with Rye still wagging his tongue every time he sees you," she added with a laugh.

"I told him I didn't like him like that. We're just friends," Katniss insisted.

Jo scoffed like she found the idea of that actually deterring him laughable. "You're freaking living with the boy now. He's probably even more hard up for you than he was before."

"Ugh," Katniss groaned, dropping her head in her hands. "I don't want him to like me. It makes it so awkward. I feel like I have to watch every little thing I do and say around him so he doesn't get the wrong idea."

"Yeah, and there's the fact that you would totally fuck his brother," Jo explained with a helpful smile. "You know the only thing that will solve this problem," she added when Katniss glared at her.

"What?"

"You need to get the boy laid. He'll forget all about you if he has another pair of tits to distract him." 

Katniss rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but think she might have a point. If Rye were preoccupied with another girl, maybe Katniss wouldn't feel so bad about lusting after his brother.

X

"You didn't have to walk me to my door." Katniss hiked up her school bag over her shoulder and pulled out her keys to unlock her front door. 

"It was dark," Gale said with a shrug of his shoulders. "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?"

She gave him a tight smile, suddenly feeling a little awkward. It wasn't the end of the night after a date, so she wasn't sure why he seemed to be hanging around like he was expecting something. They had just spent the last five hours in the library with the other people in their study group, studying for their first big test. He had offered to give her a ride home because it was already dark by the time they finished. 

"Okay, well, thanks," she said while unlocking her door. "See you in class Monday!" she added with a wave, heading into her apartment and shutting the door before the moment lingered longer than it needed to.

She dropped her stuff and then looked up, startled to see Peeta standing by the window near the door.

"Jesus, you scared me!"

"Thought you didn't date," he murmured, looking out the window again.

She gaped at him, her brows pinching together, wondering if he was being serious. "I don't..." she finally said at length, "he's in my study group and he offered me a ride home when we were finished."

He nodded his head stiffly and pulled back from the window, moving back over to the couch.

"What?" she said defensively after he was quiet for a while.

"You think Rye would have been thrilled to see him drop you off at the door? This is what I was talking about."

She clenched her fists and tightened her jaw, fuming at his fucking nerve. "First of all, I can do whatever the hell I want. Rye agreed to let me move in here knowing I don't feel that way about him. I don't have to tiptoe around him forever. He's a big kid. He'll get over it. It's not like he's in love with me."

She took a deep, calming breath, realizing she was getting too worked up. "And not that it's any of your business, but we're just friends. I don't like Gale like that," she added, not sure why she felt compelled to explain herself to him.

Peeta scoffed. "Yeah, Gale there doesn't just want to be your friend," he replied, not looking at her.

"What's your problem? Why don't you like me?" she asked, frowning at his attitude. She had actually thought they had been pretty cordial and friendly with each other the past couple of weeks.

He exhaled harshly, leaning forward on the couch and dropping his head in his hands. The entire attitude he had been harboring just moments before vanished quickly. "I'm sorry, I had a rough day. I shouldn't be taking it out on you." She frowned at the sudden pain in his voice. He sounded miserable.

"You want to talk about it?" she ventured cautiously.

He looked up at her curiously, almost like he was wondering if she was serious or not. Finally he said, "No, not right now. Maybe sometime later, right now I just want to forget about it. Thanks, though."

She nodded her head in understanding, encouraged at least that he was open to the idea and he didn't completely blow her off.

"What are you working on?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Grading papers," he sighed, leaning back against the couch and crossing his legs, his ankle propped up on his opposite knee.

"You're a teacher?"

"Don't sound so surprised," he mumbled, barely glancing up at her as he twirled the fine-point red pen in his hand.

She laughed, collapsing onto the oversized chair next to the couch. "I'm not, actually, that makes total sense. I can picture you as the cool young teacher. What grade?"

"Ninth," he replied, the hint of a smile turning up one corner of his lips.

“Oh god, high school?” she asked, cringing at the thought. 

He laughed, his face drawn in puzzlement at her expression. “What’s wrong with high school?”

“What isn’t wrong with high school,” she replied. “God, I was such a loser. I hated how different and weird I felt compared to everyone else,” she admitted and then turned to him with a suspicious glance. “Oh god, I bet you were one of the popular kids in high school, huh? Quarterback and captain of the football team, you dated a cheerleader, and everybody loved you.”

He shook his head in exasperation. “I played soccer,” is the only thing he corrected her on, shooting her a little grin to confirm she wasn’t too far off. “And I bet you weren’t a loser. I bet you were just too intimidating for anyone to approach.”

“Yeah, sure,” she scoffed, glad that they had found common ground again after the tension from earlier. “I’m going to order some food, you want any?”

“Actually, I was thinking of making dinner tonight if you want some,” he offered, glancing back up from the stack of papers in his lap.

“You cook?” she asked, with a raise of her eyebrows, impressed and surprised.

“I can handle myself in the kitchen,” he shrugged modestly, leaning back against the couch.

And it turned out he could more than handle himself. She took her spot on the stool at the bar and watched him in a trance, as he moved around the small area, chopping and grilling and seasoning. 

“How’d you learn how to cook?” she asked, her head propped up on her hand, leaning against the counter.

He took a long time to answer, the silence stretching out uncomfortably, until he cleared his throat and spoke. “My dad.”

She could sense it wasn’t a topic he wanted to discuss, so she complained about eating nothing more than a banana and a granola bar all day. 

“Almost done,” he assured her. “So where’d you study abroad last semester?”

“Paris,” she replied dreamily, sighing at the memory. 

“That good?” He laughed. 

“It was amazing. I ate so much bread and chocolate and cheese.”

“So that smile isn’t for some Parisian boy you met over there?”

She flushed a little and looked away, startled by his question. “No, definitely not. I fell in love with their food, not a boy.”

“You spend a semester in Paris and didn’t meet anyone and you don’t date. I find this a little hard to believe,” he said, all without looking at her, moving around the kitchen and transferring the food onto their plates. “Wary of men? Bad relationship past?”

“I—what? No…no nothing like that,” she stammered, feeling her face heat. Why was he asking her these questions? She could barely handle when her girlfriends probed her about why she wasn’t hooking up with random dudes more often. 

“I just…I don’t know,” she shrugged, feeling awkward and unsure how to explain it. “I guess…” she sighed, the truth crawling its way out before she could stop it. “It’s hard to let people in, to trust. And if people don’t make the effort then you end up never really getting close to anyone.” She felt her throat tighten with emotion. “And then it just becomes easier to be alone, to not have anyone let you down or disappoint you.” 

The brutal honesty of her confession and the fact that she just admitted all of that to Peeta, of all people, shocked her, but in some ways it felt good to open up and bare parts of her she always kept hidden. When she finally glanced up to meet his eyes, he was looking at her so intently she could barely hold his gaze.

He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it immediately, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. 

Finally, he cleared his throat and placed a plate of food in front of her, coming around to sit beside her. “Dinner is served.”

She had never had a better meal, and she was so full and content after they had eaten she could barely force herself to take a shower before bed.

Wrapping her towel around her when she finished in the bathroom, she stepped out into the hallway to see Peeta standing there with a towel slung over his shoulder. He was wearing a t-shirt and boxers and his arms were crossed in front of his chest as he leaned against the wall. His mouth was curled up with the hint of a smile as he ran his eyes over her towel-clad body with amusement. 

“What?” she asked defensively, tugging the towel tighter around her body.

“Nothing,” he shrugged innocently, moving past her towards the bathroom. “You all finished in here?”

“All yours.”

“Great, thanks.” He moved like he was going to close the door and then stopped and looked at her, breaking out into a grin. “By the way, you have a really nice singing voice.”

He closed the door before she could react. Her face burned with embarrassment as she shuffled towards her room and closed the door behind her. 

For the rest of the night, she found she couldn't stop thinking about him standing outside the bathroom, listening to her sing in the shower, nor could she keep the smile from repeatedly creeping onto her lips.

X

“God damn it, Everdeen. Are you trying to kill me here?”

She turned towards the sound of Rye’s voice at the front door.

“Sorry there’s not enough space in my room,” she explained from where she was on her yoga mat, still in Downward Dog position. 

“Well hey, I’m not complaining,” he explained, slumping on the couch behind her. “Especially if you’re going to be wearing those pants.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a perv, Rye, we’ve been over this.”

“What? I’m a guy,” he protested. “You think I’m not going to enjoy this? There are plenty of beautiful woman out there who aren’t interested in me. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to appreciate the view.” 

She collapsed onto her stomach and rolled over to face him. “Alright, you totally killed it.”

He laughed, tossing his head back. “Hey, how the hell can you do that anyways? I tried to do a yoga class one time to stare at all the hot chicks and that Downward Dog position was murder on my wrists.”

“You probably weren’t doing it right,” she explained. “You were probably too busy being a perv.”

“True,” he conceded. “Seriously, though, show me how. I have way more upper body strength than you. I should be able to do it no problem.”

Ten minutes later, Rye had barely been able to hold the position for more than 20 seconds before he started complaining and falling to his knees.

“Move your hips back,” Katniss instructed, pushing his back down straighter to try and force his hips back.

“I can’t fucking do it!” Rye yelled with an aggravated cry, collapsing on the floor again.

“You suck,” Katniss laughed, nudging him with her foot. He grabbed her leg and pulled her towards him, throwing her off balance.

“Let me go!” she squealed, just as the front door opened. 

Peeta walked into the apartment and froze, taking in the sight of the two of them kidding around. For a second, Katniss held her breath, trying to figure out why there was an uncomfortable knot in the pit of her stomach. 

Surprisingly, she had actually spent very little time with both Rye and Peeta, as they seemed to have totally opposite schedules. It was strange to suddenly find herself in the room with both of them. Especially with the way Peeta’s eyes darted between them quickly, his face betraying nothing of what he was thinking or feeling.

“The fuck are you doing, Rye?” he asked casually, throwing his things down and moving towards them in the living room. “Let Katniss go.”

“She was supposed to teach me how to do Downward Dog,” Rye explained. “She’s not a very good teacher.”

“Hey!” she protested.

“I don’t think Katniss is the problem.” Peeta really looked at her for the first time since he walked in, his eyes moving quickly over her form. She suddenly felt self-conscious about her skin-tight yoga pants and tank top. 

She cleared her throat and looked away. “Alright, I’m hopping in the shower.” She walked down the hall towards her room and then paused, turning to look back at them. “Hey, you guys wanna go out tonight? Jo thinks I have a duty to help you get laid, Rye, since you’re letting me live here.” 

Rye sat up off the floor, leaning on his elbows. “Really?” he asked with a grin. “I always knew I liked Jo.”

She laughed and shook her head. “Do you wanna go out or not?”

“Hell yeah,” Rye responded enthusiastically, getting up off the floor. “I’m sure you’ll be a better wingman than this asshole,” he said, motioning to Peeta. “Every girl we talk to is always more interested in him and his dark and moody crap.”

She ignored how that last part made her feel. “Great. What about you, Peeta?” She met his eyes, her stomach tightening from the way he was looking at her. She could feel his stare all the way across the room, her skin tightening in anticipation. 

“Sure,” he nodded once.

“Okay, cool.” She nodded her head once too, looking between the two brothers. It took her a moment to remember she was supposed to be going to take a shower. Finally, she turned and disappeared down the hall, thinking that tonight would be interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

“What about her? She’s hot.”

Katniss shook her head in response to the blonde in a tank top and mini-skirt that Rye was pointing out. “Ew, gross, no, she’s wearing too much makeup and her laugh is really annoying.”

She was posted in a corner table at the most popular bar near campus with Rye, Peeta, Jo, and Madge. They were scouting girls for the best possible option to get Rye laid that night, but so far Katniss had been pretty unimpressed by the options to choose from.

Rye rolled his eyes and took a sip of his beer. “No offense, Katniss, because I appreciate the whole ‘you-trying-to-help-me-get-laid’ thing, but I don’t really know whether you’re the best person for this job. You don’t exactly know what a guy is looking for when he’s just trying to get some.” 

“Don’t be a jerk. She’s trying to help,” Peeta scolded. Rye shot him an annoyed glance, looking between him and Katniss briefly before turning away.

“All I’m saying is that I’m trying to get my dick wet, not meet the love of my life.”

“Watch your mouth,” Peeta chastised him again. He wasn’t drinking tonight since he had driven them there, and he had been quiet and a bit moody for most of the time. Katniss was a little surprised that he chose to be D.D., given how much he had drank last time, but she was glad that it seemed he could choose when to and when not to drink. 

“Okay mom— ” 

The second the words left Rye’s mouth, he froze, his eyes darting over to Peeta. She felt Peeta tense beside her, and while Jo and Madge continued chatting across the table, Katniss was the only one who could sense the tension between the brothers. She chanced a glance over at Peeta, whose eyes were burning with something dark.

“What about her? I like her.” Katniss decided to break the awkward moment before the brothers could go at it. She randomly gestured to the girl closest to their table.

“Yeah, I could get down with that,” Rye agreed, not hesitating to jump on the opportunity to avoid a fight with his brother. He finished his beer in one long gulp and then slammed it down on the table as he went to stand up. “I’ll go get things started myself, and I’ll bring her back here if I think things are going to work out.”

He disappeared without another word, and when she looked over at Peeta, she saw him following his younger brother across the room with his eyes. When he turned his gaze to her, she flushed like she had been caught spying on him.

“Katniss, we’re going to get some more drinks, you want something?” Madge questioned as she and Jo stood up from the table. 

“I’m good, thanks,” Katniss replied.

And then it was just her and Peeta together at the table. Alone. 

She cleared her throat and fiddled with her hands in her lap. “So...umm…do you want me to play wingman for you too?” she joked, laughing nervously. 

He turned to her more fully, looking at her with such an intense expression she could barely meet his eyes.

“I don’t date,” he replied, throwing her words back at her from that first night they met.

“And why is that?” 

He shrugged, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. “Maybe I’m not interested in letting anyone know my deepest, darkest secrets.” He said it almost like he was kidding, but there was something in his eyes as he looked at her that made her hold her breath, a feeling like he wanted her to understand something.

“Okay then, if I don’t have to find you a chick to bang, let’s go play pool.”

He laughed and followed her across the bar as she stood up to make her way through the crowd. 

It turned out that she was a much better player at this game when she wasn’t drunk out of her mind. It also turned out that even if he had wanted it, Peeta didn’t really need any help in the finding-a-chick-to-bang department. It seemed that every female in the bar noticed him. And at least half of them made an attempt to talk to him or flirt with him throughout the night.

She would have been annoyed if he had given any of them the time of day, but he treated them all like that waitress who had been all touchy-feely with him the first time Katniss had run into him here. He acted like their presence annoyed him. He was never rude, but he made it obvious he had zero interest.

The small, irrational part of her was thrilled and relieved that she didn’t have to put up with watching him hook up with some random girl. She told herself that it was because, although she couldn’t help it, she was definitely attracted him. But part of her knew it was something more.

“Nice shot,” Peeta commented from behind her as she slotted the solid ball into the far right corner. She stood up from where she had been leaning over the table and turned back to him. “Keep your hips still when you shoot though,” he added. “You start to sway them a little bit, and that can mess up your shot.”

She moved to round the table, turning away from him to hide her blush. The thought of him watching her bent over and focusing on her hips was enough to get her heart going.

“Okay, thanks,” she responded to the advice.

“Ah crap, hold on, I have to take this.” She watched Peeta move to a quieter area of the bar, covering his ear with one hand and answering his phone with the other. Her eyes were drawn to him in some innate way she couldn’t process yet.

“Catnip!”

She turned at the sound of that annoying nickname to find Gale Hawthorne pushing through a crowd of people to get to her. Would it be too bitchy to ask him not to call her that anymore? They were in a study group together, not really best friends, so his nickname privileges weren’t exactly unlimited.

“Hey,” she smiled at him, trying to be friendly. 

“How’d you do on the test? I think I bombed,” he said, tilting back the bottleneck of his beer.

“Eh, I did okay,” she shrugged.

“Course you did,” he smirked at her.

“Sorry I’m just naturally superior than you,” she replied in a mock haughty tone, making him laugh. 

He leaned in a little closer and suddenly she was very aware of his presence.

“Listen, Catnip—”

“You ready to get out of here?” Peeta cut off the conversation before Gale could go any further. He appeared out of nowhere, suddenly inserting himself between Gale and Katniss, his hand possessively moving to that favorite spot of his on her hip.

Flustered, Katniss turned to him, surprised by his sudden appearance and the hard glint in his eyes as he sized Gale up. 

“Oh, um, yeah,” she readily agreed, although she had no idea where they were going, or why Peeta was in such a rush. Turning back to Gale, she offered him a weak smile. “See you in class.”

Without realizing it, her small hand was enveloped by Peeta’s bigger, warmer one as he tugged her towards the back exit. He tightened his grip on her as the swarm of people in the bar around them threatened to break them apart. When they finally got outside, he didn’t let go of her hand until he reached his car.

“What’s up?” Katniss questioned curiously. 

“Sorry, uh…” he rubbed his hand over his face like he was upset about something. “Finnick just called me, and he’s drunk and needs a ride. I have to get him. I know you promised Rye…” he trailed off, looking uncomfortable and unsure, and she realized what he was trying to say.

“Rye doesn’t need my help. I’ll make it up to him some other time. I’ll come with you.”

The relief that washed over his face made her heart twist in a good way, and she had to bite back a smile.

“Thanks. It’s just he’s really drunk and I might need back-up. I guess a bunch of his childhood buddies are in town, and they took him out to get wasted. They can’t really believe he has a girlfriend now so they insisted on a night of drunken debauchery to see how serious he is about it.”

She laughed and walked to his passenger side door, as he walked around the car to the driver’s seat. 

“Well, that’s sweet that you’re coming to his rescue.” 

“He begged me to get him out of there. Said he was way too drunk and there were way too many females around that weren’t Annie.”

Katniss tugged her seatbelt on as he started up the car. “Aw that’s sweet. Annie is really great. I’m glad he’s so devoted to her.”

As they pulled out of the parking lot, she shot a quick text to Jo and Madge. She let them know where she and Peeta had disappeared to, and asked them to pass the message on to Rye.

“So what did your study buddy want?” Peeta broke the silence in the car after a moment.

Katniss looked over at him curiously, but he just continued to stare straight ahead at the road. “He wanted to know how I did on the test.”

Peeta laughed a little under his breath, shaking his head.

“What?” 

“Yeah, that’s not all he wanted, trust me.”

She shook her head in exasperation and looked out the window. She didn’t know how to respond at first, so she stayed quiet.

“What?” Peeta read her silence, encouraging her to open up.

“I…well, first off I don’t think he likes me like that. We’ve barely talked outside of a school setting.” She took a deep breath to get through the next part. “And I don’t know, I just feel uncomfortable at the thought of a guy liking me like that when I don’t return his feelings. It’s kind of why I don’t date. There’s so much expectation that you’re supposed to have this attraction and instant connection. It almost seems like if you go into something with those kind of expectations, it ends up being fake.”

She felt awkward as the words hung heavily in the car between them, both of them knowing his brother fell into the category of guys liking her when she didn’t feel the same way. But at the same time, it was more than that—it was the fact that for the second time since she’d known Peeta, she found herself opening up to him and sharing things that she had never told anyone else before.

He compelled her to lay herself bare before him, and so far she hadn’t even put up a fight; she hadn’t even wanted to.

Peeta was quiet for a long time, and with each passing second she felt more and more embarrassed by what she had admitted. 

“So what about when you actually do return a guy’s feelings?”

She hadn’t been expecting that response. Answering this was even more embarrassing than what she had already said. She fiddled with her hands in her lap and took a deep, calming breath. 

“I haven’t ever really…returned a guy’s feelings, that is. Not the way you’re supposed to. Not in a way that made me want something more.”

They reached a stoplight, and Peeta turned to look at her, his eyes boring into her, like he was trying to see inside her head. She felt the flush creep up her neck and she looked away, feeling entirely too exposed beneath his penetrating gaze.

He cleared his throat as the light turned green. “I can’t seem to figure you out,” he said, his tone making it clear that he was trying to lighten the mood.

She shook her head and laughed. “I can’t figure you out either. What’s your real reason for not dating?”

“I told you,” he responded immediately, “I don’t want anyone learning my deepest, darkest secrets.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but they were already turning into the parking lot of the dive bar where Finnick was.

“This place is kind of shady, so do you mind waiting in the car while I run in and get him?”

She shook her head no, and he undid his buckle, moving to get out of the car. “Be right back.”

She watched him lightly jog up to the front door, presenting the bouncer with his ID before glancing back at her once and going inside. She liked that he had asked her to wait here, rather than told her to. She was starting to like a lot of things about Peeta Mellark. And the fact that she was still as, if not more, attracted to him as when she first ran into him in only her underwear was starting to mess with her head.

It took less than ten minutes for Peeta to reemerge from the bar, Finnick slung over his shoulder, head hanging and feet dragging, as the pair walked back to the car. Katniss jumped out of the front seat to help Peeta get Finnick in the back.

"Hey are you Katniss?" Finnick slurred, looking down at her with a dazed expression.

"Yeah, hi, Finnick, nice to meet you," Katniss replied, trying not to laugh at his totally drunken state.

"Annie told me about you," he replied, his face lighting up at the mention of his new girlfriend. Then he leaned down closer to her and tried to whisper the next words in her ear. He tried to whisper, but he was so out of it he was practically yelling. "Peeta's told me a lot about you too. A LOT!"

She shook her head and laughed as Peeta opened the backseat of his car and practically shoved him in.

"Shut up and put your seatbelt on," Peeta grumbled.

When they were back in the car and on their way home, Finnick started groaning in agony. "I'm so hammered," he whined. Katniss turned to look back at him. He was lying down along the length of the backseat, a hand thrown over his face that was twisted in obvious discomfort.

"What the fuck did you drink, man?" Peeta asked.

"I don't even remember," Finnick admitted. "I'm glad Annie is back home this weekend though. I wouldn't want her seeing me like this."

"You didn't...?"

"Fuck no I didn't," Finnick protested to Peeta's silent suggestion. "I told you man...I think she's the one."

Katniss' jaw dropped, glancing from Finnick back to Peeta. She was so going to love being able to be the one to tell Annie that interesting little comment. She smiled at the thought. She hadn't really had a chance to properly catch up with her friend since the semester started.

"Good for you," Peeta laughed. "It's about time you got your shit together."

Finnick groaned in agreement and was quiet for a while before speaking up again. It seemed like he was too much of a chatty drunk to stay quiet longer than a few minutes.

"Katniss, how are you liking living with them Mellark boys?"

"Not bad," Katniss laughed. "I've had much worse roommates."

"Hey Peeta, is Rye still being a prick? I'll talk to him about it if you want. You're doing the right thing here."

"Finnick, shut up," Peeta said sternly, his voice going cold and hard all of a sudden. Katniss looked over at him and saw how his jaw was tense and his grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"No really, he's got no right," Finnick insisted. "He doesn't understand the shit you put up with for him."

"Finnick, shut up!!" Peeta nearly yelled, causing Katniss to flinch at the near panic and anger in his voice. Her heart started beating wildly, but it wasn't from fear of Peeta; it was from fear for him. He seemed like he was going to break down if Finnick said one more thing. 

"The fucking nerve of that woman," Finnick continued, like he just wasn't hearing Peeta, as if he was just too drunk to read the situation. "After all these years and after all she did. How she could call herself your mother..."

"SHUT UP!" Peeta exploded in one loud, desperate outburst. Katniss gasped, looking over at him with wide eyes. She had expected to see rage and violence and anger seething out of him, but it was the complete opposite. She saw his pain and hurt and sadness, and it affected her so much she felt like part of herself was broken too. She held her breath; she wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him, to take some of this pain that tormented him away so he didn't have to carry it all by himself.

The car had gone completely silent and she could tell Peeta was barely holding it together.

"I'm sorry, man..." Finnick said quietly after a while. "I can't fucking think straight right now."

"We're here," Peeta said as they pulled up to Finnick's apartment complex. She stayed in the car as Peeta got out to help him inside.

"Sorry darling, I usually put my foot in my mouth when I'm sober too, but not quite to that degree," Finnick said to Katniss when it was just the two of them in the car.

"Don't worry about it," Katniss assured him. "It was nice meeting you, Finnick."

"Night," he returned, sliding out of the backseat as he and Peeta made their way to the front doors. She watched through her window as Finnick put his hand on Peeta's shoulder and talked to him for a few moments. Finally, Peeta nodded his head and they embraced quickly. She took a relieved breath, glad that the two of them seemed so close that they could get over that little incident so quickly. She was happy that he had as good and loyal a friend as Finnick in his life.

When he got back to the car, he didn't say anything, and Katniss had no idea where she would even begin so they drove in silence all the way back to their apartment.

When they were finally back at their place and tiptoeing down the hall past Rye's room to reach their own bedrooms, they heard laughing and whispering coming from behind the closed door. The sounds slowly melted into grunts and moans, and Katniss had to hold back a laugh. She looked over at Peeta with a smile. "I guess he didn't need my help after all," she joked.

Peeta didn't return her smile. He just stared straight at the closed door of Rye's bedroom with a blank expression. He shook his head as if to clear it and then proceeded towards his room. 

As he reached his door, Katniss felt a kind of desperation rising in her to say something before he shut his bedroom door behind him for the night.

He glanced back at her once as he reached his room, raising his hand to the doorknob. “Night,” he said, already turning his back on her.

“Peeta,” she called to him before she had even settled on what she wanted to say. 

He stopped and turned back to her, apprehension and confusion playing across his face. 

“I, um…” she flushed and looked down, nervously fiddling with her hands. She thought about the way Peeta had looked close to panic at the thought of Finnick bringing up his family shit in front of her. 

“Well, just so you know—and I promise I won’t bring this up again—but I'm the last person you should ever feel embarrassed in front of over family drama, believe me." She took a deep breath, realizing she was opening up parts of herself to Peeta once again. And she was doing it so easily, without as much as a second thought.

Peeta’s eyes narrowed and he tilted his head to the side, looking at her warily.

“My mom…” she took a shaky breath and pushed past the knot of emotion in her throat, “…circumstances made her weak, but then she did a pretty good job of fucking things up all by herself.” She closed her eyes and breathed through the pain in her chest at the thought of her father’s death, her mother’s depression, and the withdrawn, sad woman who replaced who replaced her formerly loving, happy mother for the years that followed. 

She shot him a weak smile and moved towards her bedroom door. 

She didn’t give him a chance to respond. She wasn’t sure she wanted him to. “Goodnight Peeta.”

X

“You’re up early,” Katniss commented as she walked into the kitchen the next morning. 

Peeta was already at the stove scrambling eggs and frying bacon. He seemed to be tending to several different things all at once, and he glanced back at her briefly before grabbing a tray to slide into the oven.

“Yeah, I was in the mood for a big breakfast, so I figured I’d get an early start this morning.” 

Opening the fridge, she poured herself a glass of orange juice and then came over to inspect what he was making. 

“Cinnamon rolls?” she asked with glee when she saw the dough ready to be baked.

“And I’ve got cheese buns baking right now,” he replied with a little quirk of his lips, checking the timer on the oven. 

She hopped up on the counter near him and rubbed her belly emphatically. “I’m going to devour this,” she laughed. “I love breakfast food.”

He grinned at her, the kind of smile that caught her off guard it was so genuine and warm and beautiful that she actually felt her heart skip. Suddenly she remembered she wasn’t wearing a bra and her shorts were really, really short.

When he reached around her for something he needed, her breath caught and she was fully aware of the intimacy of her sitting like this, her legs dangling off the counter as he worked around her. She opened her mouth to say something when someone else entered the kitchen.

“Madge?”

Her friend was wearing an oversized t-shirt that fell nearly to her knees, and nothing else. A faint blush crawled over her fair skin, but she just pulled the fridge open to grab a bottle of water.

“Hey, Katniss,” she laughed.

“You and Rye?” Katniss gaped at her, still trying to process the fact that those moans last night coming from Rye’s room were...oh, god.

Madge shrugged and took a gulp of her water. “We were drunk. I think I still am. I’ll call you later,” she said before walking out of the kitchen. 

When she was gone, Katniss turned to Peeta, who was back facing the stove, tending to the eggs.

“Well, that didn’t take him long to get over me,” she laughed, nudging Peeta in the arm.

He turned down the heat on the stove and put down the spoon he was using. When he looked up at her, she felt the intensity of his gaze like a touch. He took a step towards her so he was standing between her legs and leaned in towards her. 

She couldn’t breathe. Her knees were hugging his narrow hips, and just him being this close suddenly had the place between her thighs wet and throbbing. His eyes roamed over her face like he was taking in every detail about her.

“You have no idea, do you?” he asked, placing his hands flat on the counter on either side of her hips. He didn’t move any closer. He just kept looking at her like she was a puzzle he was trying to solve. And she didn’t ask what she apparently had no idea about, because all she could think about was his closeness and how having him this near made her whole body start to thrum with this hot, fast energy, like her heartbeat was no longer confined to just her chest.

She swallowed hard and reached up to grasp his bicep that his plain blue t-shirt was hugging. She opened her mouth to say something when the sound of a throat clearing forced Peeta to step back and return his attention to the eggs.

She looked across the kitchen to see Rye standing there, his eyes darting back and forth between her and Peeta. He looked confused and a little wary as he stepped into the kitchen.

“Breakfast?” he asked, not looking at Katniss as he opened the fridge.

“Be ready in 15,” Peeta returned, his tone casual.

Katniss couldn’t bring herself to meet Rye’s gaze, afraid that everything she felt moments ago from Peeta being so close would be too easy to read on her face.

“Cool thanks,” Rye replied, walking out of the kitchen without a glance back at the pair of them.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to hop down off the counter.

“Be right back,” she whispered, fleeing from the kitchen to try and compose herself. She could still feel Peeta between her legs and the attraction that had been there since the moment she met him was more intense, building into something all consuming. She wasn’t sure she could handle it.


	4. Chapter 4

“He was a great lay, I’ll give him that.”

Katniss laughed at Madge’s recount of her one-night stand with Rye Mellark. After seeing her friend walk into her kitchen wearing nothing but her roommate’s t-shirt, the pair decided to grab lunch the following day to catch up and discuss what exactly went down after Katniss had left the bar with Peeta.

“Okay, I don’t want those kind of details,” Katniss laughed. “Tell me how it happened. I thought he was hitting on random chicks all night.”

“He was,” Madge explained as the waiter placed their food down in front of them. “But then I went over to tell him that you and Peeta took off together…”

“Was he mad?” Katniss couldn’t help but ask. She was still feeling guilty for abandoning him when the whole reason they had gone out was for her to be Rye’s wingman. Especially since she had left with Peeta, and especially after what Rye had seen in the kitchen the next morning. But what had he really seen? She was still trying to figure that out herself. It wasn’t like she and Peeta had kissed or had even been about to. They hadn’t even really been flirting. They had just had...a moment.

Madge shrugged as she took a bite of her salad and chewed thoughtfully. “Not really,” she admitted. “He started being all flirty with me like right away, so I couldn’t really gauge his reaction to the news anyway.”

“So what? He just won you over with his boyish good looks and crooked smile?”

Madge shrugged again with a guilty laugh. “No, at first I told him I would step up to the plate for you since you bailed on him. We were just having so much fun together, looking around at all the girls at the bar, trying to figure out their turn-ons and kinks. He was making me laugh, and then he started saying things like he was more interested in my turn-ons than anything else.” A faint blush crawled across her cheeks, and Katniss could see that there was a lot more to Madge and Rye’s hook-up than just alcohol and lust.

“I don’t know, I just…I guess I finally saw him in a different light,” Madge admitted, looking lost in thought as she pondered something. Finally, she exhaled a deep breath and locked eyes with Katniss. “Look can I tell you something and not have you judge me?”

“Of course,” Katniss insisted, “you’re one of my best friends. I’m not here to judge. I’m here to listen.”

“Okay, you know that I went to the same high school as Rye. Peeta was a senior when we were freshmen, but I was never really close with Rye. He was nice and all, but we didn’t really hang out all that much. And well, along with just about every other female in our town, I was so attracted to Peeta. But he’s always been like he is now, you know? He’s quiet and closed off and unreachable. I think that’s probably a lot of why girls are drawn to him, the whole mystery and challenge of being the one to crack him open.”

Katniss bristled at the suggestion. Was that why she was starting to like Peeta? She didn’t think so. She didn’t like that he kept things close to the chest. But she didn’t want to force him to open up to her if he didn’t want to, if he wasn’t ready. She would be there willing to listen if he decided to share with her—she had already given him the opportunity to do so a couple of times—but she wasn’t going to force him, or to feel like that once he did that she could magically heal him somehow.

“So yeah, basically I’ve always had a bit of a crush on Peeta and now I’m trying to figure out if I slept with Rye because I wanted to, or because I realized he was the Mellark boy I could actually have.”

Katniss could see the guilt in Madge’s eyes as she pondered the answer to her own question. And to Katniss, that answered the question in and of itself, proving that Madge did care about Rye in some way. She did have feelings for him, because otherwise she wouldn’t be worrying about this right now. 

“Well, do you still like Peeta?” Katniss asked, holding her breath for the answer. She told herself it wouldn’t matter either way, because Madge could like who she wanted and so could Peeta. And besides, he was her roommate, he was Rye’s older brother. She had to keep reminding herself of that. 

“No, not really,” Madge answered, “I mean he’s hot, obviously,” she laughed, and Katniss laughed with her, exhaling in relief. “And he’s seriously only gotten hotter since high school, but no, I’ve moved beyond that.”

“So then there’s your answer. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about. You slept with Rye because you like him. Would you hook up with him again?”

The blush that appeared on Madge’s cheeks was confirmation enough. “Yeah, probably,” she smiled. “I told you he was a good lay.”

Katniss laughed and shook her head.

“Although, I do hope he’s over you,” Madge added, and Katniss felt her stomach twist uncomfortably. “He’s liked you since freshman year and just because you told him that you don’t feel the same way doesn’t mean that his feelings are gone.” Madge studied her carefully like she was contemplating her next words. “Isn’t it even more awkward living with him now?”

“No, not at all,” Katniss insisted quickly. “I think if anything, living with me will reveal all my annoying habits and whatnot,” she explained. “He’ll be so sick of me in a few months that he’ll be wondering what he ever saw in me in the first place.”

That, and he might be pissed off and annoyed that she can’t keep her eyes from following his older brother around a room. He might lose it when he walks into a room to hear their intimate conversation, the way she and Peeta are always just a little bit too close to each other. 

But she wasn’t ready to share that part with Madge. She wasn’t even sure she was ready to admit to herself how she was starting to feel about Peeta. 

“Nah, Rye has a soft spot for you,” Madge insisted, a note of something like apprehension in her voice. “He could never dislike you.”

Katniss couldn’t reply; all she could do was hope that Rye’s fondness for her wasn’t going to linger forever, that it didn’t prevent both of them from moving forward with their lives.

X

Jo and Madge. Finnick and Annie. Peeta’s friend, Thresh. Eight people, including her, Rye, and Peeta, in their tiny apartment living room, and it felt like a huge party. She wasn’t exactly sure how it happened. But everyone was here now, laughing and talking and drinking. Rye set up an impromptu game of beer pong. Peeta turned on the music. She was having a really good time.

She thought about how much she would miss this when she graduated in the spring. College had been the best four years of her life because she got to be on her own; she got to grow and change and learn more about herself. And she met friends she will have for the rest of her life without a doubt. 

She would miss random parties on a Tuesday night. She would miss being in a room full of laughter and conversation and people that made her happy. It was so easy. It was fun. It was exactly what she needed.

Peeta was drinking. Maybe not as much as that first night they ran into each other at the bar, but he was buzzed and easily on his way to being drunk.

She kept watching him. She couldn’t help it. Her eyes followed him around the room, watched the way he laughed and talked and smiled. She had people snapping their fingers in front of her face to get her attention. She thought she was being sly about it, but apparently not.

When Peeta looked across the room and locked eyes with her, she held her breath. 

“Katniss, you’re my partner for next game!” Rye called her from the beer pong table, breaking her from her trance. She smiled and agreed, because she wanted to be a good friend, because every time she felt that pull towards Peeta she felt like she was punching Rye in the gut.

It wasn’t like Rye had ever been in love with her, but he had liked her and maybe he still did a little bit. So out of simple respect to him as a friend it felt cruel and mean and wrong to be feeling this way, to be feeling this strongly, in such a short amount of time, about his older brother.

But as the night wore on, she started getting mad.

Rye was throwing her arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. He was making flirty comments and specifically calling Peeta over to talk, as he took a shot with one hand still wrapped around her. 

It was stuff he used to do the past couple of years. Flirty, playful stuff that always made his intentions clear. Except now it was different. Now he knew how she definitively felt on the matter. Now he was doing it and making sure Peeta saw. He was doing it while Madge stood off to the side looking sad and withdrawn. And it felt like he was doing it on purpose, like that little moment he had walked in on in the kitchen between Katniss and Peeta the other day rubbed him the wrong way and this was what he decided to do about it.

Finally Katniss and Rye lost a game, and she took the opportunity to separate herself from him. She moved towards the kitchen to grab a drink. 

When she felt a hand on her shoulder, she stepped away and turned to face him.

“Cut it out.”

“Ah, you know I love it when you’re feisty,” Rye joked, his eyes glazed over with drunkenness.

“I’m serious,” she said, her tone stern. “What the fuck are you doing? Have you not noticed Madge standing by herself most of the night, making sad puppy dog eyes at you?”

His face fell. “She doesn’t like me like that.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s why she’s looked miserable the whole night with you barely paying any attention to her. Stop being an ass.”

He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. “I wasn’t sure…I didn’t know if it was just a one night thing. I didn’t want to…” he sighed, obviously frustrated with himself. “I don’t fucking know.”

“And you won’t ever fucking know unless you go talk to her, you dipshit.”

He laughed out loud, a stupid dopey smile breaking across his face. “You got a point.”

“Of course I do. Now go.” She practically shoved him out of the kitchen.

Peeta found her not too long after.

“My brother being a moron?”

“No more than usual,” she joked, and he smiled. 

“I think I might have to call in tomorrow, which is really goddamn irresponsible but I guess I forgot I’m not in college anymore and I can’t just party on a Tuesday night like it’s no big deal.” He shook his head ruefully, like he was part annoyed and part amused that he found himself in this situation.

She shrugged. “It’s probably good to let loose sometimes.”

“Yeah…” he said at length, like he wasn’t quite sure if he agreed or not.

Rye left with Madge, saying he was going to walk her back to her place. People disappeared slowly after that, and then it was past 1 am and she and Peeta were alone in the apartment cleaning up the mess. 

He collapsed on the couch and patted the spot next to him. “Come sit,” he ordered her.

She hesitated for a moment before flipping off the light in the kitchen so the room settled into darkness, with only the glow from the muted TV and the moonlight pouring in from the windows. She came over and sat beside him, turning her body towards his.

He was holding a nearly finished bottle of gin. He stared at it like it held the answers to his questions.

“Do you think I drink too much?”

She was almost startled by the question, by the fact he was bypassing any sort of small talk about the party or other trivial things. But in a way she was glad, too. Small talk didn’t seem right between her and Peeta. They usually went all in or nothing. She took a moment to really consider it before she spoke.

“Do you think you drink too much?”

“Yes. Kind of. I don’t know,” he sighed and put the bottle down on the coffee table. Leaning back against the couch, he scrubbed his hands over his face. “I should probably cut back a little bit. Especially given why I drink…”

She swallowed and worked up the courage to ask the question that he seemed to want her to ask.

“Why do you drink?”

When he answered, his voice wavered, and she was surprised at the way her heart twisted from the sound of his pain. She had to hold herself back from reaching out to him.

“I like feeling numb.”

She had no idea what to say to that. She couldn’t comprehend the kind of pain he carried around with him on a constant basis if he actually enjoyed the absence of any feeling at all. She floundered for a few moments, searching desperately for something adequate or intelligent or just anything to say.

He kept talking, though, before she had a chance to react to his admission.

“Rye’s mad at me,” he said quietly. “He’s so angry at me for so many things. Some things he’s completely justified for, and others…” he shook his head and closed his eyes, as if to ward off the disappointment. “And other things that he’ll just never understand. And even if he did, he probably would still despise and resent me.”

“Peeta…” She couldn’t take hearing his misery a moment longer. She reached out for his arm, wrapping her hand around his warm bicep. She was surprised when she recognized the emotion she had to push back in her throat and the stinging tightness behind her eyes.

He turned so he was facing her completely, so there was less than a foot separating them. He reached for her other hand and just held it, keeping his gaze trained on their hands rather than looking at her.

“He has no idea the things I’ve done for him,” he whispered, and an ominous chill hung around his words, somehow it was clear that it was not the normal kind of things an older brother did for his younger sibling growing up.

She squeezed his hand, and he dragged his gaze up to meet her own.

“He doesn’t realize the things I won’t do because of him.” 

Her breath caught. She could see it in his eyes, in the way he held himself. She could feel it in the sudden tension in his body and the spark of electricity in the air that surrounded them. He wanted to kiss her. She wanted him to kiss her. 

But it didn’t matter. They both knew why he wouldn’t, why he couldn’t.

She waded through the haze of attraction and the power of the feelings Peeta evoked in her. When she spoke again, she could only barely whisper the words.

“He’s lucky to have you as a brother.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “No one is lucky to have me as anything.” The tortured agony in his voice gutted her. She knew a lot of this was the booze talking, but it was killing her to hear him speak like this.

She tightened her grip on his bicep, forcing him to look at her. “Stop. Don’t say that.”

“I still have nightmares,” he blurted out.

The admission caught her off guard, and she couldn’t hide her initial response to it—surprise and confusion—right away. He read it on her face and he shook his head in self-loathing.

“Yeah, that’s right. I’m 25-fucking-years-old and I still wake up screaming in the middle of the night sometimes. Have you heard it yet through the wall we share? Has it woken you up from a deep sleep yet? You know that’s why our last roommate had to move out? I kept waking him up, screaming from my bad dreams like a fucking kid.”

Her face was wet with tears. She looked at him, her heart aching in response to his pain. She couldn’t fathom what he had been through in his life, but it seemed like it would make her problems pale in comparison.

He studied her for a moment, finally lifting his hand and wiping away her tears from her cheek. “And now I’ve made you cry. I’m a fucking piece of work, aren’t I?”

“Stop,” she admonished him gently, turning his palm towards her so she could place a gentle kiss there. When she looked at him again, his eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily.

“You know you’re the first person I’ve ever told about my nightmares? I always expected to be pitied. But you don’t pity me, do you?”

“I’m sad for you, Peeta,” she explained. “I don’t know what gives you nightmares, but whatever it is, it’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for it.”

He shook his head a little ruefully like he wished he could believe her.

“Text me.”

His eyebrows came in together in confusion.

“Text me. The next time you have a nightmare. We can just talk until you feel better. Until you can get back to sleep.”

He studied her like he couldn’t decide if she was being serious. But his lips started to tip up in amusement and that lifted her spirits. “You want me to text you from the other side of the wall we share?”

“Yes,” she nodded in confirmation. “That’s exactly what I want. And if I don’t answer, bang on the wall.” 

“I don’t want to wake you up. You shouldn’t have to lose sleep because of me,” he protested, but she could tell he was leaning towards the idea.

“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to. I want to help. I want you to know it’s okay, I want to help you feel better.”

She realized that their fingers were intertwined and her other hand was still wrapped around his bicep, pulling him towards her. 

“Okay,” he whispered.

The sound of the key in the lock at the front door caused them to break away from each other, repositioning themselves so there was a little more distance between them on the couch.

When Rye walked in he froze, looking back and forth between the two of them, like it was a crime to be sitting side-by-side and alone.

“Madge get home okay?” Katniss asked, trying to be casual.

“Yeah, she’s good,” Rye huffed out, stalking past them and walking directly into his bedroom. He didn’t slam his door, but he didn’t exactly close it nicely either.

She shut her eyes in exasperation, hating this impossible situation. It seemed she couldn’t even interact with Peeta now without Rye getting ticked off. She couldn’t imagine how he’d react if something were to ever actually happen between her and Peeta.

Peeta must have had similar thoughts, because he stood up from the couch and shot her a weak smile. “Thanks, Katniss, I’m going to bed. Night.” 

“Night,” she called after him softly, hoping he really would take her up on her offer the next time he had a nightmare.

X

She awoke the next morning just as the sun was coming up. She was desperate for a glass of water, but as she tiptoed down the hall towards the kitchen she overheard a hushed conversation. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but the sound of her name stopped her in her tracks. The sound of Peeta’s voice made her chest tighten.

“Katniss is gorgeous. She could have any guy she wants. You think she gives two shits about me?”

“I don’t know…” Rye responded warily. She held her breath, debating whether to turn back and flee to her room, or listen to the rest of this conversation. “You guys just seem like you’re close. She’s always watching you…”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Peeta scolded him. “She’s nice. We’re friends. That’s it.”

She struggled with the strange feeling of disappointment that hearing Peeta say those words caused in her. And yet, at the same time, she could hear the edge of doubt in his voice, the difficulty he was having convincing Rye of this fact.

She felt a sinking sensation in her stomach that they were even having this conversation, that the idea of anything between her and Peeta truly bothered Rye that much. 

The thing that she was almost certain of was that this wasn’t really about Rye liking her anymore. She knew he was moving past his crush, that he accepted she didn’t return his feelings and never would. It seemed it was more about the fact that she had been Rye’s friend first. And the stupid, territorial alpha-male part of him must have felt that if he couldn’t have her then he didn’t want to imagine her with anyone else, least of all his brother.

She didn’t want to hear any more so she turned and went back to her room. 

But later, when she ran into Peeta in the bathroom they shared and he smiled at her like she was the sunrise, she knew the conversation she had heard had only been for Rye’s benefit and nothing else.


	5. Chapter 5

Katniss: Do you want to talk about it?

Peeta: Not really…

Katniss: That’s okay. We don’t have to. Tell me about your day.

Peeta: I had to monitor detention. It was boring. 

Katniss: What subject do you teach?

Peeta: English

Katniss: I really liked that dinner you made tonight.

Peeta: You mean last night?

She turned and looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was indeed 3am and Peeta had texted after a particularly difficult nightmare that woke her up before her phone had even vibrated.

Peeta: Are you sure this is okay? I feel bad. You shouldn’t have to be up just because I am.

Katniss: We’ve been over this. Shut up. I’m a big girl. If I didn’t want to be doing this I wouldn’t be.

Peeta: No one makes you do anything you don’t want to do, huh?

Katniss: Nope. I’m very stubborn.

She yawned and turned on her side, holding her phone close, the bright screen lighting up the room. She was so glad that Peeta had reached out to her tonight, that he actually took her up on her offer to talk him down after his nightmares. 

Her phone was quiet for a minute as she debated what to say next. She held it in her hand like it was something fragile.

Peeta: I’m really glad you moved in, Katniss. I’m glad we’re friends. I care about you. 

She felt silly at the smile that broke across her face. She couldn’t help the pounding in her chest and the way those words on the small screen made her feel giddy and light. She took a deep breath and texted him back.

Katniss: I do too. I’m really glad I got to meet you Peeta.   
She hesitated, biting her lip and contemplating whether to add more. Hesitantly, she typed.

Katniss: I trust you. And that’s not something I do very easily. 

Peeta: Me neither. But I do too. Trust you, that is.

Katniss: So I know you’re a teacher and you can cook. And I know other than Rye you probably don’t want to talk about your family. Or your nightmares. But I want to know the rest if you’ll let me. I want to know you better. 

She held her breath in the time it took him to answer, which felt like longer than it probably was.

Peeta: Yeah, alright. I’ll allow it :) 

Katniss: Good. I’m going to hold you to that. Night :)

Peeta: Good night, Katniss…

X

“Take a deep breath in through your nose, and then exhale through your mouth.”

Katniss tried to concentrate. She really did. But the sight of Peeta was quite distracting. He was wearing athletic shorts that hung low off his hips and a sleeveless t-shirt. His eyes were closed, and his muscles bulged from the yoga stance he was currently in.

When he got home from work that night to find her in the living room doing her usual yoga routine, she had convinced him to join her. Now she was flushed and sweaty and wearing only a sports bra and yoga pants. She was glad the red in her cheeks could be passed off as exertion from her workout, because the way he had looked her up and down when he first walked in made her feel like she was burning under his gaze. 

“Don’t you ever get bored?” he asked, as they moved from Cobra pose back to Downward Dog. 

“You have to quiet your mind,” she whispered. 

They walked back on their hands until they were bent at the waist, standing side by side, with their foreheads almost touching their shins.

“You expect me to quiet my mind when you’re next to me wearing that?”

She couldn’t stop the stupid smile on her face in response to his comment. They rose together as one, pushing their arms out before bringing them in front of their chests, pressed together at the palms. He didn’t even allow her to respond before he continued. “Besides, it’s hard for me to quiet my mind. I’ve got too much shit to worry about.”

She sighed and turned to face him as they moved into Warrior pose, their front legs bent forward and their arms extended at length. “That’s the thing though, Peeta. It’s not about pretending you don’t have problems; it’s about not letting it drag you down. It could maybe help with your nightmares.” 

They moved into Reverse Warrior pose, their hands trailing down their back legs as they shifted their torsos to face the ceiling. “I don’t think anything is going to help my nightmares,” he said bitterly, and then added before she could protest, “How the hell can you do that?”

He was talking about how she had her hands linked together behind her back, one arm snaking between her outstretched legs. “Easy,” she insisted, moving out of her own pose to come stand behind him. “Drop your upper hand back behind your back…”

He tried to do so, but he lost his balance and promptly fell over, causing her to fall back on the ground with him. They burst out into laughter as they found themselves in a tangle of limbs sprawled out on the living room floor. The laughter died away, and she realized how intertwined they were, the places where their skin touched, how compelled she felt to reach out and brush his sweaty hair from his face.

He shook his head and then untangled his limbs from her. She was disappointed momentarily, but then he grabbed her hand and coaxed her to lie down next to him so that they were side by side gazing up at the ceiling together.

“Favorite color?”

“What?”

“I told you I wanted to know you better,” Katniss explained, feeling her heart beat loudly in response as he laced their fingers together. “And you’ve got to start somewhere.”

He laughed, a deep, rich sound that made her chest warm.

“Orange. Like the sunset. What about you?”

“Green. Like the forest.” She hesitated for a moment before continuing. “My dad used to take me camping when I was little.”

He sat up a little to lean on his elbow as he looked down at her.

“What happened?” he asked solemnly. 

She realized he could tell by the expression on her face that there was more to the story she hadn’t revealed yet. And when she told him, she found it was as easy as breathing. Talking to Peeta about her father, losing him at a young age and the agony that followed as her mother slipped away from her, felt so natural and right, as if Peeta was always the person she was meant to share this story with. It didn’t even hurt her as much as it usually did to recall those dark moments in her past while she was talking to him. She was so grateful in that moment to have him in her life, even if they were just friends and likely to only ever be that much to each other. He was like a light in the darkness; she had never had someone in her life before who she felt so drawn to, so connected to in ways she couldn’t fully understand.

“It means so much that you shared that with me,” he told her when she had finished. He bent to kiss the back of her hand that was joined with his. “Especially since you know there are things about me…my family…that I can’t…that it’s just hard to— ”

She cut him off before he could finish that thought. “It’s okay. I didn’t tell you those things so you would tell me about your family. If you’re not ready to, or you just don’t want to, that’s okay.”

“I do want to share things with you though,” he insisted. “I…god, I want to tell you everything. I have something happen at work and I automatically think about telling you. I hear a joke and I wonder if it would make you laugh. I want to show you my paintings. I want you to meet all my friends. I want you to know me.”

An all-consuming, warmth washed over her as she felt her stomach dip and her heart expand. She had never had someone talk to her like this, like she was beyond special and amazing, like she was the only person he could see in a crowd of a thousand. The fact that it was happening now with Peeta, a guy where her attraction was as strong as her feelings, was hard to process.

She smiled up at him shyly, loving that he wanted to share the parts of his life that he was able to. She would more than welcome that; she would take whatever he was going to give her. 

She reached up and cupped the side of his face, stroking her thumb across his cheek before letting her hand fall away.

“So tell me,” she whispered.

So he told her. He told her about his paintings, how he loved to mix colors together to try and find the exact right shade of something. He told her about playing soccer in high school but tearing his ACL and losing a chance at a scholarship to play in college. He told her about his favorite TV shows and movies. He told her everything and anything that was both important and trivial. The conversation dissolved into a mutual discussion about the most seemingly insignificant things—how they take their tea and coffee, sleeping with the windows open or closed—and before she knew it they had talked for hours. 

She had the biggest grin on her face. She felt like she was floating on air. She felt closer to Peeta than she ever had before. She was in the middle of convincing herself that this was enough. That if they couldn’t ever be more because of his obligation to Rye, then being Peeta’s friend was pretty damn fantastic itself.

But then, during a pause in their conversation, he gazed down at her with intensity in his eyes, looking over her face. Her breath caught, and when he leaned in, her heart felt like it was going to burst from her chest. But he just kissed her forehead and then pulled away, moving to stand up.

He offered her his hand, and in a daze, she took it, climbing to her feet beside him.

“I’m going to take a shower,” he told her, his hand briefly reaching out for her hip, cradling the curve like it belonged there, like he always did. 

“Good, you smell,” she joked, hoping she appeared more calm than she felt. She didn’t feel calm at all. She felt wired and strung tight. 

Being nothing more than friends with Peeta was not something she was entirely sure she could actually do.

X

She heard yelling.

She heard loud, angry voices as she approached her apartment door.

Her chest tightened as she recognized Peeta and Rye’s voices. She hesitated for a moment, wondering what she should do. Realizing she couldn’t avoid coming home just because they were in a fight, she slowly put her key in the lock and took her time opening the door, making sure to give them both plenty of warning that she was entering. 

She hadn’t heard the specifics of what they had been yelling about, but based on their red, flushed faces as she walked in the door, she could only guess one thing.

Peeta didn’t even look at her. He was staring at Rye with so much anger and pain in his eyes it scared her. Rye looked over at her briefly, but then looked away, like he was partly annoyed at her presence and partly embarrassed to have her walk in on them like this. 

She didn’t say anything. She just put her things down quietly, as Peeta turned and walked down the hall to his bedroom and Rye disappeared into the kitchen.

She disappeared to her room without a word to either of them, feeling that she should just stay out of their business for the time being. 

Later that night, after getting a good amount of studying done, she crossed the hall to the bathroom to brush her teeth. The light was on, but the door was ajar and cautiously she pushed it open. She stepped inside to the sight of Peeta, shirtless, in his underwear, bracing himself against the counter ledge and staring into the mirror with a tortured look in his eyes. 

“Oh god, I’m sorry!” she gasped, startled by the sight of him.

She turned to leave, but she felt a hand on her arm pull her back. Peeta closed the bathroom door behind her and pushed her up against it, forcing the air from her lungs. She gazed up at him in shock, overwhelmed by how close he was, how much of his naked flesh was on display, how absolutely miserable he looked.

“Katniss…” he croaked out, taking her hands in his own.

She felt like she was going to cry. He looked like he was in so much pain that it was hard to bear it herself. He ran his thumbs across the back of her hands. His head was down, unable to meet her eyes.

“Do you…” he got choked up, pausing to clear his throat before continuing, “do you think…am I a good person?”

The question leveled her. How could he possibly…? She held back her own tears and composed herself enough to answer. 

“Peeta…” she implored him, “God, yes…you’re…don’t ever doubt that, ever. You are Peeta, I swear.” Her vocal chords were strung tight with the effort it took not to cry.

He exhaled a deep breath and finally lifted his gaze to meet hers. The cloudy look of agony was gone, but he was still hurting and she could see it. He took her hands and pulled them to wrap around his neck. He dipped his head to the curve of her neck and wrapped his own arms around her waist, pulling her tightly against him.

She had to close her eyes at the surge of emotions. Being pressed up against Peeta when he was half-naked, standing in his arms, and knowing that somehow she had been able to alleviate some of his pain was overwhelming. She couldn’t form a coherent thought; all she could do was feel. She could feel the muscles of his chest and back. She could feel how warm and solid he was. She could feel the soft caress of his breath against her neck. 

“Thank you,” he whispered in her ear.

“I’m here, Peeta.” She spoke against his bare chest, her head cradled into that nook between his arm and shoulder. “I’m here any time you need me. If you want to talk about it, or even if you don’t.”

He squeezed her tighter and then pulled away, forcing her hands to drop as he took a step back. The loss of him was startling. She didn’t realize how warm and alive she felt when he had been holding her, how fast her blood was pumping and how loudly her heart was beating. She was sure her face was flushed, and her lower belly was tightening in response to him.

He gave her a sad smile and then leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She stepped away, as he pulled the door open and disappeared out of the bathroom and back to his room. She stood there for a moment in a complete daze.

Finally, she pulled herself together enough to brush her teeth. When she was finished, she crossed the hall back to her room, debating for a moment whether or not to knock on Peeta’s door. She almost did it too. But she felt compelled to keep her unspoken promise to him that she wouldn’t force him to talk to her if he wasn’t ready or even if he just didn’t want to.

She made herself retire to her room for the night, and her mind was so focused on thoughts of Peeta she couldn’t even attempt going to sleep at a normal hour. She stayed up late reading, and it was well after 1am when she heard it.

Peeta’s screams were like a gunshot going off in the silent apartment. She startled, sitting up in bed, as her heart beat frantically in her chest. He was crying out, pleading for someone to stop, and the sound nearly undid her. The sound died all at once, as he must have woken himself up.

She sat there paralyzed for a while, her heart rate slowly returning to normal as she watched and waited for her phone to light up on her nightstand. She needed to hear from him. She needed to make sure he was okay.

But once almost ten minutes passed since he had woken up, she grew antsy. That nightmare had been one of the worst she had ever heard. He had to text her. He had to. She wanted to know he was okay, or at least as okay as he could be after something like that. 

Finally, she picked up her phone and went to her text message thread with Peeta, her fingers hovering over the keyboard. Maybe she should send him a text and assure him she was up and that it was okay to text her. 

Katniss: Hey…you ok?

She waited anxiously for five minutes without a response.

Katniss: I’m sorry…I wish there was something I could do

With every minute that passed, she felt more anxious and upset. She kept picturing Peeta alone in his room, trying to grapple with the awful nightmare that had woken him up.

Katniss: Peeta, please just tell me you’re okay…

There was still no response 5, 10, 15 minutes later, and she couldn’t sit still anymore. She had gotten out of bed and was pacing nervously around her room. She closed her eyes and remembered the pain in his eyes when she walked in on him in the bathroom earlier. She thought about the helpless, terrified tone of his voice as he cried out in terror from his nightmares.

She took a deep breath and set her resolve, realizing what she had to do.

Slowly, she opened her bedroom door and stepped out in the hallway. She stood in front of Peeta’s room and took a deep breath. Without knocking, she turned the knob and entered.


	6. Chapter 6

The room was dark. 

Quietly, she shut the door behind her and tiptoed towards Peeta’s bed. She could just barely make out his sleeping form. He was on his back, not moving, but she couldn’t tell whether he was awake or not.

Carefully, she came to sit beside him on the bed; he never moved or indicated he was aware of her presence. When she sat next to him, she saw that he was indeed awake and he was blankly staring up at the ceiling. The sight made her stomach twist in knots. Clearly, he was struggling more so than usual with this latest nightmare. 

“Peeta…” she whispered softly, fighting the urge to reach out and touch him. 

He slowly turned his head so he was looking at her, but it seemed as if he couldn’t really process the fact that she was here.

“Katniss?” he mumbled in confusion, the words a quiet rush of air.

He was so out of it; no wonder he hadn’t responded to her text messages or even thought to text her himself. He probably hadn’t even heard his phone. The thought made her throat tight with emotion as she gazed down at him and saw how lost and helpless he looked.

She reached out to grab his hand, lacing his fingers through hers.

“It’s okay,” she tried to console him, “I’m here now. It’s okay.”

He took a deep, shaky breath and locked eyes with her, finally seeing and understanding that she was in his room, at his bedside.

His face crumbled. He turned away from her and his body started to shake with silent sobs.

“Peeta…” she said helplessly, fighting to hold back her own tears. She didn’t even hesitate. She slid under the sheets beside him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her chest against his back. 

“It’s okay,” she told him, as sobs continued to rack his body. He was silent the whole time, and if she hadn’t seen it at first and heard his quiet sniffling she would have not been entirely sure he was really crying at all. She told him that it would be okay over and over again. She felt helpless. All she could do was cling to him until the worst of it passed.

Finally, his body stopped shaking and his breathing grew slow and even. She felt his body relax against hers and she melted into him. It was only now that his tears had dried that she allowed herself to revel in the situation. She closed her eyes and tried to memorize the feel of his body, how warm and solid he was. Their legs were tangled together and her hands were pressed flat on his chest, like she was pulling him back into her, trying to bring him inside her. She turned her head so her cheek was flat against his back and closed her eyes. 

The sound of his heartbeat lulled her to sleep.

X

When she awoke in the morning, she was immediately aware of the feeling of being watched.

Slowly she peeked one eye open to the sight of Peeta looking down at her.

She closed her eyes again immediately and recalled how she got into Peeta’s bed last night. This was not a dream. She was really lying next to him in her pajamas, surrounded by his scent. He was really wearing nothing but boxers right now. The thought made her flush and she wondered if he could read her mind.

He must have, because she heard him say her name very softly. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled shyly up at him.

“Hi…” she whispered, meeting his eyes as she bit her lip.

“Hey.” His voice was hoarse and still thick with sleep. 

“I hope you’re not mad…I mean I hope it’s okay…” she trailed off, embarrassed and unsure. Suddenly she was worried that he didn’t appreciate the fact that she had just come in here last night, uninvited, letting herself into his bed and being witness to his breakdown.

“Mad? Why would I be mad?”

She shrugged, unable to meet his eyes. She felt a hand on her chin as he directed her gaze to meet his own.

“Katniss, I…” he paused and swallowed, clearly working through something in his mind. “Thank you…for last night.”

She heard the sincerity in his tone and saw the emotion on his face.

"I'm serious," he insisted, "I...I've never..." He trailed off and finally settled on, "I just…really needed that."

"You're welcome," she said quietly, still too aware of the fact they were lying in bed together so intimately. Her skin was warm and flushed and it was a struggle to meet his blue eyes directly. When he reached out and linked their fingers together, she was able to take a deep breath and relax somewhat.

"Once you were here I slept like a baby," he admitted, making her smile.

"Glad I could help," she laughed.

"You do more than help, Katniss." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "When I'm with you I feel like...." he took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. "I feel like everything is going to be okay. Like I'm not a total fuck-up and I could actually be happy one day."

She sucked in a breath, but before she could respond, the incessant noise of his alarm clock went off, shattering the moment between them. He reached over her to his nightstand to turn it off.

"Crap, I have to get in the shower or I'm going to be late."

"Oh, that's okay," she assured him. "I should probably get up and get ready too. I have class later."

They sat up in bed together and there was a brief moment of awkwardness where she didn't know what to do or say. What do you say to your roommate after a night of cuddling following his awful nightmare?

Luckily she didn't have to worry about it any longer when Peeta pulled her against him for a hug. "Thanks," he repeated, before pressing a kiss to her temple and moving off the bed.

She sat there for a moment in a bit of a daze. Blatantly, she realized she felt selfish for letting him thank her, when it wasn't like last night had been much of a sacrifice for her. She had enjoyed sleeping in his bed so much it felt wrong that the whole reason she got there was because of how terrible his nightmares were.

Her stomach twisted with worry for a moment. But she was snapped from her thoughts by the sight of Peeta standing at his door, staring back at her intently.

"What?" she asked defensively.

"Nothing," he said, looking like he was fighting to keep from grinning. "Just...seeing you in my bed..." he trailed off, shaking his head ruefully as she blushed from head to toe.   
"Have a good day, Katniss." He left the room, closing the door behind him, and leaving her to imagine just what kinds of things Peeta thought about when it came to her in his bed. 

X

Katniss: Another one?

Peeta: Yah...

Katniss: Was it a bad one?

Peeta: Real bad

Katniss: I could...if you wanted me to...

Peeta: Only if you want to...

It was the following night and Peeta had yet again woken from a horrible nightmare. Unlike last night, however, he had texted Katniss almost right away. And now she found herself tiptoeing out of her room again, to join him in his bed. 

Her heart was beating frantically as she approached his bed. This felt very different from the previous night because he was expecting her and he was awake and aware. 

She sat on the edge of the bed as he scooted over and opened the sheets for her. She was glad it was dark and he couldn’t see the blush on her face or how nervous this made her. Although she couldn’t quite pinpoint what exactly it was that was making her nervous. She had just done this the night before after all.

But when she slid under the covers and Peeta’s body wrapped around her own, tugging her back flat against his chest, it became quite obvious. Her blood burned hot and she was painfully aware of every place where their skin met. When he buried his head in her hair and tightened his hold on her waist, she closed her eyes in pleasure.

This was dangerous.

This was just asking for trouble. She felt like she was ten times more attracted to him than she had been that very first night they ran into one another in the hallway. Now she knew him better; she knew all the things about him that made her like and admire him. She realized her feelings for him were really the basis of her attraction. Thinking he was good-looking had just been a jumping off point.

“You feel good,” Peeta whispered in her ear, and she wondered if he knew what he was doing to her. She reached down and placed her hand over his.

“Night, Peeta,” she said through a smile.

He chuckled in response. “Night, Katniss.”

He didn’t have any nightmares that night, and the following morning was less awkward since she knew he had asked for her in his bed, but there was still that lingering tension between them. There was that sweet, tempting intimacy of waking up together from a night of restful sleep in one another’s arms. 

That day she found herself daydreaming during class about how good it felt to sleep with him—just sleep with him—and wondered exactly how this was all going to work out. In the back of her mind there was that logical voice, reminding her that while there was chemistry between them, there was also a very legitimate reason as to why nothing could happen between them, why nothing should happen between them.

But when she thought of Peeta’s warm, strong body wrapped around her own under the covers in his bed, it was all too easy to push those thoughts away and just be in the moment. 

The next night she was up late doing homework. When she was finished, she brushed her teeth and got ready for bed. Crossing the hall from the bathroom to her bedroom she saw the light under Peeta’s door turn off.

She continued to her room and then contemplated her options. She didn’t think too much about it. If she had, she probably would have realized that she was starting something that was going to get very complicated. And she didn’t want to worry. She just wanted to be with Peeta.

She snuck over to his room without his prompting and without any indication that he had had a nightmare. He probably hadn’t even fallen asleep yet. 

Maybe falling asleep with her initially would prevent the nightmares from coming in the first place, she reasoned.

He didn’t say anything as she came to his bedside. She just barely caught the look on his face from the glow of the moon outside his partially opened window. There was so much heat and intensity in his gaze that she hesitated before lying down beside him.

“Come here,” he said, his voice husky.

She slid under the covers, but this time he pulled her to him so they were face to face. She rested her head against his chest as their legs tangled together. His hands rested on her lower back and she felt like they were scorching her skin even through the light t-shirt she wore.

Gradually, her heartbeat started to slow down and her breathing evened out. It felt so natural and right to be here with him. Before she knew it, her entire body was relaxed and sleep was pulling her under.

X

She awoke suddenly, her heart pounding and her body tense. It hadn’t been cries or yells that woke her, but it was the fact that the person sleeping beside her had startled awake, shaking and breathing hard.

“Peeta?” she questioned, still half-asleep.

“Katniss? Oh god, Katniss…” Peeta’s voice trembled and it was hearing this that instantly made her more alert. 

“What’s wrong?” She reached for him through the darkness.

She felt him take her face in his hands, and she gazed up at him as her eyes adjusted to the dark. She saw the fear and desperation in his face, and she also saw the longing and desire.

His mouth was on hers before she could process it. It took her a moment to return the kiss, but once she did she slipped her arms around his neck, dragging a hand through his hair and pulling him down towards her.

She had never been kissed like this. Ever. He commanded her mouth. He tasted her like it was the only thing he had ever wanted. He licked at her lips and sought entry into her mouth. When his tongue met hers, she felt a jolt of desire shoot down between her legs. 

She gasped as he moved a hand to her side, firmly wrapped around her ribs, just beneath her breast. 

He pushed his weight against her. He had one leg between the both of hers and they were flush from thighs to belly to chest. 

Her stomach made a swooping sensation as she realized she could feel how hard he was through his underwear. Her panties were wet with desire and one of her legs came up to wrap around his waist subconsciously.

The kiss settled into something less frenzied and more relaxed. They kissed slowly, as if they both realized they wanted to take their time and enjoy this. Eventually they were just gently pressing their lips against each other, taking their time between kisses so it felt like their lips were connected and no matter how many times they broke apart, they kept reconnecting to one another. 

Finally, they paused and she opened her eyes to look up at him. He was looking down at her with a soft smile, eyes heavy, and face almost in a dreamlike trance.

“If I had you in my bed every night I wouldn’t care about any nightmares.” He dipped his head to kiss her neck and she arched up into him. When he pulled away, she was flushed and breathing hard, wanting more of his lips and more of his touch. But he just rolled onto his back and pulled her against him so she was half lying on top of him, one of her legs slung over his waist. His hands dipped down to grab her behind and she gasped as he pulled her against him more firmly, her clit pressing into him just right and another surge of desire pooling between her legs.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” he whispered, moving his hands to stroke her back and cup her head. “Go back to sleep.”

As the silence dragged on and his breathing started to even out, she realized he had fallen back asleep. She took a deep breath and tried to work through the cloud of desire and lust he had left her in. Her head was lying flat against his chest and she tried to calm her racing heart and ignore the throbbing between her legs. 

The thoughts about what all this meant, what they had just done, what would happen next were starting to intrude, but she pushed them away and reached for sleep, eventually drifting off in his arms.

X

When she woke up she was alone. 

At first, she had a painful burning in her chest, embarrassed and angry that he had left her without a word. And then she saw a note on his pillow.

I had an early faculty meeting this morning. Thank you for last night. You mean more to me than you even know, Katniss. You look beautiful when you sleep. I’ll see you tonight. –Peeta

She bit her lip, trying to contain the silly smile she felt stretching across her lips.

All day she was distracted. Overwhelmed by a mixture of nerves and excitement, she kept replaying how good it felt to kiss him and thinking about what would happen that night.

She saw him for the first time that evening in their bathroom, both deciding to brush their teeth at the same time. She smiled at him shyly, feeling her face heat as she recalled their kissing the previous night. 

“Hey you.”

She felt his breath at her neck and realized he had moved to stand behind her, placing both hands on the counter to effectively lock her in place. 

When he kissed her neck she was putty in his hands. After they finished in the bathroom, he took her hand and led her right into his bedroom without a word. 

They slipped under the covers together and made out for a while, more alert and intense this time, since it wasn’t the middle of the night. She loved the feel of his body against hers and the hypnotizing effect of his mouth. They didn’t talk; they just let their actions do the speaking.

When they finally slipped off to sleep there were no nightmares, only peaceful rest for the both of them until morning.

X

“He said what?”

Annie was all smiles at the table in the student lounge. Katniss, Jo, Madge, and Annie had all met up for coffee between classes, and they were currently enjoying their free time with a bit of gossip. 

“Yeah, Peeta and I dragged him out of some bar, drunk off his ass a few weeks ago, and he said he thought you were The One,” Katniss confirmed with a grin at the sight of her friend flushing a deep pink in response.

“Oh my god,” Annie mumbled, covering her face in her hands. When she pulled her hands away, her smile was so big it looked like it was hurting her cheeks. 

“Wait…so you and Peeta, huh?”

Katniss could feel her face go hot, and she desperately tried to will her blush away, knowing that her friends would read her like a book.

“Oh Christ, you have it so bad, Brainless,” Jo quipped.

“Wait, is there something going on between you two?” Madge questioned, eyebrows pinched in confusion.

“What? No! Nothing. Nothing is going on between us,” Katniss rambled, trying and failing to appear nonchalant about it all.

“Oh, you’re lying!” Annie squealed with delight. “I can totally tell.”

“She has a huge fucking crush on him,” Jo insisted.

Katniss took a deep breath to compose herself and mentally reminded herself that her friends didn’t know that anything had happened, they were just assuming. They definitely couldn’t know that she and Peeta had shared a bed the last several nights and made out a handful of times already.

She could do this. If they just wanted to tease her about her feelings for him, she could handle that. They still didn’t know the reality of the situation. 

“Katniss, you like Peeta?” Madge asked, her jaw practically hanging open in shock.

Katniss shrugged a little helplessly, staring down at her coffee and half-eaten muffin. “I just…he’s really nice and we get along so well. It’s so easy for us to talk about anything and everything. I’ve never really had that before.”

“He’s also hot as shit,” Jo added for good measure.

“Has anything happened?” Annie questioned.

“No, of course not,” Katniss replied, and thankfully they believed her.

“Does Rye know?” Madge questioned, a look of wariness and disappointment on her face.

“No, umm…I don’t think so,” Katniss replied at length. “I don’t know. Sometimes he acts weird if Peeta and I are even just talking to each other.” She debated whether to share with them the conversation she had heard between the two brothers the other day, when Rye had voiced his suspicions. 

She saw the worry line still present between Madge’s eyebrows and added, “But honestly it’s not even about Rye liking me anymore. I just think it’s weird for him to even consider anything between me and Peeta because I was Rye’s friend first and he liked me first.”

“Well he needs to get over that shit, cause you already told him what the deal is,” Jo piped in diplomatically. “And that way you can proceed to get acquainted with his older brother’s cock.” 

“Shut up!” Katniss chastised her, swatting at her arm. 

“And what are you lovely ladies all worked up over?”

Gale Hawthorne pulled up a seat and invited himself to join their small table meant for four. Katniss had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. 

It wasn’t exactly that she didn’t like Gale, he was nice enough and a good study partner in class. But she just didn’t like how overly friendly he was. He seemed like the kind of dude who couldn’t take a hint. 

“We were just discussing the object of Katniss’ affection, actually,” Jo piped in helpfully with a sly grin.

Gale reached down to break himself off a piece of Katniss’ muffin. “Oh, is that so?” He looked intrigued by the topic of conversation, but a little wary too. “I didn’t know you had your eye on someone, Catnip,” he ribbed her playfully. She could tell he was trying to tease, but she could also see the genuine curiosity in his face. He tried playing it cool, but clearly this bit of information had him a little concerned.

“It’s nothing,” she tried to play it off. 

“That’s not what she told us!” Annie chirped in with a laugh.

“Really? Come on, who is it Catnip?”

“We can’t tell you for obvious reasons, silly,” Johanna teased him. Katniss shot daggers at her friend, who was smirking with glee, clearly knowing that she was fucking with Gale’s head and taking full pleasure from it.

“Hmm…I guess I’ll just have to try and figure it out myself then,” he replied, a pleased smile on his face. “See you in class, Catnip.” 

When he left, Katniss reached out and slugged Johanna in the arm.

“Ow, you bitch, that hurt,” Johanna complained with a pout, rubbing her arm.

“Good, you deserved it,” Katniss returned, finishing her coffee.

“So you really like Peeta?” Madge inquired earnestly. Of all her friends she seemed to be the one who was taking the longest to process this news.

Katniss shrugged self-consciously and averted her eyes. “I just feel connected to him. I care about him and I think he cares about me too.” She took a deep breath and looked up into Madge’s eyes, not knowing what to expect. “I didn’t set out to develop feelings for him, it kind of just happened.”

Surprisingly, her friend reacted the last way she ever expected her to. A slow, pleased smile crept across Madge’s face. “Good. You guys would be really cute together. And maybe that will help Rye finally get over you.”

The final thing was said without any hint of bitterness or anger, and Katniss released a breath in relief. “He doesn’t need to get over me,” she said pointedly, “he needs to get over himself.”

Madge laughed in agreement. “That he does.”

“So what’s going on with you and Rye?” Annie piped in questioning Madge.  
Madge started to explain how she and Rye had just been hanging out and talking a bit more since the night of their drunken hook-up. Katniss was glad to have the conversation move away from her and Peeta, and even more pleased that Madge seemed to be supportive of her feelings for him. In fact, it had felt good to share and open up to her girlfriends just how much Peeta meant to her, even if she couldn’t tell them about the fact that they had already hooked up.

She let her thoughts start to wander and quickly found herself recalling memories of his lips on hers in the darkness of his bedroom.

And when Johanna had to snap her fingers in front of Katniss’ face to try and get her attention moments later, she couldn’t help her blush or the silly smile when they all teased her about who she might have been daydreaming about.

X

She was living in a dream world.

She and Peeta had been fooling themselves into believing that what happened under the covers of his bed at night could just stay there, between them, like a shared secret, and never have any repercussions outside that specific time and place.

It was a good fantasy while it lasted.

They had only made out a handful of times since that first kiss and had mostly done just that since—kiss, and nothing else.

But tonight was different. Tonight there was a desperate edge between the two of them as they explored each other’s mouths. They wanted more. They wanted to taste and feel and have more, more, more.

He dipped his head to her neck, sucking at the skin and breathing hard against her.

“Can I touch you?” he asked, sneaking his hand under her shirt and resting it just below her breast.

The leg she had wrapped around his waist tightened in response and she moaned her permission to his request. When he touched her, she gasped at the immediate and electric spark between her legs. He kneaded her breast gently and deliberately, watching her face twist in pleasure in response.

“You’re so beautiful.”

She pulled him down for another kiss, lost in his taste and overcome with desire. She cared about him so much. She couldn’t believe how good it felt to be with him like this. She wanted more—

A noise outside in the hallway startled them both.

Peeta pulled his hand away from her breast and they both froze, hardly daring to breathe as they listened to what could have caused the sound.

“Peeta! Katniss! I’m using your shower! There’s mold in mine and I’ve been too lazy to clean it.”

Rye was drunk. It was well past midnight on a weeknight and he must have just gotten home from a party. The sound of his voice breaking through to their private moment was the equivalent of a glass of cold water being poured over the both of them. 

The waited for a few more minutes with bated breath, fearing the worst. When they heard nothing other than the sound of the shower going across the hall, they finally relaxed some, but Katniss could still feel the tension and discomfort in Peeta’s body.

“Fuck,” he swore, dropping his head to her shoulder. She didn’t like the sound of that. Her stomach tightened in fear. She swallowed hard and tried to play it cool.

But of course, because she was still in a daze of lust and desire from having him in her arms and kissing and touching her the way he had been, she ended up saying the worst possible thing she could have at the moment.

“When are you going to tell him about us?”

The silence that followed went on for too long. She hated it. She hated how with every passing second she knew what was coming, but she was powerless to stop it.

So instead, she steeled herself and worked hard not to let her emotions overcome her when he spoke next, pulling away from her before he did so.

“I’m so sorry, Katniss. We can’t do this anymore.”


	7. Chapter 7

Don’t cry.

It was her first thought when Peeta told her they couldn’t keep doing this. She bit her tongue hard, so the pain would keep the tears away, and tried to keep her bottom lip from quivering.

Peeta rolled off of her to his side. He ran a hand over his face and sighed.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You know how much I care about you, how much I want you. But we just…can’t.”

“It’s fine.” She forced the words out, trying to act tough. She wanted to assure him she was okay, because he did look upset, but she also wanted him to stop talking about his feelings for her. He thought that he was consoling her by talking about how much he cared for her, when really he was just making it more painful to accept that it had to end.

But her voice shook and she couldn’t meet his eyes, and he could read her like a book.

“It’s not fine!” Peeta protested angrily. “God, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve a guy who will just take advantage of your kindness and sleep next to you and kiss you and then push you away.” 

She softened a bit, realizing this was hard for him too.

“It’s okay, I get it,” she tried again, reaching out for his hand.

He took it, interlacing their fingers together. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “You’re the only thing in my life right now that makes me happy, that makes me feel good.” He laughed bitterly. “I refuse to keep you a secret though. You are way too good for me. You are way too good for a guy who will kiss you at night in his bed, but not tell the whole god damn world that you’re his.” 

She saw the anger and self-loathing on his face and forgot about her earlier distress. Of course it hurt her for him to pull away, but she knew this situation was more complicated than it seemed. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted to.

“And it’s not really about Rye,” he added quietly after a moment, “not in the way you might think.” They both tensed at his brother’s name; his presence across the hall in the bathroom could still be felt by the sound of the shower running. “I feel strongly enough about you that if things were different, I would just go to him man-to-man and talk to him.” He looked up at her with an almost smirk that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’d tell him I’m sorry, but things between us just happened. And that he needs to get over his little crush, because you’re mine.” 

She half-smiled at that, imagining that conversation between the brothers. She knew that Peeta—and Rye—were both good enough men, and brothers to each other, that they could eventually work things out between them, and not let a girl ruin their relationship.

“But right now I just can’t do that.” Peeta shook his head dejectedly. “I can’t add that to the pile of things between him and me. I can’t give him another reason to be pissed off; he’s already angry enough with me as it is. And I refuse to go behind his back or treat you like a dirty secret.” 

Any lingering anger towards him for stopping things between them vanished. She knew that when Peeta mentioned things being strained between him and Rye that could only mean one thing. Without even having the slightest indication of what lay in Peeta’s past, she was really starting to hate and resent his mother. Whatever she had done not only continued to haunt Peeta to this day, but it was damaging his relationship with his brother years later.

“Peeta, really, it’s okay. I understand.” She offered him a sincere smile, squeezing his hand. “I’m not happy about it, but I get it.” 

“Trust me,” he said ruefully, “if anyone is agonizing over not being able to kiss you or hold you in my arms anymore, it’s me.”

“So we just…” she took a deep breath, as if to set her resolve, “we just go back to being friends.”

She realized how ridiculous that sounded the second it left her mouth. They were lying in his bed, close enough to feel each other’s breaths, with a few precious items of clothing covering their bare bodies. 

He laughed quietly, clearing finding no humor in the situation. “Yeah, I guess we’ll have to.” He reached out and pushed her hair away from her face. They locked eyes and he leaned in to kiss her for one final time, a soft peck on the mouth.

She felt the desire for him all around her as he pulled away, taunting her with the reminder of what she couldn’t have. Right now the thought of being his friend and nothing else seemed impossible.

He must have read her mind because he closed his eyes and shook his head.

“This is going to suck.” 

X

Sleeping in her own bed again was awful.

Not having his warm body and hot mouth to make her nights better was hard to re-adjust to. The fact that she now knew what it was like to kiss Peeta and feel connected to him in a physical way made her longing for him even more acute. Before, she could only pine for him from afar, imagining what things could be like between them. Now she not only knew what she was missing, but she couldn’t even direct her anger and frustration towards Peeta.

She understood why he was doing what he was. She completely respected the difficulty of the situation he was in. But hating his mother, a woman Katniss knew nothing about, for crimes against her son—sons?—that she could only imagine, wasn’t very satisfying in and of itself.

The first week or so was painfully awkward. She and Peeta were hesitant and unsure around each other. They didn’t talk much, and when they did, there was that unspoken tension of what was hanging over them. 

They tiptoed around each other in the bathroom they shared, and the quiet politeness of their interactions infuriated her. She felt like not only had she lost Peeta in a physically intimate way, but she had lost him as her friend too.

And of course, because of course, Rye had just begun heating things up with Madge around the same time. He started bringing her over to the apartment more and more, looking mightily pleased with himself all the time.

Currently, Rye and Madge were sitting together on the couch in the living room, his arm thrown over her shoulder while they had an intimate conversation meant for only their ears. Katniss and Peeta were on opposite sides of the room, sitting alone in their oversized chairs, pretending to watch the movie on the TV screen.

“You know you have your own room for a reason,” Peeta grumbled moodily, not even looking over at his brother, whose hand had found its way to Madge’s thigh. 

“You know you’re right, big bro,” Rye replied, keeping his eyes locked on Madge. “Maybe we’ll go take advantage of that right now.”

“No, please, stay,” Katniss mumbled sarcastically. “We want to watch you guys suck face the rest of the night.”

Peeta laughed loudly, and when she looked across the room and locked eyes with him, there was a moment of longing between them that made a couple seconds feel like forever. She missed him. She missed his lips, but she missed talking to him and the sound of his laughter just as much.

“You know, I think we have you to thank, Katniss,” Rye interrupted her thoughts. “If you hadn’t suggested being my wingman that one night and then promptly bailed on me, maybe Madge and I would have never hooked up.”

“I think we also have alcohol to thank,” Madge piped in, making Rye laugh. When he leaned in to kiss her playfully on the nose, Katniss felt a tug in her heart to be able to have that kind of easy, open playfulness with the person she cared about. She realized then and there that Rye really didn’t know how good he had it. She didn’t think he knew what a good brother Peeta was to him, how much he had, and continued to sacrifice for him.

She wouldn’t be surprised if she were to learn that he was just as ignorant to most, if not all, of whatever their mother had done to Peeta and the pain of their family’s past as she was.

“I think I should return the favor,” Rye said, his arm still wrapped around Madge’s shoulder. “I’ll be your wingman for a night, see if I can work my magic.” 

“Uh, thanks for the offer, but I’m fine.” Katniss replied, her heart picking up its pace and her face flushing when she realized she could feel Peeta’s eyes on her from across the room.

“Oh, come on!” Rye protested. “Madge told me Gale Hawthorne basically hits on you every day. I wouldn’t even have to do any work.” 

Katniss looked at her friend, who winced and shrugged in apology. Clearly, Madge must have told Rye that little bit of information before Katniss had admitted her feelings for Peeta to her. Madge looked quickly between Peeta and Katniss and then stared at her hands in her lap.

Katniss was afraid to look over in Peeta’s direction. She wasn’t sure what would be harder to handle: his anger or his indifference.

“I don’t like him,” Katniss managed to croak out, not meeting Rye’s eyes.

Rye shrugged and grabbed Madge’s hand, pulling her off the couch. “Alright, don’t say I didn’t try Everdeen.” He tugged Madge along until the pair of them disappeared behind his closed bedroom door. 

“You want something to drink?” Peeta asked, breaking the awkward silence that followed. He stood up and made his way into the kitchen, and Katniss got up to follow him.

“Um, sure, water would be good, thanks.”

She stepped into kitchen, and while he opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of water, she lifted herself up to sit on the counter across from him.

“Thanks.” She smiled at him when he handed her the cold drink.

More silence followed and Katniss hated that even though he was just a couple of feet away from her, it felt like there was a huge, gaping chasm that separated them. She took a deep breath and fought to bridge the divide. 

“How are you sleeping?”

He shrugged. “A lot of the same. Sometimes I’m okay, and other nights are rough.”

She nodded her head in understanding. “You can still text me you know.”

He shot her a sad smile. “Yeah, I know…”

Their quiet moment was interrupted by the not-so-quiet moans and grunts coming from Rye’s room. Katniss’ eyes widened at the very distinct sounds of a headboard hitting a wall and girlish whimpers that made her blush.

Peeta cleared his throat awkwardly and they just stood like that for a moment, neither one making eye contact or knowing what to do. 

“I should—”

“I’m just going to—”

They spoke at the same time, moving across the kitchen and towards the hallway to try and make their escape, until they nearly ran into each other. They were standing inches apart, her eyes level with his chest. His hand had somehow found its way to her hip, the spot on her body it was always drawn to. They were both breathing hard, not saying anything, but each painfully aware of one another’s presence.

The growing enthusiastic sounds from Rye’s bedroom were not helping matters.

“Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!”

“Harder!” 

Katniss swallowed, desire pooling between her legs, as she stood right in front of the man she wanted more than anything. She reached out and placed a hand flat on Peeta’s chest as if to steady herself. She ran it over the strong muscles of his chest and took a deep breath.

She closed her eyes and reminded herself of the very legitimate reasons why nothing could happen between them, no matter how badly they both wanted it.

“I, um…I, uh…I’ll be in my room.” She turned and walked back to her room on shaky legs.

She locked her door, turned off the lights, and got into bed. She couldn’t ignore it no matter how hard she tried. She closed her eyes and dipped her hand into her panties to find relief. She bit her lip hard as she came, trying to keep from calling out Peeta’s name, but it fell from her lips in a hushed whisper anyways.

X

A week or so later, she and Rye were in the living room, eating dinner and watching TV. Since her nights in Peeta’s bed sharing kisses had come to an end, one positive thing was that her relationship with Rye finally seemed to be in a good place. He was clearly very happy and smitten with Madge, and it was blatantly obvious he was more than over his little crush on Katniss.

She especially liked how shy and ‘aw shucks’ he got when she asked him about Madge.

“So are you guys official yet?”

“We’re taking it slow,” he said diplomatically, taking a bite of his pizza and flipping through the channels.

“But are you guys exclusive?”

“Um, I don’t know. I think so?” he replied a little warily, suddenly frowning in contemplation. “Why? Do you think she’s seeing anyone else?”

Katniss shrugged. “Who knows? But if you haven’t talked about it, she would have every right to.” Actually, she knew for a fact Madge wasn’t seeing anyone else. She wouldn’t shut up about Rye, so Katniss figured Madge wouldn’t mind Katniss giving him that extra motivation to take things to the next level between them.

“Fuck, I hope not. I should go call her.”

Rye was about to get up from his chair when their front door burst open and Peeta stormed into their living room with the intensity of a hurricane, slamming the door shut behind him. His eyes were wild and burning and for a second she was scared of him; she had never seen him look so intense. He looked angry and crazed and ready to lose it.

He stormed over towards Rye, who was halfway between standing and sitting in his chair and shoved him back down. Rye looked up at him totally bewildered, mouth hanging open in confusion.

“Did you call her?”

“What?”

“Did you fucking call her?” Peeta practically screamed. Katniss flinched. She was frozen in her seat, not wanting to watch this scene unfold, but helpless to do anything but sit still and quiet until they were done.

Apparently Rye didn’t need any clearing up over whom Peeta was referring to. Clearly there could only be one person who could get his older brother so worked up.

“And how would I have fucking called her when I don’t know her number?” Rye shouted back. 

“Then why the fuck did I just see her? Why is she in town then?” Peeta was at a breaking point. He was hysterical, and it took everything in Katniss not to get up and try and calm him down. She wanted to console him, but she knew he couldn’t handle that right now.

“What are you talking about?” Rye questioned, clearly confused.

“I just saw her at the gas station convenience store when I was filling up my tank.” Peeta seemed to take his first deep breath since he stormed inside. The anger and fight started to slowly leak out of him. “Why is she here? How did she found out where we are?” He said the last part with such pain and fear in his voice that it nearly choked Katniss. She could see how Rye also picked up on Peeta’s despair, his features softening from anger to concern towards his brother. 

“I don’t know, man, but I swear I haven’t called her. I have no way of getting in contact with her anyways.” He paused for a moment, like he wanted to say something else but decided against it. “It could have just been a coincidence.”

Peeta ran his hand over his face, shaking his head as he moved towards the couch. He sat down, resting his head in his hands, clearly still shaken up.

Katniss still had no clue what to do or say. She felt like such an intruder on this obviously difficult moment for the two of them. 

Rye cleared his throat and she could tell he was working up the nerve to say something. “Did…did she see you?”

Peeta stood up from the couch and faced his brother, showing Katniss his back. He still hadn’t acknowledged her since he walked in. “No…she didn’t. Come with me. We need to talk.”

And with that, he walked past Rye and headed towards his room. Rye shot her a quick glance before turning to follow his brother. When she heard the door to Peeta’s bedroom close, she exhaled, releasing all the tension she had been holding in her body since Peeta had walked in.

She took the fact that there was no screaming coming from Peeta’s room as a good sign and tried not to worry about it as much for the rest of the night. She had already retired to her room by the time she heard the sound of Rye leaving Peeta’s room, and the apartment was quiet for the rest of the night.

Still, she couldn’t help the worry and fear that continued to gnaw at her for the next couple of days. It was scary to see how badly Peeta had reacted from just seeing his mother. Every time she saw how much damage she had inflicted on him she became more and more terrified to find out what had happened in his past.

And at the same time, part of her desperately wanted to know. She wanted to help him, console him, soothe him. She realized that maybe she was like those other girls who wanted to fix him, but she didn’t want to do it for herself. She didn’t want to turn him into some more perfect version of himself that she would rather have. She would take him any way she could get him. She wanted to help him because she wanted him to be happier and more at peace. 

But she knew she couldn’t push him, not about this. She would be there when and if he needed her, but she wouldn’t try to force him on this.

She knew that would make things worse before they made them better.

X

It wasn’t often she got to be alone in the apartment, but Peeta wouldn’t be home for another few hours and she knew Rye would have class for the rest of the day and then probably head over to Madge’s place. 

Usually she didn’t miss living on campus, or not having a girl as a roommate. But she did occasionally miss being able to walk around in her underwear, or turning up really bad pop music as loud as she wanted to and dance around.

One early weekday afternoon she happened to be doing exactly that in her room following her shower. Her hair was still wet and she had only put on her bra and cute, pink cotton panties. She was trying to brighten up her mood. Lately, when she wasn’t distracted by school, she was sulking. She was either worrying about Peeta or pining after him. Neither one put her in a very good mood.

She turned on some classics—Britney, ‘N Sync, the Spice Girls—and started unabashedly singing and dancing along. She figured she should clean up a bit, make her bed, and put things away. She got so caught up in the music and the mindless task of cleaning and organizing that she nearly screamed when she turned around and found someone standing in her doorway.

And not just anyone.

Peeta.

He was standing there looking at her so intently that her immediate reaction was to cover herself. Slowly, the realization that Peeta was staring at her in just her bra and panties set in and her face flamed. And not to mention he had caught her belting out “Spice World” at the top of her lungs. She was ready to die from embarrassment. She darted over to her iPod and pressed pause. 

“What are you doing?” she questioned, since he still hadn’t said anything. 

She nearly told him to get out of her room, but the look on his face made her lower belly clench in desire. Instead he took a step toward her and shut her door behind him. 

“I knocked…you didn’t hear…” he mumbled. He was looking her up and down without shame, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest in a defensive gesture.

“What do you want?”

He laughed. “I have no fucking clue. The second I saw you I completely forgot whatever it was I was going to say. God, Katniss….you’re…” He sighed and shook his head. “This has got to be some form of torture, not being able to have you. I mean, look at you!” He gestured to her with his hand, shaking his head in disbelief.

She stuttered, caught off guard. “I’m not…I know I don’t look—”

He took a step towards her and cut her off before she could continue. He was standing close, too close. Her breath caught when she felt his hand reach up and rest on her bare hip—always her hip.

“You’re gorgeous. And I have never wanted anyone the way I want you.”

She could suddenly feel a lump in her throat and stinging behind her eyes. “It makes it too hard if you say stuff like that,” she whispered, forcing herself to take a step back, his hand dropping away.

“I know,” he conceded.

She hated being upset; she would rather be angry. So that was what she did. She got mad.

“Do you?” she snapped. “Don’t make this harder than it already is, Peeta.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, having the decency to look sheepish.

“You know, I’m not going to pretend like it’s not hurtful that you won’t talk to me about certain things,” she began carefully. “I realize you have your reasons and it must be incredibly difficult for you, but things will never change, I’ll never be able to help you, if you don’t tell me about it first.”

He was silent, and she saw that he wasn’t gazing at her body anymore; he was staring at the floor.

“And if not me, then at least your brother. If you talked to him about things…” she trailed off and his head snapped up, knowing she was referring to his mother and the other day.

“I’ve told him what he needs to know,” Peeta replied stubbornly, a hard look in his eyes.

“But if you guys really discussed things, then maybe it could be different…for us.” She could hear the hopeful tone of her voice and she cringed at how desperate she sounded, but she couldn’t help it.

“I want more than anything for things to be different so there could be an us,” Peeta replied calmly, his tone even. “But it can’t be. He would never understand. I could never make him understand and I won’t put him through it. He’s better off resenting me and not knowing.”

He stepped away and met her eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come in here.”

He turned to leave, but before he could go, she reached and grabbed his arm, tugging him back to her. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her barely clothed body against his own.

She looked him straight in the eyes, her hands coming up to cradle his head and to slip through the ends of his hair.

“Kiss me,” she demanded.

His jaw tightened, but he didn’t move, and that made her even madder.

She pushed up against him everywhere: her breasts to his chest, her hips to his hips. She could feel him, hard from wanting her. 

She pulled his head down to her and kissed him hard. It was not a gentle kiss. It was nothing like their sweet, slow explorations they had shared at night in his bed. It was rough and demanding and the place between her legs was wet and throbbing in response. His hands dipped down to grab her ass and she moaned, pulling him even tighter against her.

She wanted him to want her. She wanted him to want to do anything to be with her. She wanted him to lower his guard for once and to let her in. She had told him not to make things harder, but here she was kissing him, because she was feeling reckless and desperate, and she knew she would regret it eventually. 

She ran her hands through his hair, opening her mouth under his. He had so much power over her; she would bare herself to him without a second thought, both physically and emotionally. All she wanted was some reciprocation in return, but he wouldn’t budge. 

He pulled away from her and took a step back, not meeting her eyes. Her stomach dropped and she felt cold all over. He started to speak, and she stopped him before he could say anything.

“I don’t want to hear it. Just go. Please.”

There was a long agonizing moment of silence as she turned her back on him, but she could still feel his presence in her room. Finally, when she heard the sound of her door close, she collapsed on her bed and closed her eyes.

She felt sick and angry and disappointed. For a brief moment there she had actually gotten her hopes up that he wanted her more than he wanted to keep hiding things. At the same time, she hated feeling selfish, hated feeling that whatever it was, Peeta should just tell Rye and force him to suck it up. She hated it, because ultimately she really had no clue what it was Peeta was keeping from his younger brother. And it scared her to think of something so horrific in Peeta’s past that he would go to any length to protect his brother from it.


	8. Chapter 8

Katniss was getting used to Peeta and Rye fighting.

Since Peeta had put a stop to their sleepovers and make-out sessions, he seemed to be angry and on edge more often. Whereas Rye had officially started dating Madge and was getting laid on a consistent basis, so he seemed to constantly be in a good mood. 

Their two attitudes seemed to clash, given the fact they already had so much anger and tension between them because of the issues with their mother.

Katniss woke up one particular Friday morning to the sounds of their angry shouting coming from the living room. 

“Keep your voice down, Katniss is still sleeping!”

Peeta’s harsh whisper reached her and it was the sound of her name that brought her out of her half-asleep haze. She tiptoed across the room to her door and listened to their conversation.

“I’m not going to keep my voice down, because I’m fucking tired of you always telling me what to do, goddamn it!”

Rye was livid. Katniss wasn’t sure she had ever heard him this pissed off.

“You’re acting like a kid!” Peeta yelled back at him. 

“Fuck you,” Rye snapped. “All you do is keep me in the dark about things and try and control me and treat me like a fucking baby.”

“Well you’re really making your case for how mature you are right now.”

“Oh, what a surprise, you’re avoiding the point and condescending me,” Rye scoffed bitterly. “Why don’t you be a fucking man and answer the question I asked you in the first place?”

There was a long moment of silence where neither of them spoke, and Katniss held her breath, desperately waiting to hear what was said next.

Finally, Peeta spoke. “I’m not telling you anything.”

There was a huge crash, the sound of something heavy hitting a wall, and Katniss flinched. She jumped to her feet, debating whether to go out there and check what happened, but Rye spoke before she could.

“Fine. Don’t fucking tell me. But don’t be so sure that I’m just going to keep blindly listening to you telling me that we can’t have any contact with her. If you don’t trust me enough to tell me, then I don’t need to trust your word about this.”

“Rye, goddamn it!” Peeta yelled, but she could hear Rye’s footsteps already heading towards his room. There was the sound of a door slamming shut and then complete silence.

Leaning against her door and trying to fight off the worry and anxiety she felt from overhearing that fight, Katniss exhaled a huge breath.

It seemed both Peeta and Rye were reaching a breaking point when it came to fighting over their mother. She wasn’t sure how much longer they could keep this up without one of them really snapping.

She got back in bed, closed her eyes, and prayed they could work this out before it reached that point.

X

Later that day, Katniss became forever grateful for Finnick Odair and what a good friend he was to Peeta.

Rye and Peeta weren’t speaking apparently, as fallout from their fight earlier, and things between her and Peeta had still been as awkward as ever since she had kissed him in her room and then told him to leave, a few days prior. 

There was a knock on the door and when she got up to answer it, she was surprised to find Finnick Odair standing at their doorstep, smiling that charming grin of his.

“Hello, Katniss, nice to see you again. Peeta here by chance?”

“Uh yeah.” She opened the door to let him in and he breezed into their apartment, clapping his hands together.

Peeta looked put out when he saw him, and it didn’t take long to realize why.

“Well, if it isn’t the birthday boy himself!” Finnick exclaimed.

“It’s your birthday?” Katniss gasped, looking at him in horror at the idea that he had kept that from her all day.

“It’s tomorrow,” Peeta grumbled, like it was the worst news possible. 

“Right you are,” Finnick laughed. “And I knew you would try and pull your ‘I don’t want to do anything’ crap, like you do every year, so I’ve come early to warn you that that won’t be happening.”

Peeta groaned and dropped his head to the table. “Finnick…” he warned his friend. 

Finnick looked too pleased with himself. “Sorry, buddy, it’s already done. Everyone already knows about it. Tomorrow night: fancy club downtown, bottle service—it’s happening.”

“Sounds great,” Rye piped in, looking at Finnick rather than his brother. “Can’t wait.”

Katniss saw Peeta shoot his brother a death glare, but Rye didn’t even glance his way. He had his feet up on the coffee table and was surfing the channels on TV. “I need an excuse to get fucking hammered,” Rye mumbled. 

“Awesome,” Finnick laughed, either oblivious to or choosing not to comment on the tension in the room between the two brothers. “A couple of us will be over here tomorrow for a pre-party,” he announced, coming over to where Peeta was sitting, and placing his hands on his friends shoulders with a devilish smirk.

“This is the last thing I want to do,” Peeta groaned, closing his eyes and dropping his head back. He actually looked almost like he was in agony and Katniss was torn between wanting to celebrate his birthday and not wanting to push him.

Luckily she wasn’t the one doing the pushing, so she didn’t have to make that decision. 

“Ah, come on,” Finnick goaded him, coming around to sit beside him at the table, stealing a sip of his drink. “It won’t kill you. We all haven’t been out together in a while. And you’re turning 26, buddy! You’re on that downhill path towards 30, we got to live it up while we still can.”

Finnick was teasing, but Katniss could tell this was all coming from a good place. He cared about Peeta, and he probably knew him well enough to know that if he didn’t do anything, Peeta’s birthday would go by without any fanfare or celebration. She thought back to that night when she and Peeta had brought him Finnick home from that bar when he was drunk off his ass. He obviously had some knowledge about the issues between Peeta and Rye, as well as whatever the deal was with their mother.

Suddenly she wanted to hug him because she was so glad there was someone looking out for Peeta, someone who cared about him as much as she did.

“Well, I’m excited,” she spoke up for the first time since Finnick mentioned the party. “It’ll be fun!”

Peeta’s eyes darted to her across the room, and she felt the weight of his stare like a touch. She forced herself to hold his gaze and she felt that connection between them as strong as ever. It was strange to look into his blue eyes and not look away, after the awkwardness of the past few days. There was so much between them and she wished that things could be easier, that she could get up and move across the room to kiss him. That she could sit in his lap and wish him a happy early birthday. 

But that wasn’t in the cards for the two of them.

She offered him a weak smile and he looked away sadly.

“Tomorrow night is a go then!” Finnick exclaimed proudly.

X

Katniss felt ridiculous.

She was hiding in her own room.

“Hurry up, Katniss!” Madge exclaimed, banging on her door for the fifth time in the last 20 minutes.

The pre-party at their apartment was in full swing. The music was going and about twelve people were crammed into their small living room, chatting and drinking before they all headed out to the club. 

She hadn’t seen Peeta all day. He was out doing who knows what, and so she had to settle for texting him a ‘happy birthday,’ which he responded to with a simple ‘thanks’. 

She glanced in the mirror again, surveying her outfit. It was a simple black dress, which she wore with a pair of red heels. It was a little short and tight, but it didn’t show any cleavage—it was proper clubbing attire, so she couldn’t figure out why she kept looking herself over and fidgeting anxiously about going out to join everybody else. 

Yes you do, a little voice taunted her. 

She was wondering what Peeta would think of how she looked. She was constantly in sweats or pajamas around the apartment. The nicest he had probably seen her dress was in jeans and a t-shirt. She shook her head, feeling stupid and ridiculous. She had to stop thinking about Peeta; she needed to stop caring what he thought about her. He had his own issues to deal with at the moment and that didn’t include time to worry about whatever there was between the two of them. They were friends, and barely that as of late, with the awkwardness and tension of their last conversation. 

She took a deep breath and pulled open her door for Madge.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming,” she said, reaching for her clutch as her friend handed her a red plastic cup.

“Drink bitch,” Madge commanded her.

She chugged the sweet mixed drink and followed Madge out into the living room. She recognized mostly everyone: Finnick and Annie, Johanna, Rye, and Thresh, who Peeta went to college with. She guessed the two other guys were teachers from Peeta’s school. 

When she walked in the room, her heart skipped at the sight of Peeta in a white button-up shirt with the top two buttons undone and black slacks. His eyes found hers almost immediately and she held her breath as he looked her up and down. He didn’t even try to be subtle. His eyes lingered on her for a long time and she could feel the flush crawl up her neck.

She took a deep breath and decided she wasn’t going to shrink away from him.

She walked over to him, smiled, gave him a hug, and whispered ‘happy birthday’ in his ear. When he let her go, his hand lingered on her hip and he gave her a genuine smile as he thanked her.

“You look beautiful tonight,” he said earnestly.

“Thanks,” she smiled back at him, as he introduced her to his friends he was talking to that she had not met yet. 

Finnick shouted over the noise of people talking in the room a little while later, announcing that the cabs were ready and waiting to take them to the club. People started putting their drinks down and getting ready to leave, when another voice spoke up over the conversation of the group.

“Wait, I got to make a toast!” Rye was already drunk. Madge was trying to stop him from climbing up on the coffee table, but he shrugged her off. “Happy Birthday to my big brother,” he exclaimed. “Isn’t he just the greatest?”

Katniss held her breath, glancing over at Peeta, who was watching Rye stone-faced, his eyes flaring and his jaw tense.

“I’m so lucky to have him. What the fuck would I do without him telling me what to do all the time?”

Katniss cringed just as Finnick yanked Rye off the coffee table.

“Alright, that’s a great toast, you little shit,” Finnick chided him. “Come on everybody, cabs are waiting.”

They took two separate cabs to the club and luckily Rye and Peeta weren’t in the same one. Katniss was in a cab with Finnick, Annie, Peeta, and Thresh and she could still feel the tension rolling off Peeta in waves. She hated seeing him this upset, hated seeing him fighting with Rye like this. It made her sick to her stomach seeing all the anger and resentment between the two of them. Especially since she knew that the only person who should be at fault here was their mother. 

She took a deep breath and reached out to touch his arm. He seemed to relax a little as he looked over at her.

“You okay?” she asked softly, wishing she could do more to comfort him. 

He shrugged.

“I'll let you buy me a drink for your birthday, if that will cheer you up,” she teased, and grinned when he chuckled in response.

When they got there, the club was packed and the music was loud. She lost Peeta in the crowd as his friends dragged him away, so she stayed closed to Finnick and Annie. Everything about the atmosphere filled her with this thrumming energy that left her anxious. She wanted to dance and she wanted another drink. She realized there was a reason she didn’t go to clubs that often when she moved towards the bar to try and get a drink, and found it packed.

She was trying to push forward to get a bartender’s attention when she felt a warm hand on her back.

“Hey Catnip, can I buy you a drink?” 

She mentally cringed, turning around to offer Gale a weak smile.

“Hey there, yah if you can manage it,” she laughed, gesturing at the crowded bar.

He smiled down at her. “What are you drinking?”

Great, maybe she should have told him she was fine.

Gale wasted no time muscling his way to the front to get her drink. She realized too late that this probably meant she was going to be forced to actually talk and spend time with him now, when all she really wanted to do was find Peeta.

“Thank you,” she said, as he returned with the drink in hand.

She took a generous sip and tried not to notice how he blatantly looked her up and down.

“You clean up nice,” he laughed. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in anything but flip flops,” he added, gesturing to her heels. 

She had to fight not to roll her eyes. Did he think he was complimenting her by pointing out that she rarely dressed up? She laughed weakly and scanned the club, searching for Peeta. 

“So uh, I’m actually glad I ran into you,” Gale said, putting his hand on her arm and directing her towards a more secluded corner of the club, away from the bar. She swallowed hard and considered how the hell she could get out of this situation. She wasn’t in the mood for Gale hitting on her. She wanted Peeta. She was still worried about how he was doing with everything with Rye and it was his birthday after all—she should be spending time with him. 

“What’s up?” she asked, trying to be casual. She avoided eye contact and kept glancing around the club, hoping she was giving off enough uninterested vibes that Gale would back off.

“Come on, like you don’t know?”

She turned to look at him, frowning in confusion. He took a step closer and she held her breath. 

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he breathed, and her chest tightened uncomfortably. She looked away from him, desperately wanting to escape.

“I should get back to my friends,” she said, attempting to step around him. He grabbed her hand to stop her and tried to pull her closer. 

“Let me take you out,” he implored her, reaching up to trace her bottom lip with his thumb. She pulled away like she had been burned, snatching her hand back. 

“Give a guy a chance,” he laughed weakly.

“I…”

“Katniss!”

Her head jerked up at the sound of Peeta’s voice. She felt overcome with relief when she saw him approaching. He looked like he was ready to murder Gale, stepping between the two of them and putting his arm around her waist.

“Are you okay?” He looked her up and down and then glared at Gale, challenging him to do or say something.

Gale looked annoyed and pissed off, glaring right back at Peeta, not intimidated.

“Yeah, I was just looking for you,” she told Peeta, giving him a grateful smile.

“We were talking actually,” Gale spoke up, obviously not taking too kindly to being cast aside. 

Peeta barely glanced back at him. “Yah, you were,” he agreed, looking back at Katniss. She held her breath as he gazed down at her, his eyes focusing on her lips. He leaned down and kissed her very softly on the mouth. She melted against him, everything inside her falling to pieces from that simple kiss. 

She wanted him so much it drove her crazy.

“Come on,” he said, after he pulled back, taking her hand and leading her away. 

She couldn’t even work up the nerve to look at Gale. She followed Peeta without hesitation, dropping her drink off at a nearby table on the way. 

He led her to the center of the completely packed dance floor and pulled her against him. His hands found purchase on her hips as he started moving with her to the beat of the music. She snaked her arms around his neck and closed her eyes. The alcohol was coursing through her system and she could still taste him on her lips from that kiss.

She wasn’t going to overthink this; she was just going to enjoy being with him. She had missed this; she had missed him in her life. She wanted him and if they just got fleeting moments here and there where they gave in to each other for a few moments—she would take that.

His thigh pressed between her legs as he pulled her hips flush against his own so her clit was rubbing against him and she could feel how hard he was. She grinded down against his thigh and trembled at the pleasure that surged through her. She buried her head against his chest and moaned.

“Katniss…” he gasped, pushing against her with insistent rolls of his hips. She was wet and aching at the feel of how hard he was for her.

She lifted her head to look up into his eyes.

He stared down at her adoringly. He lifted his hand to cup her jaw, looking at her like he would be happy to do so for the rest of his life.

“I want you…” she found herself saying, biting her bottom lip and looking up at him with hooded eyes. She had never wanted someone they way she wanted Peeta. 

She saw his breathing get heavier and his eyes drift down to her lips. He licked his own lips and dropped his hand down to her behind, squeezing her intimately.

He dipped his head down to kiss her neck and whispered in her ear. “I think about you every night. I get myself off to thoughts of how good you felt sleeping in my arms, imagining what it would be like to be inside you.” 

Her eyes rolled back in her head as he started licking and sucking at the sensitive skin of her throat. She dragged her hands through his hair and pulled his head away so he was forced to look at her.

Their faces were inches apart, both of them breathing heavy. Their hips were still moving in tandem to the beat, pressing into each other with desperate urgency.

“I want to,” she told him, her voice steady. She implored him to understand with a widening of her eyes. “I want to…with you,” she repeated again. Maybe it was a careless decision being made in the haze of lust, but she didn’t regret it. She knew how she felt about him and in that moment, there wasn’t much else that mattered. 

He swallowed hard as understanding lit his eyes. He was leaning in to kiss her when he was suddenly jerked away.

Katniss only had time to process one thing: Rye was suddenly there, a murderous look in his eyes as he dragged Peeta away from her.

And then she saw Rye’s fist colliding with Peeta’s jaw and all hell broke loose.


	9. Chapter 9

It took Katniss a few moments to process what was happening.

Peeta and Rye were rolling around on the floor of the club, exchanging punches. The crowd had cleared out around them, as someone had yelled, “Fight!” and people looked on in shock.

“Oh my god, stop!” Katniss cried, just as Rye landed a solid hit to Peeta’s face, sending blood spraying from his nose.

Luckily Thresh and Finnick appeared out of nowhere to drag the brothers off of one another.

“Fucking asshole!” Rye shouted, his face red with exertion.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Peeta yelled as Thresh struggled to hold him back.

“How long have you two been fucking behind my back? Is that another thing you’ve kept me in the dark about because I’m just too fucking young and stupid to handle it?”

Katniss covered her mouth in horror as Rye stared down his brother with such anger and hatred in his eyes. This was exactly what Peeta was afraid of, exactly why he had put a stop to what was happening between them.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, so shut your mouth,” Peeta snapped back.

Before they could continue arguing, a couple of bouncers from the club came over and informed them that their entire party needed to leave the premises immediately. Rye angrily shrugged Finnick off of him and headed for the exit. The rest of their group followed and Katniss found Madge, who hugged her immediately and asked if she was okay.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, I just…” Katniss trailed off, as she realized she was trembling. 

“I can’t believe Rye actually hit him,” Madge said as they stepped outside together. The other guys were currently keeping Peeta and Rye separated, talking to them and trying to cool them both down. “This is all Gale’s fault.”

“What do you mean?” Katniss asked, her stomach twisting uncomfortably as she remembered the way she had blown Gale off earlier. 

“He was drunk and he came over to talk to Rye and I don’t know what Gale told him, but whatever it was, it set him off and the next thing I know he’s darting across the dance floor to find you and Peeta.” 

Katniss groaned. She knew exactly what Gale had told Rye. He had told him that Peeta had kissed her and dragged her away from him earlier in the evening. She guessed that was Gale’s way of getting her back for not exactly giving him the time of day when he’d been hitting on her.

Madge took a deep breath and looked at the ground sadly. “I thought he was over you…” she said quietly.

Katniss didn’t think she could feel any worse than she already did. But the idea that Madge thought Rye had attacked Peeta because Rye still had feelings for her made her feel sick.

“Oh god, no Madge, I promise you that’s not what it was…” Katniss tried to assure her friend.

“Really? Because he punched his brother in the middle of a crowded club when he saw the two of you dry humping and about to kiss,” Madge responded sullenly, avoiding her eyes. 

“They’ve been fighting for a while about...stuff that has nothing to do with me,” Katniss explained. “Just yesterday morning they had a huge blow up and they weren’t even talking for all of today. You saw how Rye was acting before we even got here.”

“Yeah, it did feel like Rye was already pissed off at him,” Madge conceded.

“He doesn’t have feelings for me. I can promise you that,” Katniss told her friend. “This was just the tipping point because Peeta and I kept how we felt about one another a secret from him.”

Just then, as if he realized how his actions might have come across to his girlfriend, Rye walked over to them and pulled Madge away, not even glancing over at Katniss. Katniss watched as he cupped Madge’s face in his hands and whispered something, before leaning down to kiss her. 

Katniss turned and walked a couple of feet away to clear her head and get some air. She only made it a few steps before she felt a hand on her arm. She turned and found Peeta, looking miserable with a swollen lip and bloody nose.

“You okay?” he asked her gruffly.

“I’m fine, but what about you?” she asked, reaching up to tenderly caress his injuries.

“I’ll be fine,” he assured her. 

She took a deep breath. “Peeta, I’m so sorry…” she began, the knot in her stomach twisting uncomfortably at the thought that she had caused even more problems between him and his brother.

“This is not your fault, Katniss,” Peeta cut her off before she could say anything else. “I can’t keep my hands off you,” he said, with a shrug and a weak laugh. “This was bound to happen sooner or later.”

She smiled up at him, a blush crawling across her cheeks. As if they could feel someone’s gaze upon them, they both turned to look at the same time to find Rye watching them in annoyance a few feet away. The moment of levity was gone now and Peeta exhaled in defeat, turning back to her. 

“I have to fix this. I have to make things better between him and me. We can’t keep going like this.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Katniss responded, glad that he and Rye would finally hash things out but feeling miserable at how defeated and unhappy Peeta looked even still.

“I need to…” Peeta hesitated, as if he was really struggling with the idea, “I need to tell him some things, explain stuff that’s not going to be easy to—”

He cut himself off and directed his gaze towards the ground. Katniss felt a lump in her throat when she realized he was struggling not to lose his composure. She was so proud and happy that he was taking this step to mend things with Rye, but it nearly broke her to see how heavily it weighed on him. 

“You’ll be okay,” Katniss whispered, reaching out to grab his hands. He let her lace their fingers together and they both took deep calming breaths, feeling better just from being joined. 

“I think I’m going to suggest he and I get away for a couple days. Maybe we can take a drive tomorrow, get tickets to a baseball game, something we haven’t done in forever. Stay the night in the city and come back on Monday.” 

“That sounds like a great plan,” Katniss agreed. “And maybe it won’t be as hard as you think,” she added. “Maybe once you finally get it off your chest you’ll feel better.”

He gave her a small smile and lifted one of her hands to kiss the back of her palm. She could tell from the look in his eyes that he appreciated her support and comfort, but that he didn’t exactly believe that anything about talking to Rye would be easy.

“And so far as you and I are concerned…” Peeta trailed off, as Katniss held her breath. “I’m almost glad Rye came over and threw a swing at me because you deserve better, Katniss.”

“I meant it though, what I said…” she managed to get out, her face flushing when she remembered the way they had writhed against one another in the club before Rye’s interruption, how she had told him she wanted to be with him completely. 

Peeta groaned and pulled her closer. “I want you too...more than anything. But you and I need to talk and work things out first, get it right before we get into this. I don’t want to mess this up, Katniss.”

“We can do that,” Katniss replied, hope fluttering in her stomach.

“Yeah?” Peeta gave her a sexy grin.

“Definitely.”

“Good, because knowing that we're that much closer to taking that step will give me something to look forward to, and help me get through the next couple of days with Rye and what I’m going to need to tell him.” He licked his lips and lowered his gaze, a sudden tension in the air between them. She could tell he wanted to kiss her, but they were both still very much aware of Rye’s presence nearby, so he held back. 

Finally the cabs Finnick called to take them all back home arrived and again, she and Peeta got into a separate car than Rye. But Katniss was feeling much more hopeful and optimistic now than she had been earlier that things between the brothers could be fixed. And then that eventually things between her and Peeta could move forward.

X

It was strange to be in the apartment alone.

Peeta and Rye had left early the next morning. Apparently Rye had been willing enough to go along with his older brother’s plan to get away for a couple of days. She was hopeful that they could come to an understanding, and that Peeta could finally open up to Rye about what he had kept from him for so long.

She was also giddily anticipating Peeta’s return home, knowing that they could finally address what was between the two of them when he got back.

She used the time alone in the apartment on Sunday to work on homework and do laundry. She was being fairly productive, but she couldn’t help her thoughts from constantly wandering to Peeta. She wondered how he was faring with coming clean to Rye about everything, and she briefly considered texting him to check in a couple of times, but ultimately decided against it. 

Later in the afternoon, however, she was surprised to see that Peeta was the one who had reached out to her first.

Peeta: I don’t know if I can do this…

Her stomach dropped when she read Peeta’s text, immediately feeling his panic and fear over finally talking to Rye, something he had dreaded and avoided for so long. She took a deep breath and considered how to respond.

Katniss: You can do this, Peeta. I know you can. Start with something small at first if that’s easier. 

Peeta: I’m just scared about how he’s going to handle this

Of course, Peeta was always protecting Rye, making sure he wouldn’t get hurt. It was why he was wary about her moving in with them in the first place, since he knew his brother had feelings for her she didn’t return. 

Katniss: He’s stronger than you think. This will be a good thing Peeta. It will bring you guys closer. No more secrets.

Peeta: He shouldn’t have to know these things though…what she did to me…it’s not going to do him any good

Her heart jumped at Peeta either inadvertently or deliberately revealing just what it was that he was keeping from Rye all this time. The horrors his mother had inflicted on him. She had nearly guessed as much, but it still made her stomach twist and her heart beat faster to see him essentially confirm it. She tried not to start imagining just how cruelly she must have treated Peeta for him to be so dead set on protecting his younger brother from even the knowledge of what she had done. 

Katniss: Maybe not, but he wants to know regardless. Telling him could take a weight off your chest, Peeta. It’s good to talk about things that have hurt us in the past. It’s the only thing that will ever help you get over it

Peeta: When did you get so smart?

Katniss: I’m a genius ;)

Peeta: And beautiful, can’t forget how gorgeous you are

Katniss: You’re not too bad looking yourself. Now go talk to your brother so the next time I see you we can talk about US

Peeta: Well that’s really the only motivation I need :)

She smiled, feeling silly with happiness. She couldn’t wait to see him again. She was so proud and happy that he was taking this step that was so clearly difficult for him. Not only because he was mending things with his brother, but that he was doing so knowing that it would allow things to go forward between her and him.

X

She was already asleep when she heard her phone ringing. She dragged herself out of sleep and rubbed her eyes to check her phone on her nightstand.

When she saw who was calling, she instantly became more alert, reaching for it quickly.

“Peeta?”

“Hey you.”

She glanced at the clock, noting that it was already 1:30 a.m. 

“Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

He sighed. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how late it was. No, I’m fine. I just wanted to talk to you.”

She relaxed back into her bed, her heartbeat calming down now that she knew he was okay. 

“That’s alright. I want to talk to you too.” She hesitated for a moment before continuing. “How did today go? How was your talk with Rye?”

He laughed—that pained, short laugh with no humor in it that she had heard from him before, and she knew that he was hurting. “It was fucking awful,” he admitted. “I mean, the baseball game was great, and overall Rye handled it better than I expected. Things are better between us now that it’s out there. But reliving it, telling him things I had told myself I was going to take to my grave? That part was fucking unbearable.”

She sucked in a breath, hating how miserable he sounded. She could feel his pain so acutely, as if it were her own. She felt the emotion clog her throat and she had to compose herself for a moment before she could speak.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice thick with unshed tears. “I wish there was something I could do for you.”

He chuckled again, but this time she could picture him actually grinning. 

“You don’t have to do anything, Katniss. Well, except maybe answer your phone in the middle of the night when I need to talk to you, and you’ve already done that, so I’m set. I wanted to hear your voice and now that I am I already feel better.”

She smiled at that, feeling less emotional. 

“So what are you doing up so late?” she asked.

“Rye’s asleep back in the room, and I just needed to take a walk and clear my mind. I’m actually down at the hotel bar, nursing my third drink.”

Her stomach tightened uncomfortably at the thought of him drinking away his problems, like he had done in the past. He must have been able to read her mind, because he spoke up next. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not drinking to feel numb. I just needed to relax after today.”

She laughed shakily, still worrying about him drinking alone at a bar.

“You’re a big boy, you can do whatever you want.”

“Yeah?” His voice took on a different tone that made her lower belly clench in response. “So technically I could go talk to this hot blonde sitting across the bar from me that has been eyeing me ever since I sat down?”

She gasped, not quite sure what he was playing at, but deciding to go along with it anyways. She was surprised at his sudden teasing, playful tone, but glad at the same time, since it showed he wasn’t completely distraught over coming clean with Rye today. 

“No, you definitely shouldn’t do that.”

“And why is that, Katniss?”

The way he said her name caused a rush of arousal between her legs, and she bit down on her bottom lip in response.

“Because you’re mine.”

She heard him groan in response. The throbbing between her legs was begging for relief.

“Are you wet?”

His words were making her so hot she slipped a hand down past her panties, breathing hard.

“Yes,” she gasped.

“Fuck, Katniss, you’re mine,” he growled. “And I’m yours. That’s the only thing in my life that makes sense right now.”

She started to circle her clit with two fingers, drowning in the pleasure of his voice telling her they belonged to one another. “Peeta!” she cried, overcome with sensation. No part of her was embarrassed about doing this while on the phone with him. It felt as natural and as right as when they first kissed.

“Fuck, you’re touching yourself right now, aren’t you?” 

Katniss could only moan in response, the pleasure escalating higher and higher.

“Are you going to come?” Peeta asked, breathless.

“Yes,” she panted, rubbing harder and faster, until she got there and exploded with a cry.

When she returned to herself, she heard Peeta’s voice, soft and gentle, wrapping around her like a blanket. 

“I bet you look so beautiful when you come. I can’t wait to see you. I’m going to try not to fuck this up, Katniss.” 

She was still regaining her mental faculties, so she couldn’t do much more than whisper his name with a contented sigh. She could almost see his smirk as he told her to go back to bed.

“Goodnight,” she whispered, her eyes already drifting shut; her orgasm lulling her back to sleep.

“Goodnight beautiful, sleep tight.”

The phone slipped from her grasp, and she had a smile on her face as she fell back to sleep.

X

Katniss was already asleep by the time Peeta and Rye got back late Monday night. And the next morning Peeta had to go into work early to take care of some things from the day off he had taken, so she had still yet to see him by the time she woke up. 

The first person she did see was Rye. He was sitting at the kitchen table, eating cereal as she walked down the hall in the morning, looking for breakfast.

“Hey,” he said a little warily, eyeing her carefully.

“Hi,” she replied, crossing her arms in front of her defensively. Suddenly she realized the last time they had been around one another Peeta was about to kiss her, before Rye took a swing at him.

She was about to ask if he and Peeta had fun on their mini-trip away before she caught herself. She doubt whatever they had discussed had been anything close to ‘fun.’ The silence in the room lingered and they avoided each other’s eyes, making each passing second more and more awkward.

“Katniss, I’m sorry…” Rye eventually broke the silence.

She frowned. He hadn’t really done anything to her directly. “What are you sorry about?”

“For being such an asshole,” he said wryly. 

She laughed and the tension between the two of them seemed disappear like that. “You were no more an asshole than usual,” she teased him, moving into the kitchen to grab a bowl for her own cereal and milk. She sat down beside him and poured herself breakfast.

Rye chuckled at that, but kept watching her carefully. “No, I was. I was a dick for what I did in that club. You know it wasn’t anything like…I mean I wasn’t…”

She tried to bite back her laughter as she watched Rye fumble for the words. She was enjoying watching her usually smooth-talking friend get tongue-tied way too much.

“It’s not like I was jealous,” he finally burst out, and then paused, eyes darting to look over at her, as if he were afraid she might get angry over that. She couldn’t help her grin and at the sight, Rye relaxed and shoved her in the arm.

“I know you weren’t jealous. I think you stopped liking me a while ago. And besides, you’re totally smitten with Madge. It’s adorable.”

Rye shook his head, but she definitely noticed the blush creep up his neck. “Yeah, so I just want to say I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that I was pissed at Peeta for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with you.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said quietly.

“So yeah, it’s kind of weird…you and my brother and everything, but hey whatever floats your boat.”

She laughed, this time the blush heating her own face, as she remembered their late night phone call two nights ago and the way she had made herself come to just the sound of Peeta’s voice.

“How exactly…I mean, god I don’t want the details, believe me…but how exactly did that happen between the two of you?” Rye asked curiously. 

Katniss struggled for the right words, trying to think of how she could describe the bond she had formed with Peeta over the past couple of months.

“I don’t know, I guess we kind of just gravitated towards each other. We had this instant connection. We talked a lot and became friends. I felt like I could tell him stuff that I never really shared with other people before.” She took a deep breath and shook her head to clear it, realizing she was rambling. “He really tried to hold off for a while because of you,” she added, wanting to make sure Rye knew Peeta had been considering his brother’s feelings the whole time.

Rye shook his head with a little laugh. “Yeah, I believe that. Peeta has always been too noble for his own good.” Something dark flickered across his face for a moment as he said this, but he brushed it aside just as quickly. “Well, now that I think about it you two actually make sense together, so it doesn’t really surprise me. Hell, I probably would have given you guys my blessing and said ‘go for it,’ if it wasn’t for all this other shit we had to deal with.”

“Yeah, Peeta kind of thought that too.” She cleared her throat, debating whether to ask the next question. “So how was your guys’ trip away?” 

Rye took a deep breath, staring down into the bowl of his cereal. “It was…hard.” He paused, and Katniss sensed he wanted to say more, so she stayed quiet and let the silence linger. She could almost see the wheels turning in his head, debating what and how much to say.

“I…part of me feels bad for basically forcing Peeta to tell me and making him relive it all over again, but another part of me is glad I know now. It explains so much.” He sighed and shook his head sadly. 

“I think it’s good you know now, too. Now you can understand where he has been coming from and hopefully there won’t be any more tension or strain on your relationship. You guys can be on the same team when it comes to dealing with everything.”

Rye continued staring at his cereal, slowly dragging his spoon through the milk and now soggy cornflakes. “Would you think I was a total coward if I admitted I almost wish he had never told me, that I had never strong-armed him into it? I…there are just some things that are hard to wrap your mind around. Especially when it comes to your family.”

Katniss’ stomach twisted at Rye’s foreboding words. She was sick with dread over just what exactly Peeta had finally shared with Rye. A brief flash of annoyance at Rye also coursed through her as she thought of him not wanting to share the burden of knowing whatever lay in their family’s past with his brother. But in fairness, she could only imagine how horrible it was, and she was in no position to judge. 

“I think it’s understandable to wish you could go back to not knowing something that is especially troubling…” she finally said diplomatically.

“It was more than troubling, Katniss,” Rye said, shooting her a look. Her breath caught. She was paralyzed for a moment, seeing in Rye’s eyes that he almost wished he could tell her what it was. He wanted someone else to share the burden with him because he had only just discovered it and it was already an unbearable weight to hold.

“I’m sure it wasn’t easy to hear.”

“I feel so guilty…” Rye whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “You can’t imagine what she did to him…”

Katniss abruptly stood up from the table, bringing her dish over to the sink. She braced herself against the kitchen counter and took a couple of deep breaths. When she was composed, she finally turned back to Rye.

“It makes me sick to think about what Peeta must have gone through,” she whispered, blinking back tears. “And I don’t know any of the details so I can’t really comment on it. And I don’t think I should know anything unless Peeta decides to tell me,” she added the last part, hoping Rye would understand that she couldn’t hear anymore. This wasn’t something she wanted to hear secondhand. If Peeta decided to share anything with her then she would listen, but this wasn’t Rye’s story to tell.

Rye sat back in his chair, staring at her for a long moment. Finally, something close to a smirk appeared on his face, some of the misery from earlier leaving him.

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

She felt the knot of emotion in her throat and could only nod her head in response.

“Well, good, I’m glad,” Rye said, grabbing his bowl and standing up to bring it to the sink beside her.

“I feel like I should warn you though, Katniss,” he said, pausing beside her for a moment. “If you guys do get together, it’s not going to be easy. Peeta has never had a serious girlfriend. I don’t think he knows how to really open himself up to someone and he has other…issues…that now, in retrospect, make sense given what I know.”

Katniss blanched at his words, fear and anxiety hitting her all at once as she realized that what Rye was saying definitely held some truth to it. Didn’t Peeta keep mentioning that he didn’t want to mess things up between them? That they had to work through some things before they moved forward together? And he had never had a serious girlfriend? Has he been that closed off his whole life?

“Thanks,” she smiled at her friend. “I know it’s not going to be easy, but I think he’s worth it.”

Rye smiled back at her. “I’m glad you think so.”


	10. Chapter 10

When she got out of class, she checked her phone to see that Peeta had messaged her.

Peeta: hey can I take you out to dinner tonight?

The smile that instantly lit up her face made her feel silly. She kept thinking about how the way she felt about Peeta—the way he seemed to care for her—almost seemed too good to be true. In her entire life up to this point, no interaction with any guy she had met could even compare. It also scared her though, because she was terrified of it being taken away. 

They still hadn’t had a chance to sit down and talk about things between them since Peeta had gotten back from his little trip with Rye. She was hoping that this dinner would give them that opportunity. 

Katniss: absolutely :)

Peeta: perfect, are you still on campus? I’ll come by and pick you up

After she confirmed with Peeta where she’d be waiting for him, she started walking in that direction, tightening her sweater around her. It was the end of March, but spring was late in arriving. The sun was setting over the campus and she was glad that she wouldn’t have to take the bus back to the apartment like she usually did.

When she heard someone calling her name, she turned around to see Gale Hawthorne, almost jogging to catch up to her. She tried not to roll her eyes, forcing herself to stop and wait for him even though she really would just rather walk away. 

“Hey, I tried to get you to wait up after class, I wanted to talk.”

She told herself not to blow up at him. “Yeah, look I’m sorry, but I can’t really talk. I have to go.” 

“Is something wrong? Are you mad at me?”

The fact he had the nerve to even ask her that question infuriated her.

“Did you go tell Rye that Peeta kissed me this weekend when you saw us at the club?”

He looked dumbstruck and the silence that followed was the only confirmation she needed. 

“Right, well, like I said, I don’t really want to talk.” She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked down at his hand wrapped around her bicep and shot him a murderous look. He instantly released it and held his hands up in a placating gesture. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I was pissed. And drunk. And that guy was an asshole.”

“That guy is my boyfriend.” She wasn’t sure where those words came from, but once they were out there she didn’t regret them. It was worth it to see the look on Gale’s face anyways. 

He shook his head in disbelief, suddenly backing away. The way he narrowed his eyes at her in disgust told her all she ever really needed to know about him. She was glad in that moment that she had never given him a second glance, had never done more than be polite to him.

“Right, well good luck with that,” Gale scoffed, suddenly cold and hostile. “I’m sure you’ll need it. That guy seemed like a real winner.” 

She blanched at the insult to Peeta, wondering where Gale got off insulting him. He knew nothing about Peeta.

“He’s great actually.” Her voice shook. She was furious at the fact that she had to defend Peeta to this asshole.

“Oh, I’m sure. Word of advice though—be careful. He seems like it won’t be a matter of if you get hurt, it’ll be a matter of when.”

“You don’t even know him!”

“No, but I know his type. He’s controlling, quiet, angry. He can’t handle the thought of you talking to another guy. I bet he doesn’t tell you much about himself, does he?”

She flinched at the accuracy of his last words. She didn’t think Peeta was any of those other things, but she couldn’t deny that he had yet to open himself up to her in any real way. 

Gale must have seen on her face that he struck a nerve and he huffed in amusement. “Right, that’s what I thought. See you around, Katniss.” 

She wanted to yell vicious things after him, but the sound of her phone ringing pulled her attention away from Gale’s retreating form.

Peeta was calling. She picked it up and assured him she was just a couple of minutes away from where he was supposed to pick her up. She jogged over to the meeting spot, forcing herself to forget about Gale’s final words and focus on the fact that she was going to see Peeta.

X

Peeta held her hand across the table, stroking her palm with the pad of his thumb. She was looking into his eyes and trying to stop herself from smiling like an idiot.

They had just ordered their food. Peeta had brought her to a quaint little restaurant downtown that was nice, but not so fancy that she felt uncomfortable wearing what she had worn to class. They were tucked into their own little corner of the restaurant, and Peeta had been nothing but sweet and attentive with her since he had picked her up. 

“So…” he said, looking up at her shyly through those impossibly long eyelashes.

“So…” she mimicked him, trying to bite back a laugh. Her stomach was alive with nerves, full of anticipation for how this evening would go.

He picked her hand up off the table and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of it. She melted at the sweet gesture, finding it hard to believe that this was actually happening to her, that she had gotten lucky enough to find someone like Peeta. 

But then, suddenly, he got serious, taking a deep breath, like he was preparing himself for something. He stared at their joined hands on the table and was silent for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet. 

“I, um…I just want to tell you that if you’re having second thoughts about this, or if you don’t want anything more between us, then we can end this right now before it starts, with no hard feelings. I’ll…I’ll let you go.”

Her heart ached. How could he doubt how much she wanted him? Did he think so little of himself? There was nothing that could stop her from wanting to be with him. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, and with a feeling of dread she realized that he was actually afraid she might walk away. 

This time she was the one who lifted their joined hands to her lips, pressing a kiss to the back of his palm. When he looked up at her, she could see the emotion in his eyes and her breath caught.

“I want this. I want us.”

He smiled at her shyly, taking a breath that seemed to relieve some of the tension in his body. He relaxed after that, moving on to lighter conversation as the waiter brought them their food. It wasn’t until they were halfway through their meals that he brought up the topic of the two of them again.

“I’ve never done this, Katniss,” he said seriously, looking at her carefully, trying to make sure she understood what he was saying. “I’ve never wanted to do this before. I’m not sure that I even know how. I just know that I want to be with you. And you deserve someone who gives you everything and makes you happy and treats you right.”

She felt tightness in her throat, overwhelmed by Peeta being so open with her about what he was feeling. She wanted to tell him that this was all new to her as well. That he was the first person she had ever felt this strongly about. 

“Peeta, I meant what I said earlier,” she told him. “I want this. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

He gave her a small smile and then looked away, his eyes flickering down, like he was shutting down and preparing himself for what he needed to say next. 

“I think it’s only fair though that I tell you up front that I know I won’t be the easiest person to be with. Sometimes I feel like…” he trailed off and Katniss felt her heart clench seeing the pain and sadness in his eyes. “Sometimes I feel so fucked up and like the demons in my past are never going to let me go.” He swallowed hard and Katniss could see the wetness in his eyes. She wanted to reach out for his hand to touch him, but she stopped herself and let him continue.

“And I know there is so much that I haven’t told you, so much that is just so hard to imagine telling someone. Rye was hard enough. But you…you’re so…I can’t…” He shook his head in defeat.

Katniss heard Gale’s words in her head, taunting her about how little Peeta had actually shared with her, but she quickly forced them away.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Peeta whispered. “And I’m afraid that if we start this that’s exactly what will happen, no matter what I do.”

She waited, wanting to make sure he was done with everything he wanted to say before she spoke. She smiled at him, reaching out to grab his hand and squeezing it.

“Peeta, there’s always a chance you can get hurt when you get close to someone. I don’t care though. I want to take that risk. You’re worth it.” 

He studied her carefully, his eyes roaming across over her face, like he was drinking her in. “I wish I was less selfish,” he said almost wistfully. “I wish I didn’t want you so much and I could walk away to protect you. I wish I could promise you I won’t fuck this up.”

“Don’t worry about that, just be with me,” Katniss whispered. “We’ll figure out the rest later.”

She knew he had agreed when he smiled at her with his crooked grin, making her heart jump. 

“Okay,” he said.

They seemed to be in a hurry to finish their meal after that, and they finally got the check and paid. When they were leaving the restaurant, Peeta pulled her off to the side as they walked down the sidewalk to the car, hiding under the awning of an already closed store.

He grabbed her face between his hands, trailing this thumbs across her cheekbones, his fingers curled behind her neck. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered with so much emotion in his voice. He didn’t move any closer, just continued gazing down at her like he couldn’t look away no matter how hard he tried. “When I’m with you, all I can think about is how much I want you; how maybe I’m not completely screwed up and hopeless if I can feel the way I feel about you.”

“Kiss me,” she begged. His words had wrapped around her like a blanket, warming her insides. She knew in this moment that what she felt with Peeta was rare and special. She was going to do everything in her power to make sure it lasted.

When he leaned down to join their lips together, an entirely different sensation lit her up from the inside. He commanded her mouth, sucking on her bottom lip. He massaged her tongue with his own, tasting her until they were both breathless and had to break away. Her panties were wet and she was throbbing from just his kiss.

This was it then. They were really doing this. They shared a look in that instance that confirmed that fact and how they were both thrilled and nervous at the idea.

X

It happened a couple days later.

She was at the apartment alone, trying to catch up on some homework. She should have known something was up when there was a knock at their door at around noon. They rarely had visitors, much less in the middle of the day.

Dragging herself off the couch, she walked to the front door in her sleep shorts and one of Peeta’s old shirts she had stolen from him. She opened the door to find a woman standing there. She might have been in her 40s, but the haggard look in her eyes made her appear much older than she likely was.

She eyed Katniss critically, looking her up and down. She made Katniss feel self-conscious about her appearance from just a glance. Katniss wanted to shrink away, something about this woman made her afraid, but she didn’t want to appear weak.

“Can I help you?” she asked, keeping the door halfway open and blocking the view inside the apartment with her body.

“Who are you?” the woman sneered.

This woman questioning her caught Katniss off guard. She was the stranger at Katniss’ doorstep, not the other way around. Katniss opened her mouth to respond but had to struggle to find the words.

“Ex-excuse me?” she finally managed.

“Are you the live-in whore?” the woman smirked, like she found the idea particularly amusing. “Your face is okay, but the rest of you leaves something to be desired.” 

Katniss could only gape at her in shock. She was just wrapping her mind around the outrage and anger she was feeling when the woman’s next words took her breath away.

“Are my boys here?”

Katniss tried not to let what she was feeling show on her face. But internally she was ready to lose it. This was her then. This was Peeta and Rye’s mother, the woman who had caused them both so much pain, the woman who had done unspeakable things to Peeta.

Katniss struggled to maintain her composure and forced herself to appear calm. She swallowed back the anger and revulsion she felt from just looking at this woman and tried to meet her eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I live here with my friend Madge.” 

Peeta and Rye’s mother’s eyes narrowed, scrutinizing Katniss carefully. She looked at her for a long time and Katniss willed herself not to flinch or glance away, desperate for her to believe the lie, for her to never come back here again.

“Oh really? You sure about that sweetie?” the woman taunted her.

Katniss felt the chills down her spine. This woman wasn’t just a lousy mother who might be a drug addict as well. There was something in her that felt evil…wrong.

“I need you to leave,” Katniss forced out, hoping her voice wasn’t trembling. The woman looked at her long and hard.

Finally, their little stare-down broke apart and the woman smiled at her in a sickly sweet sort of way. 

“My mistake then darling,” she cooed. “I guess I got the wrong place.” She turned to leave, slowly backing away while still keeping her eye on Katniss. She paused for a second and the smiled in a way that sent shivers racing through Katniss. “Nice t-shirt, by the way.”

With that, their mother turned and disappeared, but Katniss’ stomach felt like it had bottomed out. She was wearing Peeta’s old college t-shirt. Did their mother know then? Was their mother messing with her?

She shut the door quickly and tried to calm down, breathing hard and fast. This was a nightmare. She and Peeta had finally gotten to a place where they were moving forward with their relationship—and now this. 

All she could think about was that as much as she didn’t want to, and as much as she dreaded doing it, she would have to tell Peeta about this. From just this short encounter, Katniss could tell that something was seriously sick and wrong about this woman. And she wouldn’t take the chance that his mother would show up again and have it be a surprise to either Peeta or Rye.

They needed to know. They needed to be prepared. Because their mother didn’t seem like she was just going to disappear.

X 

When she got home later that night, she gathered up all her courage and raised her hand to knock at Peeta’s bedroom door. She had eaten and showered and changed, and now she couldn’t put it off any longer.

She needed to tell Peeta about his mother stopping by.

When Peeta opened the door, he grinned at the sight of her, already in her sleep clothes, hair still damp from her shower. Only Peeta could gaze at her when she looked like this and make her feel beautiful. 

“Um, hi,” she began nervously, tucking some hair behind her ear.

“You don’t need to knock you know,” he smiled at her, grabbing her hand and pulling her into his room, closing the door behind her. 

“Oh um, well I just thought,” Katniss stammered as he pulled her over to his bed so they could both sit down at the edge. 

He silenced her with a kiss, a gentle pressure of his lips against hers that took her breath away. 

“I’ve wanted to do that all day,” Peeta sighed, their mouths just barely grazing.

“I have to tell you something,” Katniss forced herself to blurt out the words. If she didn’t say it soon, his kisses would distract her, and he needed to know this. It was important.

Peeta pulled away, looking at her warily. “Um okay? Is it about us?”

“No, I swear, It’s not…” she trailed off, feeling flustered. “I care about you so much and I can’t tell you how happy I am that we’re together now.”

Peeta seemed to relax at her words, some of the concern and tension disappearing from his face. “Okay, then what is it then?”

She took a deep breath and told him everything—from the moment she opened the door, to when she realized it had to be their mother, to what their mother had said before finally leaving.

Peeta’s expression was indiscernible at first. He just continued staring back at her with a blank look. Then his entire face changed, like he had just seen something horrific. He looked away from her, gazing off at nothing in particular.

“You’re sure?” he asked calmly, like he was willing his voice not to shake.

She barely had time to nod her head in the affirmative before Peeta jumped up off the bed. He paced to the farthest corner of his room away from her, giving her his back. He put his hands behind his neck like he was tugging his head forward, and started mumbling to himself. 

She stood up, looking after him helplessly, not knowing what to do.

“Peeta?” she questioned hesitantly.

He was still mumbling unintelligible things and he was starting to rock back and forth on his feet. The sight scared her and she stepped closer to him, saying his name again louder.

He turned and locked eyes with her, a wild look in his gaze that scared her.

“This is what I’m talking about, Katniss,” he said sadly, defeat in his eyes. “I can’t even handle you telling me this. I’m not good enough for you. I’m going to lose it. I don’t deserve you.” His last words were cut off by a choking half sob, half gasping sound that escaped him, and her heart seized.

She closed the distance between them and slowly reached out to put her arms around him. At first he tensed up, like he was going to resist, and then he allowed it, letting her pull him down into her embrace, tucking his head into the curve of her shoulder.

I love you.

She felt the words on the tip of her tongue. So real and visceral they made her heart beat faster and she wanted nothing more than to whisper them into his ear as she stroked his head. But she would wait though, because she knew this was not the right moment for that confession.

“It’ll be okay,” she promised him instead. “I won’t let her hurt you.”

He drew back to look at her and the emotion in his eyes nearly undid her. She could see everything he was feeling swirling around in those ocean blue eyes of his.

And then something beautiful happened. One side of his mouth pulled up in a half smirk as he looked down at her adoringly.

“Yeah?” He was gazing at her like the thought of her standing up to his mother for him warmed his heart so much he couldn’t help but smile, despite everything else he was feeling. 

“I would do anything for you.” Katniss nodded in response. She searched his eyes and implored him to understand how much she meant the words with just a look.

He lifted his hand to cup the side of his face and shook his head in disbelief.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, leaning down to kiss her gently. “You’re too good for me,” he added, pulling her closer. “God, I want you,” he panted. Suddenly he was backing her towards the bed, holding her against him as he lowered her gently to the mattress.

“Katniss,” he moaned, kissing her neck and lifting a hand to palm her breast. 

She slid her hands under his t-shirt, grasping at the warm, solid muscles of his back, as he continued kissing every exposed inch of flesh he could find. 

Before she could process what was happening, he was tugging her shorts and panties down her legs. The sudden rush of arousal she felt surprised her. There was no other thought in her mind other than wanting this, wanting him.

“Tell me to stop,” Peeta whispered. “Katniss, tell me to stop right now or I won’t be able to.”

She opened her mouth to say something but couldn’t find the words. She saw the crazed, desperate longing in his eyes and knew she wanted to give this to him. She wanted to share this with him right now.

So instead she pulled her t-shirt off over her head and laid back on her elbows to look up at him. She was naked and wet and she realized this was maybe not how she imagined it happening, but it was exactly what she wanted right now.

He groaned like he was in pain, taking a long lingering look up the length of her body. He leaned down to kiss her, slipping his hand between her legs. She gasped as his fingers trailed over her folds, feeling the slickness of her arousal. His thumb sought out her clit and started to rub it with slow, deliberate strokes that made her whimper.

“Don’t stop,” she gasped, jutting her hips towards him “Peeta, don’t stop,” she repeated, letting him know that she wanted this. He pulled back and tugged off his t-shirt before darting over to his bedside table and returning with a foil packet that he began to unwrap with his teeth. 

Katniss’ heart started to beat faster, the realization that this was really going to happen hitting her hard. There was only a little apprehension, but it had too much competition with the desire she felt for him, and the throbbing between her legs to won out. 

When he tugged his shorts down to the floor, she lost her breath at the sight of him. Her stomach dropped as he started to roll the condom down over his length and the apprehension was more present now, because he was thick and long, but she still shivered in pleasure at the thought of him filling her.

He moved above her on the bed, using his knee to spread her legs further apart. He leaned down to kiss her, and in one solid movement he pushed deep inside her, causing her to cry out. 

He froze and she took several deep breaths to try and adjust to his size.

When he pulled back, he looked down at her in concern. “Katniss…” he said slowly, like he was hoping that what he was thinking wasn’t true. He hadn’t moved since he pushed inside her. “Are you…is this…?” He was at a loss for words, staring down at her with his mouth hanging open in disbelief. 

She avoided his eyes, feeling the blush crawl across her neck and chest.

“Are you…a virgin?” Peeta croaked out, clearly fearing her answer.

Katniss bit down on her lip, trying to pull him closer so he would stop staring down at her in shock like he was currently doing. She was worried what he would think of her, if he would be mad she hadn’t told him or think it was weird that she had never done it.

“Not anymore,” she mumbled, moving her hips to indicate where he was still hard inside her. 

Peeta scoffed in disbelief, reaching down to cup her chin, forcing her to look at him. “How the hell were you a virgin?” 

“I told you I’ve never really dated,” she replied, stroking the side of his face. “I’ve never let anyone get that close…until you.”

Peeta smiled at her, grabbing her hand to press a kiss to her palm. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked more softly this time.

She shrugged as he dipped his head to press kisses her neck and chest. “I don’t know…I felt weird about it,” she admitted shyly.

“I wish I had known,” Peeta mumbled against her skin, his hips starting to move now slowly despite himself. “You deserved better than a quick fuck…”

“I don’t know...” Katniss smiled, moving her hands down his back until she reached his ass, squeezing it gently. “This feels pretty good to me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Peeta whispered, moving his hips painstakingly slowly, pulling out and easing himself back in. She shivered, wrapping her feet around the back of his calves.

“Do it,” she panted, starting to grind herself against him to stimulate her clit. “Harder.” 

“Fuck,” Peeta grunted, biting down on her shoulder gently.

Her hands dug in to his ass as he started to thrust inside her with more urgency. He reached down to hold her hips in place, pounding himself against her in a punishing rhythm. 

She grunted in response, her mouth falling open as the feel of him moving inside her became too much. He was everywhere and she was overwhelmed by it—he was inside her and above her and against her. She could feel his skin slick with sweat, she could hear his grunts of pleasure in time with his thrusts, and she could see the passion and love in his eyes as he cupped her face with one hand and locked eyes with her.

“Katniss, fuck,” he grunted, slowing his thrusts to more deliberate movements of his hips where he grinded against her. The pleasure spiked hard and fast in her lower belly and she cried out, her body going tense all over.

“Peeta!” she shouted, her orgasm washing over her as one long powerful wave. 

He kept rocking against her as she came, letting her ride out her release as he started to thrust inside her again and again, prolonging her pleasure. He leaned down to kiss her long and hard when he eventually came, his hips jerking against her sporadically.

She was vaguely aware of him pulling out and moving away from her, and if she didn’t feel boneless and completely sated she would have reached for him to not leave. He was back as quickly as he had left though, and he pulled her against his chest and placed a kiss to her forehead.

“Are you okay? Was I too rough?” Peeta asked, his hand trailing down her side and caressing her hips and backside.

“Perfect,” Katniss mumbled contently, nuzzling into his chest.

She heard him sigh and for a long moment they were quiet, his hand rubbing soothing patterns up and down her back. Sleep was threatening to pull her under when he spoke again.

“I made her let us go when I turned 18, forced her to make me Rye’s legal guardian. I told her she could never contact us again. I said if she did all that, I’d never tell anyone what she did, I’d never go to the cops.” 

Katniss was suddenly so alert and awake she couldn’t believe she had been about to fall asleep. The happy, amazing feeling from her post-sex haze disappeared in an instant at hearing Peeta admit things about his family and his past that he had never told her before. Carefully, she sat up a little and turned to look at him. He was staring up at the ceiling blankly.

“What’d she do to you?” Katniss whispered, her throat hurting with the effort it took not to cry. 

She saw Peeta’s eyes fill with tears and she reached out to cup his face, caressing his cheek tenderly.

“I always told her I’d do anything if she left Rye alone. I told her she could do anything she wanted to me, but she couldn’t hurt Rye,” Peeta’s voice broke and Katniss could feel her own tears fall at the sight of his pain. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the side of his face. 

“It was her and her friends too, or her boyfriend of the month.” Peeta’s voice was broken and gravelly, and Katniss wasn’t sure how much more she could listen to. “I wasn’t a kid to them, I was something to punish and hurt and humiliate.”

She couldn’t stand anymore and neither could Peeta. They both broke down into tears, clinging to each other desperately as they cried for all the pain and torture he had endured. Her heart felt like it was broken, now having a better idea about what lay in Peeta’s past. She held him as tightly as she possibly could, willing him to understand he was safe now and that she loved him and he would never go through that again.

Eventually the tears stopped and their breathing slowed and their bodies relaxed. When he leaned down to kiss her, there was a quiet urgency between them and they could both sense that they needed each other physically again. It wasn’t fast and rushed like before, but slow and gentle and even more intense. He moved inside her and she took his face between her hands and made him look at her. She held his gaze as he started to slowly rock against her. He leaned down to kiss her and she held him against her as tightly as she possibly could as he brought them both to climax once more.


	11. Chapter 11

Katniss walked down the empty hallways of the high school, looking for room 108. She was carrying a takeout bag from his favorite deli, and for a brief moment she worried about his reaction. She wasn’t sure if he would be okay with her just showing up at his work like this and surprising him, but she was desperate to do something nice for him. And to be truthful, she was being selfish because she wanted an excuse to see him in the middle of the day. She knew today was his longer day, and he wouldn’t be home until late.

When she found the right classroom, she peeked in through the small window on the door and saw Peeta standing at the front of the class, lecturing. Her heart jumped at the sight of him in his work clothes: slacks and a nice button-up that he had rolled up his forearms. He looked beautiful and something tugged in her lower belly that made her bite her lip. 

Since that night they became intimate for the first time, she was finding herself more and more consumed by the physical aspect of their relationship. Things were so intense between that it was almost overwhelming. She had a suspicion that most first sexual experiences weren’t this fantastic, that most sexual relationships in general didn’t quite have the type of passion and intensity she and Peeta shared. 

She flushed at the memory of him taking her from behind the night before.

Watching Peeta address his class made her smile. She was amazed at how comfortable he seemed standing up there in front of 30 teenagers. He was so charismatic and engaging, which wasn’t something she saw often in the time she had known him. But she loved the thought that he was so at ease teaching and imparting knowledge on others.

She startled at the sound of the bell ringing, and jumped back away from the door. A swarm of loud teenagers flooded out of the classroom and invaded the hallway. She stepped away and pressed herself against the wall of lockers so she was out of the way. 

When the crowd had cleared, she stepped into the classroom and froze, not wanting to intrude on the conversation Peeta was having with one of his students.

Peeta’s back was towards her and the student was facing the front of the room but staring down at the floor. She couldn’t help overhearing the conversation, as Peeta’s words tugged at her heart.

“If you ever want to talk I’m here, okay? If things aren’t good at home I want you to know you can trust me, alright? We can keep it just between you and me, if that makes you feel better. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I promise.”

“Thanks Mr. Mellark,” the student replied. “I got to get to my next class. I’ll think about it.”

Katniss turned away to provide the student some privacy as he left the room, but she caught Peeta’s eye as he followed the student to the door.

“That’s all I ask,” Peeta told the boy. “Don’t forget about the reading, and let me know if you need help with that paper.”

When the student had left, Peeta closed the door to his room and turned back to Katniss.

“Well, this is a surprise,” he smiled, leaning back against the door with a small smirk.

“I wanted to bring you lunch,” Katniss said, tucking some hair behind her ear, feeling strangely shy all of a sudden. It was making her chest feel tight to think about how much she loved this man, how kind he was despite all he had endured, how she had bared herself to him, both emotionally and physically, and how much she had enjoyed it—especially the physical part.

“Lunch with my girl?” Peeta grinned, stepping towards her. “Sounds fantastic,” he said, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

They laid the food out on his desk and talked as they ate. She loved the fact that they could still have such easy, open conversations with each other now that they were dating, like they had had when they were first getting to know each other. She still felt like she was learning so much about him, and with every piece of information she discovered, she felt like they became that much closer.

When they were finished, she stood up and started to clean up, but Peeta grabbed her arm from where he was still seated at his desk to stop her. She shot him a curious look and he responded by pulling her down into his lap. 

She smiled and lifted a hand to cup his face. She caressed his cheek and looked into his eyes, leaning forward to kiss him briefly.

“I told Rye about how she came by the other day,” Peeta said softly, searching her face.

Her chest constricted a little at the mention of his mother and the harsh reality of what had been hanging over them since a few days ago. Katniss was glad that he brought it up because she had been curious, but she didn’t want to make him feel that the only reason she stopped by was to question him about it.

She ran her thumb over the scruff of his unshaven jaw. “How did he react?”

“He was pretty upset,” Peeta replied, looking down at her lap, where he was caressing her other hand. “It’s different now that he knows. I think the best thing I could have ever done was tell him. He understands now why we can’t have anything to do with her. The silver lining at least is that we’re on the same page now.”

“Well that’s good at least,” Katniss offered weakly, hating that she didn’t know what else to do or say to make this better for him. All she wanted to do was comfort him and protect him from that evil woman.

“I think I have you to thank for that,” he said, looking up at her with the hint of a crooked smile. He lifted their joined hands to his mouth and kissed her hand. “If it wasn’t for you and me I don’t know if I would have ever told Rye anything.”

She smiled at him, but shook her head. “No, Peeta. You did that all on your own. You had the courage to do something you had been dreading and avoiding for years.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him, fitting her head into the crook of his neck. His arms came around her waist and he pulled her even tighter against him.

When she felt him press a kiss to her temple, she pulled back and fiddled with the collar of his shirt. “What are you going to do if she comes by again?” Katniss whispered, afraid of her question and even more so of his answer. Some part of her must have felt that saying the words quietly could take away their power and make them less scary. She knew how much the topic of his mother caused him pain and that was the last thing she wanted to do. 

He was quiet for a long time and Katniss kept her gaze diverted from his, allowing him time and space to decide how he wanted to answer her question. She could feel his hands rubbing gently up and down her sides, and when he finally spoke his tone was calm and composed. “I honestly don’t know. I’m hoping she doesn’t, but if she does, I guess I’ll deal with that when the time comes.”

She met his eyes and he offered her a small smile. She was relieved not to see any of the fear or panic that had been there when she had first told him about his mother’s appearance a few days earlier. “We’ll deal with it together,” she told him and then leaned in to kiss him. 

The bell signaling the end of the lunch period rang, interrupting their kiss and startling Katniss, as she nearly jumped off Peeta’s lap. He laughed and stood up beside her, giving her another quick kiss and thanking her for lunch.

She left his classroom feeling hopeful that whatever storm may be on the horizon they could weather it together. 

X

“So how’s the sex?”

Katniss cringed at Johanna’s blunt question. Madge and Annie couldn’t suppress their laughter from where they were seated across the table from her. The four of them had gathered at their favorite coffee shop near campus one morning.

Katniss had finally fessed up that she and Peeta were officially together now, and the prying question was the first thing out of Jo’s mouth. Katniss was sure Jo asked it partly out of curiosity and partly out of desire to embarrass her. 

She definitely gave Jo what she was looking for when she blushed from her hairline to her collarbone and stared down at her lap.

“Oh my god,” Jo laughed, “it’s either awful, or he’s fucking your brains out, based on that reaction, Brainless.”

“It’s not awful!” Katniss responded immediately before she could think better of it.

Jo’s eyes lit up in pure glee. “So he IS fucking your brains out!” she exclaimed with a delighted cackle.

“They’re so cute together,” Madge piped up, smiling at her friend. “You should have seen her sitting on his lap and him feeding her dinner the other night. Rye and I almost barfed from their adorableness.”

“Shut up!” Katniss protested, but it was undermined by the smile tugging at her lips.

“Finnick told me that Peeta said he was falling for you,” Annie grinned at her. Katniss felt her heart start to beat crazy fast in her chest, her mind going into overdrive.

“He said that?” she asked breathlessly. “When? What did he say exactly?”

Annie filled her in on the details of how Peeta had told Finnick he had been falling for Katniss since she moved in, and Katniss realized how nice it was now to talk openly with her friends about her relationship with Peeta. It felt different now that it wasn’t this secret she had to keep hidden from everyone.

She didn’t go so far as sharing the issue with Peeta and Rye’s mother with her friends, because she knew that wasn’t her story to share, but for now she was happy to talk to them about what she could.

After the coffee shop, she ran a couple of errands and then headed to the library to get some work done. She had final projects and huge papers due in the upcoming weeks before the semester ended and she graduated. She hunkered down and got to work, and before she knew it, it was well past dinnertime and her eyes were hurting.

She was rolling out the tension in her shoulders when she caught sight of her phone lighting up with an incoming call. She had put her phone on silent since she was in the library, but when she saw Peeta’s face on her screen she couldn’t help but grab it to answer.

“Hello?” she said in a hushed whisper.

“Hey you,” Peeta’s voice came over the speaker in her phone. 

“Hi,” she sighed quietly, a smile on her face at the sound of his voice. 

“Where are you right now?”

“The library,” Katniss whispered, “I had a bunch of homework to do.”

“Ah I see,” Peeta replied. “Any idea what time you’ll be out there?”

Katniss sighed and looked over the work she still had waiting for her. She explained to Peeta that she should probably put a dent in her research paper tonight so she at least had a game plan for how she would tackle it in the next week. He was understanding and told her not to overwork herself and to come to his room when she got home. She couldn’t help the bashful grin at that thought and hung up with promises to text him when she was heading home.

She got back to work and made a good amount of progress so that an hour and a half later she felt comfortable finally calling it a night. Her stomach was rumbling with hunger in protest of missing dinner and having nothing substantial to eat since breakfast.

As she stretched out her stiff muscles, she glanced around the mostly empty study lounge and froze when she saw his face across the room.

Peeta was watching her with a smile, a bag in his hand as he started to approach her. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms as she smiled at the sight of him making his way towards her.

“Surprise,” he said with a grin, pulling up a chair next to her. He placed the bag on the table and started unloading cartons of food next to her before suddenly pausing. “Wait…can we eat in here?”

Katniss grinned at him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. “No, probably not,” she laughed. “But I appreciate the thought anyways. And I was actually just going to pack up,” she explained. “Come on, I know of somewhere we can go to eat though.”

She took him to a little patio just outside the library, with benches and trees and a view of the campus. The air was warm with just a slight breeze, and they unpacked the Chinese food Peeta had brought and chatted over the meal. When they were finished, she turned to him, her side pressed against the back of the bench. She smiled at him, taking in the sight of his profile with languid pleasure. “Thanks for coming.”

He looked over at her with a crooked smile. “Just returning the favor.”

“I needed this,” she told him truthfully. “These next few weeks are going to be so busy until graduation.”

He turned towards her and lifted a hand to push some hair away from her face. “You know I’m here if you need me, right? I know I have a bunch of my own shit to deal with, but I don’t ever want you to feel like I’m not here for you. If you need to talk or just anything…I’m here. You’re so good to me, I want to make sure you know I’m here for you too.” 

She felt the knot of emotion in her throat and pushed it down, offering him a genuine smile. She grabbed the hand of his that was cupping her face and pressed a kiss to his palm. “Thank you,” she whispered and they locked eyes. They stared at each other for a long moment and Katniss could literally feel the air around them grow thick with tension. Every part of her body was painfully aware of him sitting beside her. She had the uncontrollable urge to crawl into his lap right here and now. 

She saw Peeta swallow thickly himself, his gaze still fixed on her.

“Let’s go home,” he said, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. 

She nodded her head in agreement, and he dragged her to her feet, eager to get alone with one another.

X 

Peeta pinned her against the back of his door the moment they got inside his room. He held her hands above the door, keeping her immobile as he leaned down to kiss her. It was all-consuming the way he tasted her. His tongue slid against hers as his kiss ignited that yearning low in her belly she had come to recognize. She craved the feeling of him inside her, pounding inside of her as she got lost in the pleasure. 

“Fuck, I need you,” Peeta gasped as their mouths separated for just a moment so they could catch their breaths. He pressed against her and she could feel the physical evidence of his need rubbing against her lower belly. She whimpered and arched against him, still held motionless by his hands. 

“Peeta,” she moaned, biting down on her bottom lip. She felt drugged with lust. She wanted to lose her mind. She wanted to surrender her body to his will completely.

“Come here,” he demanded, pulling her towards his bed where he laid her down on the edge. He kneeled in front of her on the floor, positioning himself between her spread legs. “You know what you do to me?” he asked, pushing the skimpy little sundress she had worn for the warm spring day up past her hips.

She fell back on her elbows so she could still watch him. He smiled at the sight of her pink cotton panties. He glanced up at her briefly, shooting her a crooked smirk before leaning down to press an open-mouthed kiss to the skin just above her panties.

“Peeta…what…” she lost her breath as he lowered his mouth to kiss her a little lower down, over her panties.

“I’m going to lick your pussy, Katniss,” Peeta explained to her simply, and the words were like an electric current shooting through her body. She felt the wetness gather between her legs instantly and she couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips. Surprisingly there was no embarrassment or hesitation about this, considering she had never done it before. Being with Peeta wiped all those doubts away. She knew she wanted this. She wanted it badly.

Peeta slipped his arms underneath her thighs, pulling her legs farther apart and forcing her to lean back farther so he had easier access to her most private area. “You’re so wet you soaked your panties,” Peeta said, before leaning down and putting his mouth directly over her clit, hot breath and eager lips rubbing against her dampened underwear. She squirmed in his grasp, eyes rolling back in her head. 

“Oh my god,” she whimpered.

Vaguely she realized the ripping noise she heard was the sound of Peeta tearing her underwear off. Still firmly in his grasp, she fidgeted a bit now that she was completely bare to him. She chanced a glance at him, but he was staring at where he had just rid her of her underwear, like he was under a trance.

“Fucking hell,” he hummed, wetting his lips before he leaned down to press teasing light kisses along her inner thighs.

“Peeta,” she begged him, her hands weaving through his blonde hair.

“What do you want, Katniss?” She could feel his smile against her skin.

“Lick me,” she pleaded.

“I can do that,” Peeta replied, and the next thing she knew his tongue was there, and oh god he felt incredible.

His tongue swirled up and down her folds before coming to circle her clit, flicking at the hardened nub and sucking it between his lips. She was writhing around on the bed like she was possessed, not even really aware anymore of the incoherent noises that were coming out of her mouth.

“Peeta, oh my god,” she whimpered, lifting her head to look down at him.

His eyes darted up to her face with his mouth still on her and she nearly came at the sight alone. “Tastes so good,” he hummed sucking her clit so hard that her back arched and she came with a shout.

As the ecstasy washed over her, she reached down to run her hands through his hair, shivering from the soft licks he was still teasing her with.

“I need you,” she whispered, reaching down to pull her dress up and over her head. She undid her bra and laid naked before him, watching as he stood up at the foot of his bed, staring down at her in awe.

The way he licked his lips and swallowed thickly as his eyes continued to roam every inch of her exposed body had her instantly wet and aching for him again. She watched in fascination as he started fumbling with the button of his jeans, pushing his pants and underwear to the floor in one quick motion. Then he was simultaneously kicking off his shoes and pulling his shirt off before moving to his bedside table to grab a condom.

Katniss turned to watch him sit back against his pillows. He was rolling the condom down over his throbbing erection.

“Come here,” Peeta whispered huskily, scooting down the bed a little further so his head was resting against the pillows.

Katniss crawled up the bed towards him, feeling drunk with lust and uninhibited after the way he had just ate her out. “I want you to ride me,” Peeta told her, his dark eyes fixed on her. She let her gaze travel down his toned, sculpted chest and flat stomach, stopping to linger on his hard, thick length, before taking in his strong, muscular thighs.

Letting her desire for him drive her, she sat up on her knees and moved to straddle his waist as his hands started to run up her thighs teasingly. She braced herself on his chest with one hand and used the other to guide his cock between her folds. They both sighed in pleasure as he entered her, and as she sank down onto his full length she moaned in bliss, her eyes drifting shut. This was the first time they attempted this position and the shivers shooting through her body told her she quite enjoyed it.

“Katniss.” Peeta’s husky voice forced her eyes back open, and she stared down at him in awe, her mouth hanging open dumbly.

“Fuck me,” Peeta gritted out, his jaw clenched. She could see the muscles straining in his neck as his grip on her hips tightened. “I want you to fuck me, Katniss.” 

The rush of her arousal at his words surprised her. She didn’t know why but the thought of him asking her to do that made her heady with power and lust. She loved knowing how much he wanted her, how he was completely under her spell. She felt that way all the time, so to see how that it was a mutual thing thrilled her. 

He must have been able to feel how wet he made her with that request, because when he looked up and locked eyes with her, she could see the satisfaction in his expression. “Hold me down,” he bit out, taking her hands and showing her how he wanted her to pin his arms to the bed. She compiled and started working her hips up and down and rocking back and forth on his cock, finding what she needed.

“God, yes, Katniss…”

Her hips were moving now with crazed urgency, riding him harder and faster than before. Her hands tightened on Peeta’s wrists and his hips bucked up into her in response. She cried out and locked eyes with him, realizing that he was getting off on her taking control. She leaned down to kiss him and the joining of their lips soothed her. If this is what Peeta wanted then she wanted to give it to him.

“I’m going to come,” she whimpered, her body locking up before her release washed over her.

“That’s it, baby.” She was vaguely aware that she had collapsed against Peeta’s chest and his hands had moved to wrap around her. He was still hard inside her, rocking his hips in a controlled rhythm as he rubbed her back and whispered into her ear. 

Using his chest to push herself up, she sat up, looking down at him with a sated smile. She was still in a daze of euphoria from her orgasm, but she wanted to watch him finish. “I’m going to make you come,” she told him, grabbing his hands and placing both of them on her breasts. He started to knead them with gentle urgency and her head dipped back in pleasure. “What do you want, Peeta?”

Peeta grunted as she started moving up and down his length faster. “Just like that,” he breathed, his head thrown back. “Take me deep.”

It didn’t take long after that; Katniss flexed her inner walls around him and he was crying out with his release almost immediately. She rolled off him, her legs aching from the workout she just put them through, collapsing back against the bed next to him with a pleased grin.

“Holy hell, Katniss,” Peeta sighed, rolling towards her and pulling her into his arms. He placed kisses along her cheeks and behind her ears, somehow stoking the flames of her desire despite what they had just shared. 

“I didn’t know it would be so good,” she hummed, burying her face against his neck as she stroked her hands up and down his back. 

Peeta laughed. “That wasn’t just good, Katniss, that was mind-blowing. That was the best sex of my life.”

She smiled at that, but couldn’t help but tense just a fraction at the reminder that Peeta had been with other girls before her. She wasn’t naïve; she had already known he was more experienced than her and it didn’t bother her at all. She knew that what happened before she met him really had no impact on their relationship. But a small part of her really disliked thinking about him with anyone else. What they shared between them when they were intimate felt so special and sacred that it hurt to imagine him experiencing anything similar with another girl.

Peeta must have felt her body’s subconscious reaction to his words, because he pulled back and used a finger to tilt her chin up, forcing her to look at him. “Katniss, everything before you means less than nothing to me. This is all that matters, you and me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

She offered him a small smile and leaned forward for a gentle kiss, grateful for his words of assurance.

“I want to tell you I love you, but it doesn’t feel like enough,” Peeta said, locking those blue eyes on her so she couldn’t look away.

Her mouth fell open as her heart started to slam against her chest. She felt the emotion build inside her and she felt the stinging behind her eyes.

“You can still say it,” she said through her tears that had started to fall.

He laughed, a big grin that made her so happy to see. “Katniss, I love you.” He leaned down to kiss her and when they finally broke away he added, “I still don’t think that does justice to how I feel about you, but it will have to do.” 

“I love you too,” she mumbled against his lips, kissing and hugging him, drowning in everything she felt for him.

She fell asleep curled in his arms, not knowing if she had ever felt so content in her life.

X 

She should have seen it coming.

Things between her and Peeta were good. So good.

She didn’t think she had ever been this happy. She knew she had never seen Peeta this happy before. There was a light to his eyes and an ease to his smile. It gave her butterflies every time she looked at him.

They were so wrapped up with one another that they let their guard down. 

They forgot their problems.

Forgot about the real world and the threat of that one person who could ruin everything. 

And then it all came crashing down around them.

They parked outside their apartment after a trip to the grocery store. They were in such a state of domestic bliss that they actually enjoyed food shopping together. Peeta was flirting with her. He was teasing her about something silly and irrelevant.

They were reaching into the trunk of Peeta’s car to grab their bags of food, Peeta’s hands tickling her side playfully and making her squirm, when they felt someone’s presence behind them.

“Hello, son...”

They both froze. The sense of dread and fear that hit Katniss was so intense she nearly choked. Slowly, she and Peeta turned to see his mother standing about ten feet behind them, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

That sight in itself was terrifying enough—the woman was evil incarnate and Katniss had only met her once—but what was even more disturbing was the tall, muscular, tattooed, bald man standing just behind her, his arms wrapped around Peeta’s mother’s waist.

She took several steps towards them with a sickly sweet smile and the man followed. Katniss could feel how Peeta had frozen up beside her. She couldn’t imagine the terror he was feeling in the moment. 

“We need to have a little chat,” his mother said, eyes locked on Peeta with a sadistic smile.

And then the muscular man reached out and grabbed Katniss, pulling her towards him with an arm around her neck.


	12. Chapter 12

It happened so fast.

In the blink of an eye she went from watching Peeta’s mother approach them with a feeling of sick dread—concerned as to how Peeta would react—to being placed in a chokehold by his mother’s scuzzy friend, the blade of a knife pressed to her throat.

Katniss’ back was flush against the bald man’s chest, and she was overwhelmed by the smell of booze and cigarettes coming off of him. She struggled for a moment, but then she felt him push the blade of the knife harder against her skin, and she yelped. Her hand reached up blindly to pull at the muscular arm he had around her neck, trying to loosen his grasp.

“Katniss!” The sound of agony in Peeta’s voice broke through to her, and she looked up and caught his gaze. He was frozen in place in absolute terror, watching the scene play out before him. He looked completely conflicted, torn between wanting to save her and not wanting to risk the bald man harming her if he made any sudden moves.

“Relax, sweetie,” his mother cooed in a sickly sweet tone, “we just wanted to give you a little motivation to talk, since you’ve been doing such a good job dodging me these past few months.”

Peeta paced back and forth anxiously, his hands moving restlessly at his sides as he struggled to keep it together. He hadn’t once looked at his mother, too worried about Katniss to take his eyes off of her for a single moment. “Don’t fucking do this. You want me; just leave her out of this. ” 

His mother laughed, a twisted, evil smile creeping across her face. “Jeez, honey, don’t freak out. She’s a nice piece of ass, I’ll give you that, but—”

“Let her go!” Peeta roared, his features contorting with fury. He was looking at his mother now like he wanted to rip her head off, and Katniss saw in that moment that he was completely capable of it. “I swear to God if you hurt her, I will fucking end you!”

His mother actually had the gall to laugh again, but when Peeta took a threatening step towards her, she immediately stepped back, raising her hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, alright,” she grumbled, clearly annoyed. “We’ll let her go, but you need to talk to me, okay?”

Peeta’s eyes had darted back to Katniss, watching anxiously as the bald man kept her in his grasp. She could feel the thug smelling her hair and she shivered in revulsion. “Sweet, this one,” he mumbled, making sure Peeta could hear him.

“Okay, just let her go!” Peeta screamed, agreeing to hear his mother out.

“Frank, let her go,” his mother told the bald man, who, with great reluctance, let his knife drop away, allowing Katniss to slip from his clutches.

The second she was free she rushed towards Peeta, throwing her arms around him. They clung to each other desperately. He was hugging her so tightly it was almost painful but she didn’t care; she didn’t want to ever leave the safety of his arms again.

“Are you okay?” he whispered into her ear. 

She could only nod shakily, pulling back just slightly, but staying tucked into his side as they turned to face the couple across from them.

“I knew you would turn out soft,” his mother said, rolling her eyes in disgust. “You’re weak and easy to hurt. Even more so if you care so much about a pair of tits.”

“Don’t talk about her like that!” Peeta snapped. Katniss could feel the fury still radiating off him in waves. She rubbed his chest soothingly, trying to calm him down and remind him she was safe in his arms. 

“Fine, we’ll discuss the business we came here for,” his mother replied, her face shifting into a mask of cold calculation.

“What do you want?” Peeta growled.

“I believe you just turned 26, didn’t you, honey?” She was back to using that fake, sugary tone. “And if I’m not mistaken, your father left you some money that you could access once you reached that age, did he not?”

Peeta scoffed, shaking his head in anger. “Are you kidding me? That’s what you’ve been after this whole time?” His arm around Katniss’ shoulder tightened, pulling her even closer to him. “You are out of your mind if you think I would ever give you a penny of that money.”

His mother cackled, throwing her head back in laughter. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. “Oh, I’m not stupid, darling. I don’t think you’d ever give me a cut of that money willingly, but I’m certain I could give you a little motivation to loosen those coin strings.”

She nodded her head to the bald man beside her who hadn’t stopped looking at Katniss since she fled his arms. “This is Frank, honey. And he has a very specific set of skills that I wont get into, but I’ll just say that he is very good at what he does.”

The sense of foreboding that came with her words chilled Katniss to the bone, and she clung to Peeta, completely terrified, hating how afraid she was, and hating how she could feel him shaking in her arms. 

His mother took a few steps closer to Katniss and Peeta, her eyes narrowing dangerously. “I want $100,000 by Saturday.” Her eyes slid over to look at Katniss carefully, a demented smile creeping across her face. “And before you think about refusing remember we know where you live. And we know where your sweetheart here goes to school. And we know just how deeply you care about her, Peeta. Wouldn’t it be a shame if something…happened to her?”

The look in Peeta’s mother’s eyes made Katniss sick. This woman was not messing around. She realized in this moment that his mother would have Katniss assaulted or beaten—or worse—in the blink of an eye without hesitation. Peeta must have realized it too, and he must have realized how helpless they both were in this situation, because no matter what precautions they took, no matter if they went to the police about this, there was no 100% guaranteeing her safety—especially if his mother was determined to get this money or to hurt Katniss in trying. 

Their silence seemed to be the confirmation his mother needed to know she had them right where she wanted them. She grinned crazily, and took a few steps back. “Great, glad we have an understanding then. I’ll be in touch by Saturday, Peeta.” 

And as quickly as the two shadowy figures appeared in the night, shattering Katniss and Peeta’s world as they knew it, they slunk away and disappeared without any further commotion, leaving the two of them standing there together, clinging to each other in fear and desperation.

X

They didn’t sleep easy that night. They clung to each other restlessly, drifting between sleep and consciousness until dawn came. Peeta called in sick to work and Katniss didn’t go to her only class. 

They huddled together, as if by being in one another’s arms, by constantly touching and kissing and caressing, they could ward off any potential dangers or threats. 

They were laying together on the couch in the living room, Katniss resting her head on Peeta’s chest as he stroked her hair.

“I’m going to give her the money.”

Katniss’ picked her head up off his chest and turned to look at him, face pinched together in protest. “What? No!”

“Katniss, I’m not going to take a risk with her coming after you!” He grabbed her closer as he spoke, his tone heavy with worry. “I refuse to let her hurt you!”

“Peeta, what’s to say she’ll even leave me—leave us—alone if you give it to her? What’s to say she won’t still try and hurt me, regardless?” She clung tighter to him, hitching her leg up around his waist and bunching his shirt in her fist. They were nearly trying to crawl inside each other, as if looking for a safe haven where they could be protected from this whole situation.

“Don’t you think I know that, that I’ve thought about that a million times?” Peeta sighed, looking defeated and tired and sad. He closed his eyes and continued rubbing her back soothingly. “I just don’t know what else to do, Katniss. I’d rather give her what she wants and hope she goes away than take the chance that she comes after you. You’re the only thing that matters to me in this world other than my brother. And I refuse to let her take you from me. She has already taken enough.”

Katniss could feel her heart tighten at his words, and she felt at a loss over what to say. She understood the predicament he was in, and she wasn’t sure what other options they had. But still, it made her feel sick to think about Peeta giving away the money his father had left him to that woman, just to protect Katniss.

“Whatever you end up doing I’ll support you,” she told him, tracing his cheek with the pad of her thumb. She leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. “But I don’t think you should give her that money. It just gives her power, without any guarantee that she’ll keep her word and leave us alone.” 

Before he could respond, the front door opened and Rye walked in, dropping his things on the floor behind him. “Can’t you two take that shit to one of your rooms?” he groaned jokingly, kicking off his shoes. “Bad enough I’ve heard shit through these walls I never want to hear again.” 

Peeta had decided to tell Rye about their mother showing up when he got back from class, since his brother had already been in bed by the time they got home last night. He and Katniss shared a wary look as they sat up together on the couch, knowing they had to tell him the bad news. 

“Come here a second; I got to tell you something,” Peeta called to Rye, who was in the kitchen searching the fridge for food.

“Uh oh,” Rye said, making his way back towards them on the couch while opening a bottle of water. “I’m not going to be an uncle now, am I?” 

Katniss felt her eyes bug out of her head, her heart stopping at Rye’s remark. 

“Don’t be a smart ass,” Peeta scolded Rye as he took a seat across from them. 

Peeta reached over and squeezed Katniss’ hand reassuringly. She smiled weakly at him in response, and he smirked at the terrified look she knew was on her face. He wrapped an arm around her and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Don’t worry, we won’t start having kids for a while.”

Rye burst out laughing at Katniss’ reaction. “Chill out, Katniss, you make it too easy to tease you. My brother is very responsible anyway. He’ll make sure you have a ring on your finger before that happens.” Rye grinned at her and Katniss realized that even though she was the butt of the joke, she was thankful for this moment of reprieve before they had to tell Rye what had happened with his mother. It eased the tension, if only for a second.

“So…something happened last night,” Peeta began, redirecting the conversation towards what they needed to talk about.

Peeta explained to Rye how their mother had reappeared last night and threatened Katniss, asking for the money they had inherited from their father. Katniss watched as Rye’s face paled, his eyes filling with fear as he struggled to maintain his composure. When Peeta finished, he was completely speechless at first, which was such a rarity for Rye it only emphasized the severity of the situation. 

“What…” Rye’s voice trailed off and Katniss watched as he swallowed thickly before continuing, “what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet,” Peeta admitted. 

“Fuck, how did she find out about that money?” Rye asked.

“No fucking clue,” Peeta sighed. 

Rye looked over at Katniss and offered her a weak smile. “Sorry you have to get mixed up in all this crazy shit, Katniss.”

She shook her head at him. “It’s neither of your guys’ faults and you have nothing to apologize for. If having you both in my life means I have to deal with her, then it’s more than worth it.” 

Peeta reached out and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. “You won’t have to deal with her, okay? I promise you that.”

“This is bullshit,” Rye huffed angrily. “She’s coming after you because you’re older and you have access to your money now and I don’t.” He ran his hands over his face, clearly frustrated. “As if I didn’t already feel fucking guilty enough for all the shit she’s put you through…”

“Stop.” Peeta admonished him. 

“You can’t fucking give her that money!” Rye yelled. “You can’t keep protecting me when it comes to her!”

“It’s not just about you anymore,” Peeta replied calmly. “I’m protecting Katniss. She didn’t do anything to deserve this.” 

Katniss had to bite her tongue from saying anything at the moment, not wanting to get in between the conversation between the two brothers. 

Rye shook his head in response. “If you give her that money, she has you right where she wants you. She’ll know she can get to you now. She’s left us alone all these past years because you stood up to her and made her let us go, but if you give her that money, she’ll just keep coming back for more.”

Peeta didn’t respond, and Rye didn’t seem like he had much else to say either. After a moment, he stood up and sighed, looking down at his brother dejectedly.

“I’m going to Madge’s, we can talk later. Please promise me we’ll talk about this again before you decide anything.”

Peeta nodded his head in agreement and Rye walked away.

Katniss curled against Peeta, wanting to comfort him. They were quiet for a while and Katniss hoped that Peeta was at least considering what Rye had said about not giving in to their mother’s demands, because she had agreed with every word.

X

On Thursday night—two days before Peeta’s mother said she wanted the money by—Peeta and Katniss were in her room, lying on her bed together. He was absentmindedly stroking her back as he stared up at the ceiling and she was drawing patterns on his t-shirt-clad chest with her fingers. They were both quiet, their minds filled with worries about what the next 48 hours would bring.

“What are you thinking?” Katniss whispered.

Peeta exhaled, tightening his grip around her shoulders. “I’m so tired, Katniss. I just want to be done with all this. I want her to go away and never bother us again.”

She propped her chin on his chest and looked up at him. “Are you going to give her the money then?”

He didn’t answer for a moment and she could feel the anxiety and tension start to build around them. 

“I don’t see any another way.”

Katniss closed her eyes in frustration, hating the knot forming in her chest at the thought of that woman taking from Peeta what was his through fear and threats. She wanted to be supportive, but it made Katniss sick to her stomach to think she was partly the reason that he was giving in.

“There has to be though,” she pleaded. “We could go to the cops, something…”

“What could they do, Katniss? It’s our word against hers. And trust me, she knows how to avoid the authorities if she wants to.” She could hear the resentment and loathing in his voice. 

“I hate this,” she protested, her voice thick with emotion. “I don’t want you to make this decision to protect me.”

“Katniss, it has to be this way,” Peeta told her, his voice firm. She could tell he was just as upset about all this as she was. “I won’t risk it, not when it comes to you. And not when it comes to her. I know all too well what she’s capable of.”

Katniss squeezed her eyes shut, and felt the anguish roll over her. She clung to him tightly and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin of his neck. She took several deep breaths and pushed her fear away. “Tell me,” she said quietly. “Tell me what she did to you.”

She could feel him tense initially, but when she clung to him tighter and rained kisses against his chest, he slowly started to relax. She swung her leg over his hip so she was straddling his waist, and pressed against his chest, burying her head into the crook of his neck. They were fitted against each other everywhere, and she could feel the rhythm of his breath and the beat of his heart beneath her.

“It’s okay,” she told him soothingly. “It’s okay. I’m here now. It’s over.”

She held her breath in the time it took for him to answer, and when he did, his words came in rushed gasps of air, like he was forcing the words out, purging them from his soul. 

“She would beat the shit out me for fun or have her boyfriend do it. She did it all the time, Katniss. I had to go to the hospital once with internal bleeding. I can’t remember how many bones she broke. She got off on it.” 

Katniss felt her throat close up, forcing herself to keep it together and not cry. She needed to be strong for Peeta right now.

“She’d make me cook for them and then push me into the stove so I’d burn myself. She would make me take drugs cause she got off on seeing how fucked up they got me.”

Katniss felt each word like a physical blow, trying her hardest not to cringe as he spoke, and to be brave for him instead. She held on to him, and his own grip on her tightened, like if they didn’t have a strong enough hold on each other the shock and weight of his confession would shatter them both. 

She kissed his neck and stroked his cheek as he struggled for breath, silent sobs breaking past his lips.

“Sometimes she would…she would…” He seemed to be struggling the most with this admission, the words getting caught in his throat and choking him as he tried to speak. Katniss realized in that moment that he had probably never actually said the words out loud and articulated exactly what his mother had done to him, keeping it all locked up inside for so many years as he dealt with his pain on his own, and focused on protecting Rye.

“She’d let her friends use me. Sometimes just because, sometimes to pay for drugs. She’d make me leave my door open and they would come in the middle of the night. It only happened a few times…”

Katniss had to fight the bile rising in her throat, squeezing her eyes so tight, pushing away the image of a terrified 14- or 15-year-old Peeta lying in bed alone and having a stranger sneak into his room at night to abuse him. She wanted to cry and scream. She wanted to find his mother and rip her to pieces. The thought that his mother could do this to her own flesh and blood, that she could allow this to be done to him, made Katniss feel sick. And he had done it all to protect his younger brother, to ensure that Rye never endured the same fate that he had suffered.

It only happened a few times…

Katniss hated those words. It was as if he was trying to make it seem not so bad—maybe to make himself feel better—but the fact that it had even happened once was awful enough. 

“It’s not your fault,” Katniss choked out when she had swallowed past the emotion in her throat, tears silently streaking down her cheeks. “Do you hear me? She is a monster. And the fact you made it through that and still turned out to be such an amazing person just shows how strong you are. I love you, okay?”

Peeta wrapped her arms around her and hugged her so tightly she couldn’t breathe for a moment, but she didn’t care. She would give up all her breaths if it meant easing the pain he must be feeling in any small way. “I love you,” she repeated, pulling back to press a bruising kiss to his lips. “I love you,” she chanted as he started to tug her shirt over her head. 

Suddenly their movements were frantic and desperate, his boxers pushed down just enough to free his cock and her underwear pushed down past her knees. She lowered herself onto him before she could think twice, and the way his eyes went wide and his mouth gaped open in pleasure made it worth it. They had never been together like this without that final barrier, and she shivered at how intimate and good it felt. She couldn’t care less in the moment about the risks because she knew that she loved Peeta above everything else, and she wanted to be as close as physically possible to him after what he had just told her. 

Slowly she rocked her hips up and down over his cock, tightening around him. He groaned like he was in agony and threw his head back, mumbling her name as his grip on her hips tightened.

“Holy shit, you feel so good,” Peeta gasped, bringing his gaze back to hers. His eyes were wild and wide, and she could tell how hard he was struggling to hold on. She grabbed his hands and brought them up to her breasts, covering them as he started to knead and squeeze the soft mounds of flesh.

“Peeta…” she whimpered, rocking her hips against his pubic bone now, searching for friction for her clit. He dipped one hand below to her parted thighs and rubbed her in slow, tight circles until she shattered around him. 

She collapsed against his chest and felt him flip her onto her back while he was still inside her. He kissed her everywhere, pumping into her with a few urgent, hard thrusts before pulling out. He took himself in his hand and looked into her eyes as he spilled himself onto her stomach. 

She was sleepy and sated and only vaguely aware of Peeta getting off the bed for a moment before he returned to clean her with a warm washcloth. Then he slid into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms as he pulled the covers over them.

“I’m going to marry you one day.” Peeta whispered the words in her ear, and while it made her heart beat faster, it didn’t scare her like she thought it might. If anything she felt a sense of calm and peace at the idea of spending forever with him.

“Okay,” she smiled against his chest.

“You’ll allow it?” He asked, amusement clear in his voice.

“I’ll allow it,” she conceded, pulling back to look at him. 

He smiled at her, but then his expression turned serious, his gaze roaming all over her face as he contemplated something. “I know giving her this money isn’t the ideal way, but the only thing I care about is protecting you and making sure she never comes back.”

Katniss still hated the idea of Peeta giving into this woman, her fury only magnified now that she knew the details of just what his mother had done to her son. She felt something cold harden in her stomach. “Will you consider another option though, if it could make her leave us alone and not require you to give her anything?”

Peeta’s eyebrows came together in confusion. “Yeah, of course, I just don’t know—”

Katniss cut him off with a firm kiss. “We’ll figure it out.”

He nodded silently and kissed her again. “You’re right. We will.”

She rested her head against his chest and relaxed into his arms. “Will you tell me about your dad? When did he pass away? It seems like you loved him a lot.”

“I did,” he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “I do.”

Katniss curled up against Peeta as he told her about how his dad had passed away when he was twelve years old, having been divorced from his mother for a few years already at that point. He told her about his father’s bakery and how every memory he had of the older man involved laughing or baking or doing something that made him smile. Mostly what he remembered from that time was that the weeks he spent with his father were heaven and he dreaded the few days he had to stay at his mother’s place. 

Katniss listened to the comforting sound of his voice replaying happier moments from his childhood with a smile on her face, until he was finished and his breathing grew deeper and they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

X

On Friday night, Peeta got a message from his mother about where she wanted to meet him the following day to collect the money. Katniss was still scrambling to find a way out of the whole thing, and Peeta and Rye were butting heads over how to handle the situation.

By Saturday morning, Peeta had told both Katniss and Rye he was going to give her the money and that was his final decision. Rye and Katniss shared their frustration, but ultimately realized they couldn’t do anything about it, as it was Peeta’s inheritance and it was his decision to make.

Peeta told them that he’d be going by himself to give it to her, and while Rye protested initially, he didn’t put up too much of a fight—probably relieved at not having to face the woman he had just so recently learned was a complete and total monster. 

Katniss, however, refused to go along with that plan so easily. She couldn’t handle the idea of Peeta facing that woman by himself, and it absolutely terrified her to think of something happening to him when she wasn’t there at his side. She begged and pleaded and eventually persuaded him to let her accompany him, promising she wouldn’t say anything and would only be there for moral support.

At least, that’s what she told him.

When they pulled up to the parking lot of the dive bar that Peeta’s mother had deemed as the meeting place, Peeta turned off the car and stared out through the window. It was raining, and the water coming down on the windshield reflected the doom-and-gloom feeling of the day.

Katniss reached over and grabbed Peeta’s hand, lifting it to her lips and kissing the back of it.

“Just think,” she told him, trying to inject some cheer into her voice, “this is the last time you’ll ever have to see her.”

He barely managed a weak smile at that, and she could practically read his mind, knowing that he was thinking—fearing—that this wouldn’t be the end of his mother, that she would continue to terrorize them for the foreseeable future.

Which is exactly why Katniss refused to take this lying down and let his mother get away with this. She just hoped that everything worked out the way it needed to.

“I’m sorry,” Peeta whispered, leaning his head on his hand that was propped up on the car door. “I wish you never had to deal with this. I promise you I won’t let her hurt you though—no matter what happens in there.”

“Hey,” she reached out and pulled his chin towards he so he was forced to look at her. “No apologies, okay? I will tell you a thousand times if that is what it takes for you to get it: none of this is your fault. I love you.”

The small, sweet smile that came over his face warmed her to the core and they both leaned forward simultaneously to share a kiss that was equal parts tender and comforting.

“Come on,” Katniss whispered when they broke away. “Let’s get this over with.”

They exited the car and rushed towards the bar together, hand in hand, avoiding the worst of the rain. When they got inside it became clear why his mother had picked this place. It was nearly deserted and the few patrons inside were lost to drink at the bar or preoccupied with a game of pool in the corner.

“Over here,” Peeta said, leading her towards a booth across the way. 

She slid in beside him and he automatically wrapped his arm around her shoulders, rubbing his hand up and down her arm, trying to warm her up from the chill outside. He pressed a kiss to her temple and sighed. “When this is all over and we get home I just want to spend the rest of the day with you in bed.”

“That sounds nice,” Katniss smiled. “We can make hot chocolate and watch a movie and just sleep.” She leaned into his arms, feeling herself relax just a little bit. It was nice to have this calming her nerves, before things blew up.

“Hmm…I can think of a few other things I want to do with you in bed besides sleep,” Peeta hummed in her ear, causing her to shiver in response.

She turned and leaned in to kiss him softly, needing his touch and the gentle reassurance to get her through what was to come. She pulled back and rested her forehead against his, when a cold, sadistic voice cut through the intimacy of their moment.

“Well isn’t this just fucking adorable.”

Katniss cringed as she and Peeta turned to see his mother approach their table at the bar. She slid along the bench across from them, and luckily she was alone this time.

“Alright, let’s make this quick, kids. I’d love to stay and chat, but I really need to hit the road. I’ve been staying in one place too long for a while now as it is, trying to pin you down, Peeta.”

Katniss reached over under the table and squeezed Peeta’s hands for reassurance, his grip tightening in hers as the callous woman across from them spoke.

“Do you have the money?”

Peeta reached into his pocket with his free hand, and Katniss took the opportunity to pull her own cellphone out, discreetly placing it on the table out of sight, behind the cocktail menu, while his mother was distracted.

Peeta placed a piece of paper on the table and his mother snatched it up, her eyes scanning it quickly. 

“It’s a cashier check,” Peeta explained, his eyes not quite meeting his mother’s. “Now go, please. Leave us alone. Keep your promise.”

His mother looked up at him and smiled, a look so void of any human compassion or any emotion in her eyes it gave Katniss the chills. “I’ll leave,” his mother smiled. “But I can’t promise you I won’t be back. I know Rye will be 26 in a couple years, and I know that bastard father of yours left him his own share too.”

Katniss felt Peeta tense beside her, and she squeezed his hand quickly to keep him quiet. “How can you do this to your own children?” Katniss asked, looking at his mother in disgust.

The woman scoffed at her, shaking her head as she folded up the check and slipped it into her bra. “Because I do whatever the fuck I want and I want this money. That worthless father of theirs set it aside for them thinking he could keep it out of my hands but I knew it wouldn’t take much to break Peeta, he was always the weak one.” His mother’s eyes were cold and dead, and the look of contempt on her face was frightening. “And I barely had to lift a finger to get it too,” she laughed. “Maybe someone less pathetic would have been a little harder to coerce, but he came through in the end, didn’t you honey?” She added, turning to face Peeta with a sneer. “Thanks to you sweetie, I can use this check to get me through the next couple years at least.” 

“That check won’t work,” Katniss blurted out, causing both Peeta and his mother turned to look at her in confusion. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” his mother hissed at Katniss, narrowing her eyes and looking back and forth between the two of them.

“I cleaned out his account yesterday and transferred it to a secure deposit. It can’t be tapped for another ten years.” She could feel Peeta gaping at her in shock, but she simply squeezed his hand again and prayed he’d keep quiet. 

“Now why the fuck would you do that?” his mother growled. “Did you think I was fucking around when I threatened you the other night?”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Katniss told her, hoping her voice wasn’t shaking. “But that’s not your money. You can’t just blackmail your son into giving up his inheritance. Especially after everything you’ve already done to him.”

“You little bitch,” his mother snapped. “Don’t fucking tell me what to do. I knew Peeta would cave and give it up. I see the way he looks at you,” she added, with a derisive little laugh. “I knew all it would take was one mention of a hair on your head being harmed and he’d be tripping over himself to hand me that money.”

Katniss kept silent, her eyes locked on the woman across from them, waiting for her to continue.

“I didn’t even know that man who was with me the other night. He was some meth head I met at the bar who I gave 20 dollars to help scare the shit out of you two. It was almost too easy.”

Katniss shook her head in relief that there was no professional hit man out there ready to track her down if this didn’t go the way Peeta’s mother wanted it to. 

“Katniss…” Peeta finally spoke up, causing her to turn her attention to the man beside her. She saw the confusion and concern on his face now that she had completely thrown a wrench into his plans. 

“You were always so fucking weak,” his mother sneered at him in disgust. “Look at you…just sitting there while your girl does all the talking.”

Katniss watched Peeta cringe, as if each word his mother threw at him hit him like a physical assault. She implored Peeta to trust her with a single look and then turned back to the woman across from her.

“Oh I don’t know, you’ve done your fair share of talking yourself,” Katniss explained, reaching for her cell phone. “And funny enough it was all being recorded right here. Now tell me if I’m wrong, but I do believe extortion is a crime? And so is child and drug abuse.” 

Katniss watched in satisfaction as realization dawned on Peeta’s mother, her eyes going wide with fury and disbelief. Katniss touched a few buttons on her phone, trying to ignore the way she was shaking from adrenaline, and smiled back at the woman. “And the audio file was just emailed to the local authorities, as well as my favorite uncle, Haymitch. He works for the Feds. And I’m just taking a wild guess here, but I’m going to assume that you’ve had some run-ins with the law before? They would probably love to finally track you down after all these years. They did just get another charge to go after you for.” 

Katniss had never seen someone look so completely unhinged. She had to work not to shrink back in fear as Peeta’s mother let out a cry of fury and frustration, slamming her hands down on the table.

“I’d hit the road if I were you,” Katniss said, not willing to let her guard down until this woman had disappeared. “The cops had plenty of advanced warning about this—they were just waiting for the recording. They should be here any minute.”

“Fucking bitch!” his mother screamed, reaching out and knocking over the glasses and other items on the table in rage. She didn’t even have time for any parting comments—she simply fled and headed for the door without a look back.

Only when she was gone did Katniss finally release a breath, slumping back against the seat, her stomach churning, her adrenaline pumping, waiting for Peeta to say something—anything.


	13. Chapter 13

One Month Later…

Katniss looked around her now barren room. She couldn’t believe it was only four months ago when she had first moved in here. She couldn’t believe how much had happened in such a short amount of time, how much her life had changed. 

She felt wistful for a moment, remembering that first night in her new room. 

But now things would never be the same.

When she felt two solid, strong arms wrap around her waist, she relaxed back against the warm chest she knew so well. 

Peeta pressed a kiss to her neck and she sighed happily. 

“You having second thoughts about moving in to my room with me?”

Katniss shook her head at the question. Even though she could tell he was aiming for a playful tone, she knew Peeta well enough to sense the underlying doubt he was voicing by asking her that.

She turned in his arms, linking her hands around his neck and kissing him softly. “Never,” she assured him when they broke away. “Are you sure you’re not rethinking me taking over your personal space and hogging the covers?”

Peeta smiled that crooked grin that made her stomach flip. “I love when you hog the covers,” he replied. “It just gives me an excuse to get that much closer to you in bed.” 

She shook her head at him with a little laugh and relaxed into his arms, savoring the feeling of being held by him. Not a day had gone by where she didn’t revel in his touch and appreciate how lucky she was to have him. They had to overcome a lot to even be together, and then they had to overcome the challenges life had thrown at them, but it was worth it in the end. 

When Peeta’s mother had walked out of that bar a month ago, after Katniss had told her that she had recorded her threats and extortions and that Peeta’s check would never clear, there was a moment where she didn’t really know if Peeta would yell at her or thank her. She had taken such a huge risk doing all of that without telling him. She had bluffed her way through most of that conversation—the cops weren’t waiting to show up at the bar and bust his mother, but she had sent the recording to her Uncle Haymitch—and it had done the trick apparently.

They hadn’t heard from his mother since, and neither of them expected to. His mother would always put herself first, and making sure she stayed in the clear and away from the authorities would always be her first priority.

Katniss remembered waiting for Peeta to say something for what felt like forever. He had been so quiet that her stomach had turned itself in knots and she was more scared of what his reaction would be than whether his mother would come back and make good on her threats.

Finally, he had turned to look at her with a mix of shock and confusion. 

“Does your uncle really work for the Feds?” 

The question had been the last thing she was expecting, but suddenly she was rambling non-stop in her haste to answer him. She told him she had contacted her uncle Haymitch about the whole situation and he had advised her how best to handle it. She had explained how the recording they got would be like insurance from his mother ever pulling something like this again. She had apologized for not telling him and for doing it without his permission.

By the end she had been a mess of tears, pleading for him to understand and to forgive her when he had not said a single word through her entire explanation.

Finally Peeta’s expression had shifted into one of awe and he shook his head at her a little ruefully. “I can’t believe you did all that for me.” He had wiped away her tears and kissed her gently. “No one has ever done something like that for me, Katniss. No one has ever cared that much.”

Then she had grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, making sure he understood what she was about to say. “I would do anything for you, okay? Anything.” 

Things had been good since then; not perfect, but definitely good. Peeta still had his occasional nightmares and sometimes she looked over her shoulder more than once, in fear that his mother would reappear in their life, but overall they were happy and together.

And now they were taking a step forward in their relationship by moving into the same room. 

“Do we have to go out tonight?” Peeta asked, his hands trailing down her back until they reached her behind, squeezing purposefully. “I can think of plenty of other things I’d rather do with you in our new bedroom.”

She tilted her head back to grant his lips easier access to her neck, which he was currently showering with kisses. When he squeezed her ass again she pushed her hips into him, feeling that throbbing urgency between her legs.

“We promised Rye and Madge we would go on a double date with them,” she whispered, her eyes closed and completely lost to his touch. 

“We have time before we have to get ready,” Peeta cajoled her, lifting her up into his arms as her legs snaked around his waist.

“Mmm…we could save time by showering together,” she added between kisses as he walked them back to their shared bedroom. 

“I like the way you think,” he smiled against her neck once they were in the hallway.

“Oh gross! Come on you two, keep it in your pants!”

They were broken from their moment by the sound of Rye’s obnoxious voice yelling at them from down the hall. Peeta paused and turned to see Rye standing there with a self-satisfied smirk, his arm thrown over Madge’s shoulder. 

Katniss saw her friend grin at her, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “We’re ready to go whenever you guys are,” Madge said earnestly. “And I’m freaking starving, so the sooner the better.

Katniss had to bite back a laugh when she saw that Peeta looked like he wanted to throttle the pair of them. 

“Give us a minute to get ready,” Katniss laughed, feeling that Peeta might need more than a minute, based on his straining hard-on that was pressing into her. He grunted his displeasure and she kissed his cheek sweetly.

“Alright, but hurry up. No funny business,” Rye scolded them.

Later, when the four of them sat down together at dinner she realized how incredibly grateful was that when she and Peeta fell in love, his relationship with his brother hadn’t suffered and she could still call Rye a friend with no lingering awkwardness.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to thank you for letting me move in at the beginning of the semester,” she told Rye, when Madge was in the bathroom and Peeta was handling the bill. 

“Yeah, who would have thought it would have worked out as well as it did,” he mused. “I fell for your best friend. You fell for my brother. And you and I are still friends. It’s doesn’t always work out that easily.”

“I think it speaks to how mature you’ve become,” she replied, in a tone of false superiority.

He picked an olive off their remaining pizza and flung it at her. “Not that mature,” he laughed. 

X

Somehow her senior year came to a close, and when she walked across the stage to receive her diploma she looked out into the crowd, searching for Peeta. She thought about how it didn’t seem like the end of anything. It felt like just the beginning. Rye, Madge, Johanna, and Annie sat beside her during the commencement address, and then they all trudged through the crowds together to meet up with their families when it was finished.

When she introduced her mother and sister to Peeta for the first time, she had that nervous knot in her stomach that came from the most important people in her life coming together for the first time. She knew what she had with Peeta was for the long term; so to see the way he instantly clicked with Prim and charmed her mother made her almost giddy.

Her mom and Prim didn’t stay in town for long. Her mother still worked at the hospital back home and Prim was at school on the other side of the country, but Katniss was glad for the time she had with them to celebrate her graduation and introduce them to Peeta. 

Her birthday was a week after graduation and Peeta planned to cook her an elaborate meal that they could share over candlelight in the apartment alone. He told her he had warned Rye he needed to stay the weekend at Madge’s if he didn’t want to hear Katniss screaming Peeta’s name all night.

“He asked me how that was different from any other night,” Peeta grinned cheekily when he recounted the anecdote to Katniss, moving around the kitchen while making her birthday dinner.

Katniss could feel the blush crawl up her face and she ducked her head, biting back a smile. “That’s embarrassing,” she complained. She was still growing used to being intimate with Peeta. It was weird to think of his brother—her friend—overhearing the noises she and Peeta made together at night. 

“I told him this was going to be special. It’s your birthday, so I plan on being very…generous.” Peeta locked eyes with her and she felt her heart speed up in her chest and her underwear grow damp at everything that look he gave her suggested. 

After a moment, the serious look faded from Peeta’s face and he smiled at her like she was the sun. “I love that I can make you blush like that,” he laughed, turning back to his preparations for dinner. 

“I’m still new to…this,” Katniss replied, hating how awkward and inexperienced she felt in the moment. She wished she could be cool and confident and sexy, but so much of what she was feeling with Peeta was completely new to her. “I’m not experienced like you,” she added in huff, feeling oddly defensive. She didn’t stop to think about what she had just said until Peeta was quiet for a moment, not responding.

It hit her like a punch to the gut how her last comment could be taken in a negative way and she mentally kicked herself for not being more sensitive and careful. Especially with what she had learned about the kind of horrible abuse his mother inflicted on him.

“Oh god, Peeta, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” She quickly tried to make amends, jumping off her stool at the counter and moving across the kitchen towards him.

He sighed and turned towards her, opening his arms so she could fold herself into his embrace without hesitation. “I know,” he mumbled into her hair, kissing her head. “But I am more experienced, Katniss. When Rye and I finally got away from our mother, there was a time there that I was just looking for a warm body at night and I wasn’t very particular about who it was.”

She had to work to immediately push down the anger and jealousy and mix of a bunch of other different emotions that rose up in her at Peeta’s confession. She reminded herself that the way he chose to cope with the damage his mother did to him was none of her business and it wasn’t her place to be upset about it. He was hers now and nothing else mattered.

“I don’t care,” she told him when she pulled back to look up at him. “Nothing that happened before you and me matters very much. Maybe it’s stupid and naïve, but that’s how I feel. All I care about is now. You and me and the future.”

He leaned down to kiss her and what started as a gentle kiss quickly turned passionate, so when they broke apart they were both breathing hard. “I have to finish dinner,” Peeta admonished her, as if it was her fault for distracting him.

“I’ll be good,” she laughed, moving away so he could tend to what he needed to.

They ate dinner by candlelight in the living room like he promised and it was so good Katniss practically stuffed herself, voicing her praise between bites. Then they were on the couch, making out like teenagers, Peeta kneading her breasts and rocking his hips into her, until they were both panting with lust.

“I keep thinking Rye is going to come home and yell at us,” Katniss laughed between kisses, trailing her hands through the ends of Peeta’s hair. 

“Don’t be thinking about my brother at a time like this,” Peeta scolded her, pushing her dress up past her hips and tugging her underwear down.

“Definitely not thinking about him right now,” she sighed as Peeta moved to the floor in front of the couch, dipping his head between her legs.

He started planting kisses along her inner thighs and she squirmed, rocking her hips in a desperate plea for him to put his mouth where she needed it.’’

“Happy Birthday,” Peeta whispered against her skin before his tongue licked the length of her folds slowly and thoroughly.

“Fuck!” she cried out as he slid two fingers inside her and wrapped his mouth around her clit. She grabbed his hair with her hand, tugging at it hard at the same time that she jutted her hips against his face, begging for more.

“So fucking wet,” Peeta hummed against her as his thumb started to circle her clit with hard little circles. He continued stroking his fingers inside her. “Come for me,” he said, licking her again and again until she screamed in ecstasy.

She barely had time to come down from her high. Peeta had pushed his pants to the floor and hooked his arms around her knees, holding her legs splayed apart for him as he sunk inside her. 

“God you feel so good,” he panted, staying still inside her, letting them both revel in the feeling of their bodies being joined, his cock as deep as he could get. He circled his hips as he pulled back and she shivered at the overwhelming pleasure.

She dug her nails into the skin of his back and tilted her head back against the couch. “Fuck me hard,” she pleaded, her chest heaving as she waited for him to give her what she wanted. “Fuck me, Peeta.”

He slammed into her, almost brutally, and she cried out in surprise. “Like that?” he panted. “You want it like that?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” she chanted as he began a punishing rhythm that had her tensing as she neared her climax even quicker than before.

“Fuck, I love you,” he grunted, his hips slapping against hers relentlessly. “I love your tight little pussy. I love how you take me so deep. I love how you let me fuck you hard and rough.”

She shattered into pure sensation as his words washed over her, the pleasure nearly too much to endure. He didn’t slow his pace as he felt her tense around him and his hips sped up as he neared his own release.

She was nearly sobbing as she felt him explode inside of her. He collapsed against her and then fell onto the couch, pulling her with him so their bodies were still joined. 

They clung to each other for the longest time without saying anything. The sweat dried on their skin and their heartbeats returned to normal. He ran a hand over her hair and she propped her head on his chest to look at him.

“Thank you. This was easily my best birthday ever.”

“I went to spend every single one of your birthdays with you,” he said, gazing at her adoringly. 

“I’ll allow it,” she grinned at him, wondering how she ever ended up so lucky to have someone as good and perfect as Peeta in her life.

He might have felt that she brought him out of his own dark past, but she knew she was not the same person she had been when she met him. He had changed her for the better and she would be forever grateful. She would never forget what he had done for her. She had meant it when she said that nothing else mattered before she met him. 

When they met and fell in love was when her life really began. 

X

Katniss was having a good dream.

Peeta was there and he was smiling at her like he always did, like she was the sun and the moon and the stars. There were also children there, a dancing girl with long dark hair and a chubby toddler with blonde curls. Katniss had the most indescribable feeling of peace and happiness, and while the details of the dream were hazy she knew she never wanted to wake up.

But something did pull her from her slumber.

She came to in the bed she now shared with Peeta without his warm body curled around her own, like she had grown so accustomed to. Instead, he was sitting up at the edge of the bed, gripping the sheets tightly in clenched fists. Tension was pouring off him in waves.

Instantly Katniss became more alert, recognizing the signs of Peeta post-nightmare. He had been having them less frequently in the recent months, but they were clearly something that would never just go away entirely.

She sat up in bed and watched him carefully. “Peeta…” she whispered timidly, afraid to upset him even further.

“Go back to bed,” he choked out in a voice that was not his own.

Katniss felt her stomach drop and her chest tighten with worry and fear. She hated seeing him this upset. “Peeta,” she tried again, scooting closer to him on the bed and reaching out to touch his back with her hand.

He jumped up off the bed like she had burned him, and walked toward the door of the room, pulling it open and stalking across the hall towards their bathroom. 

She sat there in stunned silence for a moment, shocked that he had reacted like that. Peeta always let her comfort him after a nightmare. It was what had brought them closer together in the first place when their relationship was first starting out.

She forced herself to push away the feelings of hurt and anger over his dismissal, reminding herself that Peeta would never want to hurt her. If he was acting a certain way, it had less to do with her and more to do with himself and the things he was dealing with. 

Swallowing her pride, she threw the covers off and got up out of bed to follow him across the hall to the bathroom. She came to stand in the hallway right outside the bathroom, where Peeta was splashing water on his face and staring into the mirror. 

For a long time he wouldn’t look at her, and so she simply stood there with her arms crossed in front of her chest, waiting for him to say something. Finally he walked out of the bathroom and stood across from her in the hallway, his face somber.

She took a shaky breath and stepped closer to him, reaching up to rest a hand on his chest. “This is the exact spot we met,” she whispered.

She must have caught him off guard with that statement, because a crooked smile flitted across his face before he could help it. “I remember,” he acknowledged.

“You were in your underwear and a tank top,” she said with a little smirk.

He shot her a half-smile and reached out to grab her hips as she moved even closer to him. He sighed as she gazed up at him, her eyes full of questions.

“Tell me,” she urged him gently and quietly, hating to see him in this state.

“I had a dream…” he paused, as if to gather himself to say the next part. “I had a dream and she was screaming at me and hitting me…the usual.” He closed his eyes tightly, and when he opened them and looked at her they were full of so much pain she felt her heart squeeze in response. “And then suddenly I was her…and I was the one hurting my kids…our kids…”

Katniss covered her mouth with her hand, forcing herself to hold back tears. The complete anguish and misery in Peeta’s voice and eyes as he related the worst nightmare he had ever had nearly undid her. Of course this would hit him harder than any other night terror before. This wasn’t only his pain he had to relive; this was imagining his unborn children enduring the same torture he had experienced—and at his own hands. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and forced him to look at her. “Peeta, no,” she gasped out, needing him to hear and accept what she was telling him. “It was a horrible nightmare, nothing else. You would never, and could never do that. You are an amazing man. You’re full of so much love and kindness and patience. You are going to be a wonderful father.” She peppered kisses across his lips and cheek and jaw, and he stood there with his arms wrapped around her and his eyes closed as he tried to slow his breathing and get control of his emotions.

“But she’s a part of me, Katniss. I have some of her inside me. What if something happens, what if I do something…” his voice cracked and it nearly undid her. 

“Stop,” she commanded him. “Don’t think like that. It’s not possible, Peeta. I know you. I know your heart. I know how deeply you love and how much you care. It was just a nightmare. Don’t let her win. We beat her. She doesn’t get to ruin this for us, our future.” Without realizing it, she was crying and looking up at Peeta desperately, framing her face in her hands and pulling him towards her.

They shared a gentle, slow kiss that was full of all the love they shared for each other and the pain from what they had been through. “We’re going to have two kids,” she said when they broke away, resting their foreheads against each other. “A little girl with dark hair and blue eyes,” she told him, the details of her own dream coming back to her now. “And then a little boy with blonde hair and grey eyes. And you are going to be the best father in the world. You are going to spoil them rotten and love them so deeply and give them the childhood you never had.”

Peeta’s hands lifted to tangle in her hair, pulling her mouth back to him as they kissed again deeply, their tongues intertwining and their bodies pressing against one another. In one swift motion, he lifted her off her feet and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He turned and pressed her so her back was against the wall, his lips trailing down her neck.

“I love you,” he told her, breathless and urgent. “I love you so damn much.”

She laughed as he kissed that particular spot behind her ear and she trailed her hands through his hair. “Who would have thought that night we first met at this exact spot we would end up here?” she smiled, kissing him sweetly again before pulling away.

“I can’t imagine my life without you in it and I don’t ever want to have to,” he said seriously, looking into her eyes when he pulled back.

Her heart stopped when she realized what he was thinking and her mouth hung open dumbly.

“Not yet,” she said quickly, before he could speak again. “Don’t ask me yet.”

He grinned that smile that always made her heartbeat double its pace. “Okay, when can I ask you then?”

She smiled so wide her cheeks hurt and she felt silly, shaking her head. “I don’t know. Let me find a job first?”

He laughed and kissed her on the cheek. “Okay, I can wait that long at least. As long as I get to go to bed every night next to you until then, I’ll be happy.”

“Me too,” she smiled, thinking as long as he was next to her, she’d be happy forever.


End file.
